Foster parent baby shower?

[Incubus]

Yestetday I got an e-vite from my aunt for her daughters foster parent baby shower :dubious:

About 2 years ago, my cousin had tried to have a kid. Doctors discovered a softball sized tumor on one of her ovaries. They removed the ovary, and said if she wanted kids she needed to do so asap because they wanted to do a hysterectomy. (which I assume they would do as soon as she had a baby/decided to adoot) She spent something like $30,000 on IVF treatments. After 3 attempts, she still couldnt get pregnant, so her and her husband decided to be foster parents. Around this time, my brother and his girlfriend announced they were having a baby.

My stepmom planned a big baby shower for my brother and his girlfriend early next month. My cousins shower is rather last-minute. But what really makes me wonder is, do people have showers for being foster parents? I understand it must be hard for my cousin, being unable to have a kid and dealing with cancer (I dont even know if she had her hysterectomy yet! ) but this shower seems kind of shoehorned in, kind of a “me too” type of deal. I dont even know the age of the foster kid, he could be 15 for all we know!

Anybody heard of this? “Foster” baby shower?

[Incubus]

Whoops, that should read "Foster parent baby shower. Mods, could you change it?

[SnakesCatLady]

While I don’t know what Miss Manners would say, foster parents who gave never had a child in the home will need the same kinds of things new birth or adoptive parents would need.

[TokyoBayer]

Except as noted that the child may not be a baby. Statistically, it would seem unlikely that they would get a baby. . .

[Rachellelogram]

This is a pretty dumb idea. If they were adopting a baby, I could totally see having a shower. But a foster kid? That arrangement is (with very few exceptions) strictly temporary. Why were they willing to sink 30k into IVF, but then go the route of fostering instead of adoption? It doesn’t make sense because the first kid they foster could be a 5 year old girl, and the next kid could be a 14 year old boy. What needs do those kids have in common?

I wouldn’t go. If I were friends with her, I’d ask her wtf they are thinking.

[Farmer_Jane]

Some foster parents take in strictly babies. Sometimes it’s temporary, sometimes it ends up being permanent. I know a foster parent who has a baby and a toddler in her home right now.

It sounds like your cousin is still sad over the issue. If you’re friends with her, then go. I’ve seen seriously pregnant women get pretty greedy and rude over a lot less.

[Farmer_Jane]

P.S. Boarding ANY child means you’re gonna need stuff. Many foster parents select a specific age group.

[Spice_Weasel]

Honestly I think you sound a little insensitive. She’s having a kid. Doesn’t matter how. It’s a thing to celebrate.

[Dendarii_Dame]

If you go, or choose to give a gift, I’d recommend a gift card to a supermarket. They’ll definitely need food/supplies, regardless of the ages of the children they foster.

[Sigmagirl]

Agree with Dendarii Dame, or perhaps a card for a store like Target. Kid may come with the clothes on his or her back, and school is coming. If the child is school age, the foster parents will want to provide some nice things above whatever the stipend is; if not going to school yet, there are plenty of things there a kid will need.

[Troppus]

Ask the age/s of the children. If infant, buy something new parents might not have thought of, like a Boppy pillow (good for bottle feeding or nursing, and great for propping wobbly babies or as an exercise aid for tummy time.) A stack of cloth diapers which make excellent burp cloths/all purpose rags. Fostering provides a small allowance for staples, but there isn’t much left over after basic needs are met. How about educational toys, or soother like night lights, music boxes, mobiles or other crib accessories? Fostering is incredibly hard and emotionally taxing, and these parents deserve all the help that new parents rank, as well as kudos for taking care of society’s unwanted kids. I hope this couple truly are showered with good advice, encouragement, and gifts.

[Omar_Little]

I was always under the impression that baby showers were traditionally for new first time parents to help them financially with getting the things they needed for their first kid.

As I understand it, foster parents get paid by the state to take on the responsibility for the child. Having a shower doesn’t seem right, when the state is paying you.

[lavenderviolet]

It’s quite likely that your cousin is fostering this child with the plan to adopt the child if all goes well. A foster parent can specify that they only want to foster children that are already legally free for adoption if they’re interested in adopting from foster care. I’d say treat it as you would any other celebration of a child’s arrival.

[Troppus]

@Omar_Little

I was always under the impression that baby showers were traditionally for new first time parents to help them financially with getting the things they needed for their first kid.

As I understand it, foster parents get paid by the state to take on the responsibility for the child. Having a shower doesn’t seem right, when the state is paying you.

State allowance barely covers basic clothing and grocery needs, with little left over for increased utilities. There is no money left over to pay for extracurricular activities like sports, exercise, and clubs. Foster kids don’t have video games, bicycles, or loving families. Infants often suffer from a lack of bonding, addiction, or congenital illness. Older kids are aware they were unwanted, neglected, abused. These kids and the families willing to care for them, love them, and lose them deserve a celebration and a helping hand. As much moreso than natural families.

[Omar_Little]

@Troppus

State allowance barely covers basic clothing and grocery needs, with little left over for increased utilities. There is no money left over to pay for extracurricular activities like sports, exercise, and clubs. Foster kids don’t have video games, bicycles, or loving families. Infants often suffer from a lack of bonding, addiction, or congenital illness. Older kids are aware they were unwanted, neglected, abused. These kids and the families willing to care for them, love them, and lose them deserve a celebration and a helping hand. As much moreso than natural families.

When’s the last time you saw a video game, bicycle, or fees for soccer on a baby shower registry? Baby showers aren’t traditionally for setting up an endowment to take care of the kid through adulthood. Typical gifts are clothing, diapers, infant toys, etc. kind of like basic clothing and grocery needs. You might see the grandparents chip in for the car seat or high chair.

OP asked if a baby shower was typical in a foster parent arrangement. The answer in my opinion is no. Now if you want to make an argument that even if it’s not traditionally done, that it should be, then knock yourself out.

[Troppus]

@Omar_Little

I was always under the impression that baby showers were traditionally for new first time parents to help them financially with getting the things they needed for their first kid.

As I understand it, foster parents get paid by the state to take on the responsibility for the child. Having a shower doesn’t seem right, when the state is paying you.

@Omar_Little

When’s the last time you saw a video game, bicycle, or fees for soccer on a baby shower registry? Baby showers aren’t traditionally for setting up an endowment to take care of the kid through adulthood. Typical gifts are clothing, diapers, infant toys, etc. kind of like basic clothing and grocery needs. You might see the grandparents chip in for the car seat or high chair.

OP asked if a baby shower was typical in a foster parent arrangement. The answer in my opinion is no. Now if you want to make an argument that even if it’s not traditionally done, that it should be, then knock yourself out.

All showers are a gift grab. The argument could be made that anyone mature enough to bring a child into the world ought to have the resources to properly care for that child without expecting handouts. A charitable attitude and contribution towards homeless, unwanted, or neglected kids seems more appropriate than a greedy gift grab for a planned family. There, argument for bucking tradition made.

[Spice_Weasel]

@Troppus

All showers are a gift grab. The argument could be made that anyone mature enough to bring a child into the world ought to have the resources to properly care for that child without expecting handouts. A charitable attitude and contribution towards homeless, unwanted, or neglected kids seems more appropriate than a greedy gift grab for a planned family. There, argument for bucking tradition made.

Yes, yes, yes.

[Omar_Little]

@Troppus

There, argument for bucking tradition made.

Well done.

[perfectparanoia]

My kids came out of the foster system. I assure you that they wanted for nothing in the foster home.

Most children who go into foster care are not babies. All they really need are some clothes and a toothbrush to start out.

The Children’s Aid Society will help them get set up. And will provide respite care for if the foster parents need a break. And counselling if that is required.

The idea of a shower is bizarre.

[Troppus]

@perfectparanoia

My kids came out of the foster system. I assure you that they wanted for nothing in the foster home.

Most children who go into foster care are not babies. All they really need are some clothes and a toothbrush to start out.

The Children’s Aid Society will help them get set up. And will provide respite care for if the foster parents need a break. And counselling if that is required.

The idea of a shower is bizarre.

CAS is a New York based charity, and not available in every region, nor is there a guarantee that an individual child’s needs will be met.