I know that the president appoints the ambassadors, but how do I get the crackhead’s attention? I want to become the ambassador to American Samoa(I don’t think anyone else has expressed interest in the job), so I’d appreciate and info on how to accomplish this. Are there any age limits, what does the job entail, etc.
P.S. Think Dubaya would appoint me if I sent him a free keg?
Yes, a free keg is a good idea.
But a somewhat better idea is to kick in $300,000 to the Republican National Party, along with your breathless assurances that you will be an invaluable “rainmaker” for them during the upcoming congressional elections. Also, as you will have to be confirmed by the Senate and be under the scutiny of the media during this time, avoid high-visibility scandal and do your best to cover up any controversy to date. New cars or help with debt to key persons do wonders. On your resume, avoid references to having moonlighted with the Sandanistas, Taliban, or Red Brigade. Do not boast of your hydroponic weed. Do not attend a Gay Pride parade dressed as Little Bo Peep.
Addressing your future employer as crackhead seems a poor way to go about getting a job.
And I don’t think there is an ambassador to American Samoa. Assuming they are still a territory of the US, there would be no need for an ambassador.
If you wish to be an ambassador in general, I would suggest being born rich or powerful and spending your money heavily on the party of your choice.
I doubt that a keg of beer is gonna cut it.
My experience comes from outside the US, but I believe it is also possible to work your way up the ladder in the foreign service. A friend of mine actually did this in the Icelandic system and has made a carreer of being embassador all over the world, but it’s not as common as it used to be.
After all, who wants qualified and dedicated people running the foreign service when you could have corrupt politicians and bankers!? 
— G. Raven
You could start by becoming a child movie star like Shirley Temple Black.
Oh, do you mean in this lifetime?
IMHO Jenna will have to do a little damage control before she gets a job like that.
‘ot’ def: An obscure abbreviation of the word ‘got’. Origin: Middle England, circa 2001, often hangover induced.
“My experience comes from outside the US, but I believe it is also possible to work your way up the ladder in the foreign service.”
This still happens in the U.S. too! IIRC, a majority of American ambassadors are career civil servants. However, it’s a long slog and you won’t end up in Bern, London, or Paris (always represented by political appointees). You could, however, have a good shot at an assignment in Lagos, Rangoon, or Ouagadougou.
I don’t know. Such a shame Clinton isn’t still president…then you could just give him a blowjob.
I remember reading a while ago that the Slovakians (or maybe it was the Slovenians :>) were happy that at last the United States was sending a typical champagne and cheese slurping political hack to Bratislava, instead of a person with a long and varied diplomatic career. It signalled to them that they were no longer a potential “problem” country that needed an experienced hand to navigate, but a reasonably stable and safe place that any doofus political donor couldn’t screw up.
Why not start by being polite and respectful and not repeating unfounded allegations outside of the Pit? This is GQ after all.
No one has expressed interest because American (Amerika) Samoa is a territory of the United States and thus, doesn’t need it’s own ambassador. You’re probably thinking of western Samoa, an independent nation comprised of the western islands in the Samoa chain. Regardless of policital party, ambassadorial appointments to “safe” countries are based on political patronage. Posts in countires where actual skill is required in handling our foreign relations are usually held by well-trained civil servants.
No, but you might get a visit from the friendly folks over at the Secret Service. 
Having “former Senator” on your resume wouldn’t hurt either. Senators who are from the same party as the President but who have been ousted in an election tend to get plum appointments.
I give up, hanz; why the odd spelling of America?
Amerika Samoa is the proper, localized name for the 7 islands that make up the territory administered by the US, in the primary language of it’s citizens - Samoan. It’s considered polite and proper to refer to a location by the name used by the local inhabitants. It’s also helpful if you want to run searches on the internet. 
Here is a page with some basic information about the Samoan language: Samoan language, easy vocabulary from iPacific™
Or you can get in through the back door. Renounce your American citizenship and become a citizen of some country like Albania or Uzbekistan. “But” you protest “I don’t want to live in Albania or Uzbekistan. I want to live someplace fun with indoor plumbing and cable TV.” No problem. For a small donation, I’m sure your new President will appoint you ambassador to the United States (after all, you do have a lot of experience with this country). If you don’t want to handle the full duties of being ambassador (or don’t like Washington’s climate) you can be appointed Consul in someplace like Honolulu, Las Vegas, or American Samoa.
Thanks for the answer, hanz. Be sure to start typing “Tae Han Min Guk” and “Nippon” and “Singapura” yourself, okay?
There’s no need to be snotty, Monty. When I want to learn something about a foreign land, I’ve found that I get more information, more quickly when I call the place by it’s local name in internet searches. The information usually comes from the best possible sources. I thought it might be helpful for The Mick, who demonstrated some trouble with geography in his OP. It is more proper to call a country by it’s local name, but it isn’t required, either.
By the way, the South Koreans call their nation Han’Guk, or TaeHan Min’Guk, but certainly not Tae Han Min Guk, so I hope you don’t mind if I choose not to type it your way.
In any case, the OP is answered. Amerika Samoa doesn’t need an ambassador. If The Mink was looking for more general info, he could have checked any number of previous threads including the most recent http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=67412 Let’s not go any further with it.
I surely meant The Mick.