This is one of those half serious/half morbid fantasy questions. One of the fantasies that I’ve had for a while is to get some religious group (preferably, one whose doctrines I disagree with) to formally issue some sort of condemnation against me that I could hang up on my wall with pride. Just receiving informal scowls of disapproval or making the elders of the congregation cry isn’t enough. I don’t know why I want this, maybe I didn’t rebel enough as a child and that left me deprived.
Preferably, I’d like to stay out of immediate mortal danger, so lets stay away from violent holy war type groups. I would also like to avoid breaking local secular law, so I’m not interested in smacking a priest or stealing holy objects.
It turns out that it has become much more difficult to get the “bell, book, and candle” treatment from the Roman Catholic Church, as they have made the process nearly entirely honor-system based with people being told what “offenses” require them to go to Confession and beg for reconciliation and which do not. If a person violates the requirements, their punishment will come, at least in theory, after they die and are sent to hell. The infamous Index of Prohibited Books has also been abolished, so just publishing something moderately inflammatory and/or science-y won’t do nearly as much as it would 300 years ago.
What are some strategies for getting a formal condemnation, censure, anathema, declaration of damnation, consignment to hell, accusation of witchcraft, etc. from a religious group (not necessarily Catholicism)? For example, can I get a Very Naughty Boy letter from the LDS Church by researching and publishing dirt on their prophet? Is there a Hindu organization that will burn me in effigy and broadcast my name all over Hindu News Radio for trying to open a hamburger joint in the middle of a traditionalist Hindu neighborhood?
What counts as “formal” is a judgment call for you, but I would call something “formal” if it fits most or all of the following:
It is issued in writing by a religious leader with a sizeable following.
It is formally recorded in the records of the religious group, e.g. “The First Church of Podunk hereby declares robert_columbia to be an angel of Satan, may God kick him in the rear until he cries for mercy, Amen. Entered into the records of this church and the Lamb’s Book of Life on June 26, 2016 by order of Bishop Jones <signature>.”
It is issued pursuant to some formal procedure for condemnations (e.g. ecclesiastical law).
It carries specific formal penalties with respect to that religion in this lifetime, for example a ban from attending schools sponsored by the group, a ban on converting to the religion unless a specific extra-special repentance process is completed, etc.
Apostasy is always a big one. Convert to a religion like Islam and then publicly announce you are converting to another religion. That’s illegal in twenty countries.
An awful lot of religious groups will only issue formal condemnations of their own members. (You can’t be excommunicated if you were never in communion, for example.) So if we are to help you, we need to know which group(s) you could plausibly claim membership of. This will narrow the field considerably.
(Unless, of course, you are willing to join a religion for the purpose of being expelled from it.)
I wonder if there’s a market for this kind of thing. “The Church of Scientomagicism will be glad to excommunicate you for a nominal fee! Individualized heresy charges are available. Order now!”
But I presume you are probably looking for a more traditional religion.
Jehovas Witnesses will ‘disfellowship’ you for leaving them (or they used to - not sure if that still happens), but I don’t know what extent you first need to be established within their fellowship before that is the consequence of leaving.
However, I believe it’s more of an act of shunning than condemnation (and JWs don’t believe in a literal hell, so they won’t be condemning you to that either way).
The OP isn’t looking for any particular form of condemnation, so far as I can see. Any sufficiently formal denunciation will do.
As already mentioned, it’s probably easiest to get denounced by the church or congregation that you a member of. If the OP isn’t a member of any church, or if he has the bad fortune to be a member of a church that doesn’t really do the whole denunciation thing, his best course is probably to pick some insecure and judgmental church and mount a sustained critical attack on it - preferably an attack resting on lies, deceit, fraud, falsehood and supressio veri (but taking care to stay on the right side of the criminal law). Keep this up for long enough, and there is an excellent prospect of the church concerned issuing a rebuttal which denounces him as a malicious liar, fraud, etc. Job done!
Are you willing to convert to the religion in question first, in other words: become a card-carrying member and then commit a heresy which will then trigger a formal condemnation? Or do you want to obtain the condemnation as a non-adherent, as an outsider?
Secondly, we are looking for a religious group with a standing organization, a bureaucracy, governing bodies, authorities, officials, maybe a Great Seal and a written body of law? Otherwise, the ensuing condemnation may not satisfy your fantasies.
I don’t think that there are religious groups/organizations/authorities/denominations other than Islamic that will care much about controversial religious statements or actions by non-adherents. If they do, the result will be an official statement rather than a formal condemnation of a religious nature. Religious organizations that are known to issue formal condemnations (the Catholic Church and the LDS Church come to mind) only do this with regard to members of the organization and usually only in high-profile cases. I’m not sure if the latter (no pun intended) is true for the LDS Church, though.
And, with Islam, you won’t get anything issued on behalf of the religion as such, and there’ll be nothing “entered in the records of the religion”, as the OP specifies. Islam is highly decentralised and lacks a hierarchy, so there is no equivalent to a pope, bishops, a synod, etc, and no central records. What you can have is an individual cleric who issues a fatwa (ruling) about you. How much influence that fatwa has, and how much attention Muslims choose to pay to it, depends on the cleric and his reputation and standing.
But this may nevertheless be a fruitful avenue to explore, provided the OP isn’t too fussy about the status or credibility of his condemnation among adherents of the religion concerned. A few years back the Australian writer, documentary-maker and comedian John Safran persuaded a Muslim cleric in the UK to issue a fatwa against Rove McManus, another Australian television presenter, on the basis of material (fabricated by Safran) suggesting that McManus was blaspheming and parodying Islam. From memory, he subsequently admitted to the cleric what he had done, whereupon the cleric withdrew the fatwa against McManus and issued one against Safran. So it can be done.
The drawback is that the cleric concerned was a fringe figure, self-appointed as the “senior judge” of an Islamic court, which he had also established himself. He was already a marginal figure in Islam, regularly denounced by mainstream Muslim organisations.
So, if the OP will be happy with a denunciation from a marginal figure, he should have no problem getting one. If he wants a denunciation from a figure that more than a few people will take seriously, that may be more of a challenge.
Westboro Baptist will condemn you if you’re merely famous enough. Hell, even if you announce that gays should be stoned, they’d still find a reason to hate you. They don’t even like Pat Robertson.
The RCC and LDS Church aren’t going to care much or say anything. LDS even bought up ad space in the Book of Mormon musical’s playbills. Being disenfellowshiped by JW is probably the easiest way.
Odds are that the Westboro Baptists have already condemned you, in fact, since most of us are members of at least one group which, we have been assured, “God hates”.
But I think the OP is looking for his own warm and personal condemnation.
Pretty sure the OP would be happiest with an actual certificate with his name on it. I think the only way to get that is to join a small congregation, act up so badly that they decide to kick you out, and get a trespass order.
One thought is that you could write a polite letter asking to join something, acknowledging that you are and will continue to be proudly holding a view unacceptable to the religion (“Dear Rabbi Jones, I’d like to join your Orthodox Congregation, but do not want to give up either my bacon cheeseburgers or foreskin. Can I still join?” ). You’ll probably get a written reply, saying fairly politely “Sorry, you can’t join us with those views”.
May not be as explicitly condemnatory as you’d like, but it would be at least written documentation that you’re a sinner in their eyes.
If you already know someone who is a Scientologist, it’s not too hard to be declared a Supressive Person, which is a kind of condemnation. Just let it be known that you think Scientology is a manipulative, dangerous cult, and make sure your friend or relative passes that along.
Of course, you won’t be allowed to continue having contact with that person. You have to decide for yourself whether it’s worth it.