I suspect it’s because the male body produces less testosterone and more estrogen as it gets older.
Hey, if Genral Swartzkoff (sp?) can cry on national tv if front of millions of viewers; then it’s OK for men to cry. They don’t make’m any more manlier than that dude. 
However, General Swartzkoff was crying over the lost of young solidiers in Dessert Storm. Crying because you jab your toe on a piece of furniture is entirely a different story.
I think for most men crying is about as embarrassing as soiling yourself, and getting misty eyed while watching a movie like, oh say, Return of the King, is about as bad as getting a little piss on yourself as your taking a leak at a urinal.
I very rarely feel the need to cry, but when I do, I always let it out. Of course, maybe I’m not the best person to ask.
I’m a teenage male. I rarely cry, although this might be because not many things that would cause intense sadness have occured to me (thank God).
Strangely enough, I sometimes start crying (or at least get misty-eyed) for no reason at all. It can happen any time- once, I was sitting down, eating my lunch and thinking about what topics I could write about for a school project when my Mom came in and asked me why I was crying. I didn’t know that I was crying, but sure enough, there were tears running down my face.
And in my book, if you don’t cry at the ending of the Futurama episode “Luck of the Fryrish”, you are a cold, hartless individual.
I cry very rarely, though as others have mentioned, it’s more frequent the older I get. For me, at least, it’s a function of the learning process: getting more comfortable with my own emotions and such.
The times in my adult life when I’ve cried that leap to mind:
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When I had to have my dog put to sleep last June. I sobbed like a baby, and so did my buddy who’d come along with me (and who loved the dog as much as I did).
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When I had my wisdom teeth out, and the novocaine wore off before I had a chance to get the painkiller prescription filled. Yeah, I pretty much howled; it was as if my lower jaw had been knocked sideways with a sledgehammer.
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When I failed out of my first college (15 years ago) and my father was tearing me a new one over it. I broke down in misery.
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OK, I wasn’t going to mention this one, but I shed a few tears while watching The Rookie a few weeks ago. The scene when his father shows up at the Big Game really got to me.
Hmm… interesting that of those, one was due to excruciating pain and the other two relate to fathers (if you count me as the dog’s “father,” which I certainly do).
Quick! To my shrink!
Oddly enough, it seems to me that the more “manly” cultures pride themselves in being, the MORE likely they are to be okay with men crying. For instance, the least stereotypically masculine society I can think of, the English, also has the biggest stereotypical admonition against men crying. Other Germanic, as well as Asian, cultures, also APPEAR (I may be wrong about asian cultures) to be similarly lacking in machismo as well as male crying.
Whereas African, Hispanic and Romantic cultures do not appear to have as much of a barrier against men crying. (Some, perhaps.)
I think that individuals in these societies are comfortable enough in their “manliness” that they are free to express their feelings. Whereas Germanic-influenced cultures seem to need to prove something by holding tears in.
Myself, I rarely feel like crying out of sadness, anymore. That is probably because I am rarely immensely sad. Sometimes, though, I am almost driven to tears by anger at someone. You can tell the difference: when you can still speak even though the tears are flowing, it is anger rather than sadness or fear (to me.) But it has been literally years since tears have actually ran down my face.
Interestingly enough, the thing that comes closest to that condition for me is also LOTR, but it is the power of Theoden’s speeches rather than despair that does it.
Well the thought of pecker tracks on my face has pretty much put me out of the mood for watching Boromir bite it again tonight. Thanks, Doc! Guess it’s gonna be *Gladiator *tonight! (well…I’ll fast forward through Maximus’ homecoming, of course)!
:wally
The FOX outlet (24 just ended and I haven’t changed the station) is about to do a segment on a high school basketball whose coaches got in trouble for giving a player an award for being the team ‘crybaby’… perhaps that’s an insight.
Anyway, I’m 21 for a little while yet, and I’ve guesstimated in the past that I cry about once or twice a year. Come to think of it, I already hit my quota this year, and once in December [Big Fish got me, too. And my dad, though we didn’t see it together.] Sometimes I find myself surprised when I don’t cry at certain things that make me sad, but the tears don’t flow too often. It puzzles me a little, but it’s not like I’m repressed so it’s not a major concern.
I do tend to think people who get very upset often, with little provocation, should chill out.
No, no. “Jurassic Bark”, now, that I’ll allow.
Ah phooey, here I go again… 
Wow - All your answers raise so many questions for me. I don’t know where to start. Sorry that I hadn’t picked the right forum for this thread - glad that I was spared a flogging.
Where to begin – for those who did not cry over the loss of their mothers, but DID break down when their pets died - what was the difference for you in the quality of these losses? Did you have profound feelings when your parents died? If so, how did you cope with them if you didn’t cry? As a sissy broad (who’s raised 3 children through college alone, has her own business, and can fix toasters and toilets) when I am upset, if my emotions hit a certain threshold, I can hardly suppress my tears. It’s like I’ll crawl out of my skin or explode if I can’t find some immediate outlet - and to my fury, I can’t totally control it. I can hardly imagine men feeling as deeply as I without some outlet of expression. I can’t imagine feeling profound loss at the death of a parent with no way of bleeding off the pain somehow.
I also cry (or at least tear-up) when I am sufficiently frustrated, or frightened or angry (angry without an alternative outlet - like my boss is hassling me unfairly and I can’t say what I want to say). Feeling helpless is a major factor in my crying - the more I am able to respond actively to the stimulus, the less I feel the need to cry. Maybe that’s a factor for men too - they typically have other avenues of expression (and action) open to them so they aren’t compelled to tears.
Many of you describe tearing up at a touching movie or other “indirect” stimulus. I think we all (humans) do that when we identify with something in our own personal experience in a movie. And we’d have no use for movies at all, if they didn’t reflect our collective humanity through story telling - that’s what they’re for. If we respond, then they’ve done their job. If you are touched by something in a movie, it’s highly likely that it’s because of personal experience.
I have seen many men as they get older become more obviously emotional. I think it’s possibly due to mere hormonal changes, but I’m not at all convinced. As we all mature, our sensibilities should deepen and change in many ways. They didn’t coin the phrase “callow youth” for nothing. Perhaps as men mature, their emotions also mature, and they are more open to the nuances and complexities of experience. Perhaps too, men in their maturity become less susceptible to societal pressures and expectations, and are willing to respond more authentically.
I don’t want to hijack my own thread and get it off onto a different tangent, but I don’t buy ANY of the Me Tarzan - you Jane dominant male/submissive female stuff that seems so entrenched in our mythology. We will examine our religions before we examine that. So I’m afraid I reject out of hand any hypothesis that assumes that male dominance dictates crying behavior. Males and females are obviously both fully capable of tears.
I am surprised and grateful for the obviously truthful and thoughtful responses here. I’d like to know more.
One of the things I’m wondering is whether men actually recognize a desire to cry. Maybe cultural training often short-curcuits (and/or redirects it) before the individual is aware of it.
Big sissy crybaby here, but I didn’t cry when dad died and did cry for my dog. I think that can actually be a trauma thing. We have less complicated relationships with our pets: we just love them. Our parents are so many things to us, mentors, guides, friends, security… that if the death catches you off-balance you hardly know which one to think about. I do think that’s probably less healthy than just crying, though. It just feels less healthy. Crying releases emotion. Or something.
I’m going to start primal bawling classes over in the Pit. Nobody’ll notice a bit more yelling, and it’ll make you all feel so much better.
[QUOTE=Marley23]
Anyway, I’m 21 for a little while yet, and I’ve guesstimated in the past that I cry about once or twice a year. Come to think of it, I already hit my quota this year, and once in December [Big Fish got me, too. And my dad, though we didn’t see it together.] Sometimes I find myself surprised when I don’t cry at certain things that make me sad, but the tears don’t flow too often. It puzzles me a little, but it’s not like I’m repressed so it’s not a major concern.
Marley - thanks for your input. As I mentioned, my son is your age and he told me he wouldn’t go with a group of friends to see I Am Sam because he teared up at the previews and knew he’d lose it at the movie. I hope you don’t really have a crying quota - but I’m delighted that you don’t mind talking about it. Maybe your generation will be more genuine about emotion. I hope so - surely SOME good will result from the “flower power” generation!
I too feel more emotional as I grow older but I think some of that is the ability to empathize more. I can also understand why women cry when something good happens. I get a real kick out of seeing a child rise up and score a personal triumph and I get a lump in my throat…
I’m also in the camp that adults, as a general rule, shouldn’t burst into tears at every emotional event (and more so with men). With that said, I love movies like the Spitfire Grill because they can evoke a wide range of emotions. I would prefer not to be seen crying. I saw the movie with my mother and the last scene left me with my mouth open in stunned belief it could evoke such emotion. Since my mother was handicapped I had to bring the car around which gave me an excuse to dash out.
I wasn’t specifically raised to suck it up but I am a product of my father (who will always be a gentle giant in my mind’s eye). He rarely got emotional over anything, good or bad. We also rarely hugged but I never questioned my love of him or his of me.
Although it can be viewed as sexist to think men should hold back their emotions it is not just crying that is involved. Being naturally stronger than women it is important for men to maintain more control of anger, lust etc… It’s a package deal. Crying is just the end result of letting the emotion out. I would add that “holding back” an emotion is the wrong concept. “Maintaining control” would be a better description.
As a note to violet9, I would think it unusual for a young man to burst into tears during a conversation unless it was a real traumatic event. I can understand when veterans choke up 50 years later when talking about their war buddies killed in action. That’s a traumatic event.
I personally feel the urge to cry periodically, usually from the typical emotional stimulus, either in real life or from a movie/book/etc(Shindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan come to mind). The difference, I think, is that usually the tears just don’t come. I’ll feel “flushed” and my eyes will “tear up”, just not to the point of actually having tears running down my face.
Sometimes I feel the need to repress the tears for fear of embarassment or whatever, but even when I don’t I’m usually unable to have a full-on cry. I assume this is resultant from a child/teenhood spent trying to not “look like a pussy”.
I don’t know nearly enough science to hazard a guess to any evolutionary reasons. For all I know, it’s a quirk that hasn’t worked itself out yet. However, I think that most animals show some kind of behavior in periods of strong distress.
In summation, damned if I know. Maybe making a loud, obnoxious noise keeps the predators away and lets everyone know “I vant to be alone.”
Sign of helplessness, yes, that might be it. Or maybe you can blame years of Boy Herd social conditioning. I just think it’s a little on the sad side, like they can’t figure what else to do, so they blubber.
Chastain-I don’t want to grow up. I’m a Toys R Us kid. 
I know it may be hard for you, but you just have to accept some people might have different opinions. Perhaps you could even run off and cry about it, if it made you feel better.
i cried a bit when my grandmother died. i probably could have cried more if i would have let it out. that’s about it, although i do sometimes feel a little sniffle coming on occasionally, when i’m depressed, and the right song plays or something, but it’s not enough to cause me to cry.
on the other hand, my girlfriend cries all the damn time. i bet she cries 3-4 times a month around me, and who knows how much when she’s alone. maybe i’m emotionally inert, but i can’t understand what sets her off so quickly. she says she LIKES to cry sometimes, which is a foreign concept to me.
my dad cried at his dad’s funeral. very, very disturbing for me. he’s old-school, all the way. the only emotion he ever showed, especially when i was living at home, was anger. not that he was mean or anything, but he was the disciplinarian. since i got out of the house he’s been a lot more laid back and friendly (for a lack of a better word) towards me, but still, it was a shock to see him collapse like that. i still ahven’t come to a conclusion on how i felt about seeing that.
Actually, I think you would be an interesting person to ask-- well, maybe not you personally now, since you just gave your answer-- but do gay men cry more than straight men?
Hi, Vi!
My guess, based on my own experience, is that there’s something hormonal that makes us males less likely as adults to cry while still feeling the same emotions that would’ve made us cry when we were younger.
As a kid, I had no sense that I was any less likely to cry than a girl.
Nothing wrong with crying. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not crying either, if hormones or whatever make your system less likely to respond that way when you feel that way.
I have not cried since I was a little kid and I got hurt.
Although on the weekend, I came close.
I was at a good mates place and he was talking about the time I was unconcious in hospital after a major car accident. My mother was in intensive care with me and he came to visit me. Mum asked him to shake my hand like we used to do whenever we met. He grabbed my hand and said that he felt me grip his hand back. When he told me that, I got a lump in my throat and nearly teared up.
Amazing what happens after an accident 15 years ago.