Eonwe, how can I prove a negative? My story’s nowhere near as horrific as tanookie’s, but I do remember that, when I was a child and being teased and bullied, I made a deliberate, conscious choice not to do to others what they were doing to me, not to return cruelty with cruelty.
One of the best therapists I know was quite big on getting people to realize they have choices. The choices may not always be obvious or easy, but they do exist. A lot of things in my background fit the profile of a child who shoots up a high school or a serial killer, the main difference being that I’m female. I’ve even felt similar, destructive, rage. I suppose, since I have attempted suicide, you could even say I’ve acted on that rage. I have not chosen to deliberately harm others, and I do not intend to do so.
I have in some ways been psychologically crippled by what happened to me. To give just one example, when I was in my 20’s, it took me a few years to realize that a man I thought was a friend was in love with me because the notion that someone could love me romantically did not exist in my mental vocabulary. Nevertheless, I refuse to let that damage limit me, and I have worked to undo that damage. I’ve even succeeded to a great degree, although I still have some distance to go.
When a person deliberately harms another person, that is a choice, and that person should suffer the consequences of that choice as surely as his or her victim does. If that choice is due to psychological damage or mental illness, by all means treat that damage or illness, but, in my opinion, do not use that to eliminate the consequences.
Tanookie, I just wanted to add that I admire you.
CJ
I don’t think anyone’s saying that the accused should not be held accountable.
The question is: does his awful childhood represent enough of a mitigating circumstance that we decide not to kill him, and, instead, imprison him forever?
tanookie, I’ve read some of your other threads, and I am glad you are far away from your father now, but…
How do you know he is not doing this to other children? I would think once a pedophile, always a pedophile. Can you not report him to the police? I can’t believe he was satisfied with abusing just you…there may be other victims.
I do not know where he is today. I spoke with some people a few years ago and due to the circumstances and time elapsed I was told the best I could do was file a civil suit that would be his word against mine and a lot of money I did not have for lawyers. He also took me to his lawyer while I was still living in his home and made me make statements to his lawyer about how I was not abused. (There’s a really long set up to that but I had no choice) I would then also have to prove he coerced me into making false statements.
I do wonder sometimes that he’s found some new child to terrify. Unfortunately there isn’t anything I know of I can do besides stalk him and warn anyone he speaks to…
Wow…a lot of damaged people on these boards. I feel for all of you. We all have our dark closets full of evil.
I’m glad you’ve been able to make good decisions in your lives. But it is all anecdotal. Some people are simply incapable of making “right” decisions after being horribly abused. I believe a person’s past should be considered in sentencing. After all, they consider previous crimes committed by the perpetrator – why not consider crimes committed AGAINST the perpetrator?
Studies show that the vast majority of serial killers and molestors were abused as children, so I believe there is a cause/effect situation in many of the cases. I believe those of you who didn’t choose a life of crime may have just lucked out.
Tanookie, I think you should try to find a lawyer who will take your case against your dad pro bono. At least the children near him today will know that something went on in his past. I’ll be no one in his current life even knows what he did.
I don’t know if you’re in therapy today, but it might be something you want to look into. Your hideous past seems to dominate your life (at least on the boards) and you owe it to yourself to find some relief. You don’t deserve to carry this around forever.
Tanookie, there have been some mighty strides made in the past few years with regards to the statute of limitations problem as applied to childhood sexual abuse.
Your situation is not unique, sad to say. Many abused children have, as adults, gained the strength of will and courage to finally reveal the abuse they suffered, only to be stymied by criminal and civil rules that limit the time in which they can gain legal relief.
Many jurisdictions have responded to this by relaxing the requirements, looking at the circumstances to see if a rationale can be found for permitting a suit to go forward.
Suppose I hit you over the head with a crowbar. You are in a coma for a year, and then suffer from amnesia. Ten years later, your memory returns, and you try to sue me. I cannot hide between a statute of limitations - my actions caused you to not only be injured, but also to be unaware of your injury. You can still sue me.
Lately, courts have been allowing this sort of argument to be used by childhood sexual abuse victims. The abuse itself, they reason, caused the person to be unable to effectively report her injury, even after she turns 18. It requires findings of fact by the court based on psychiatric testimony, and of course the rules vary dramatically from state to state.
Again, this is not legal advice. But I urge you, if you have not, to consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction with current, relevant experience in this area of the law. You may find that your rights have not been as eroded by time as you were lead to believe.
IANAL, but I doubt any statements you made to a lawyer under those circumstances would hold up in court.
I also think you could hire a private investigator if you wanted to hunt him down.
I know you are at peace right now. But I would be concerned that he may have access to other children. Are you still in contact with any member of your family?
None who have any contact with him… Pretty much everyone bought his story about how I was making everything up because I was an evil daughter and he is a poor martyred man and so I wrote them all off…
Bricker, from what I recall about the SOL, isn’t it usually just extended if the memories were repressed?
I’ll chime in here as another abuse victim. I was sexually molested by a baby-sitter when I was about five years old. It was nothing as bad as Tanookie’s experience, but it was a problem in that I became sexually aware way too soon and I may have passed this awareness on to other children by talk–not abuse.
I hate that anyone would believe I would be more likely to abuse children due to this abuse or for someone to use it as an excuse for their actions, but then again mine was pretty mild as those sorts of things go.
I’d have to say I agree with Bricker that horrible abuse as a child would only place the culpability a slight bit below full culpability.
You weren’t coerced into making false statements, you chose to make false statements. Being stuck in a house with an sexually abusive parent isn’t an excuse for giving false testimony. You lied because you chose to, now get over it.
That’s interesting TVAA… When I made those statements my father placed me in his car, drove me to his lawyer and sat next to me with one hand on my knee to remind me that he was in control and I was to say everything he explained to me in the car ride on the way over.
Now, to address only the case in the OP, was Mr Sampson’s parent accompanying him on his little killing spree?
There is a huge distinction between the coercive effect of a person sitting right next to you, telling you to lie, and a person commiting crimes years after the abuse ended.
tanookie I’ve always admired your posts and thought, " Hmmm, here is a female that seems to have her shit together."
Then as I learned more about you and your past, I really have come to admire you.
You have survived and risen above a horrific act against you. I cannot imagine the roads you walked on to become this person, but you are quite amazing in my book. An inspiration to us all.
** That’s interesting, tanookie. Is that how he managed to insert a probe into your nervous system and override your conscious control of your body?
Because, of course, he forced you to lie! You had no choice! You couldn’t have told the lawyer the truth even if you’d wanted to.
I suspect not. Is your father forcing you to spew this garbage all over our boards?
I know – instead of being an attention- and sympathy-seeking feedback junkie because your father abused you, why don’t you choose to feel good about things and develop a sarcasm-detecting module? It’s completely your choice, isn’t it?
Why in the world would you want to blame a girl for being afraid to rat out her father, who she lived with at the time? Is there some reason that you are this angry and/or doubtful about tanookie’s account, because you’re not coming off all that well (not that you necessarily care)
Another issue is: whether abuse is a mitigating circumstance or not, it doesn’t make the person any less dangerous. If they’re damaging others because they’ve been damaged, do we want them to have lighter sentences? Out on the street to damage again sooner? Regardless of motive or mitigating circumstances, all such people need to be in secure institutions, albeit prisons or mental hospitals.
Oh, back off, TVAA. Tanookie is not a sympathy junkie. When you’ve been abused as a child since toddlerhood, your choice is gone. The abuser has all the control. She had no choice in any of the abuse, including telling the lawyer that her father was not abusing her.
Read some of her other posts. You will see Tanookie is a happily married woman with lovely children who has moved on with her life. We are urging her to press charges against her father. She’s not gunning for him.