Absolutely untrue. Back in another life, I was on a couple of these “hobbyist/provider” boards (they are not google-able). Many of the girls would also be on bp on the downlow. And if you have experience with addicts, you know that they are the world’s best liars and manipulators. And the vast majority of the “hobbyists” on the these boards were middle-aged suburbanite, usually white men. In other words, the perfect customers to manipulate. I don’t know how many times I heard about a hobbyist “falling in love” with their providers and believing they were different than all the other johns. They are Captain Save-A-Ho, quite literally.
Addicts are only master manipulators to the extremely gullible or to family members or loved ones who have a vested interest in the addicts well being. And frankly, I’m not too concerned about the “victimization” of clients falling in love with their providers. I mean, come on, you should know better than to fall in love with a sex worker.
And the operative word here being is MOST, not all, addicts gravitate towards BP. Sure, there are probably addicts on hobbyist websites, but my anecdotal experience is they are few are far in between.
Bottom line is, these websites that provide a verification process, do the community a good service, they make the trade safer for the providers. Which is why providers who advertise on BP are a big red flag. If they’re willing to risk going on BP as opposed to the relative safety of verified websites, they’re are probably doing so to support their habit.
Craigslist is still working for sites outside of the US. So that’s one site.
You should really go into therapy or something. Hopefully before your luck gives out. This is self-destructive and it’s not going to end well.
Which is one visit every two to two and a half months.
Why do you label your behavior as “addiction?”
I understood him to say he was spending time finding them, grooming them, texting them, and setting up meetings. Sounds to me like a fair bit of time was invested into this transaction. And he stated that was where the rush came from. I’d say that is addictive behaviour.
Master manipulators convince their “victims” that only the most vulnerable and emotionally invested are able to be deceived. Do you see the insidiousness and ?irony? here? 100% of the men who ultimately delude themselves into believing they are the special white knight who captured this 19 year old hottie’s heart would emphatically agree with you that only suckers don’t know better than to fall in love with a sex worker. It’s just that, see, they are different than all the other men she sees. That’s because she’s manipulating him when it becomes clear to her that such manipulation is possible. Sex is an incredibly powerful force. And addicts learn to manipulate everyone in their lives, not just their customers, in order to support their addictions. They learn by doing.
That is not enough, on it’s own, to be addictive behavior. It’s only an addiction when it has a negative impact on one or more areas of the person’s life and that person is unable to stop this self-harming behavior.
Or she knows she CANNOT get child support from him/them because he went to prison.
Just curious: are they on Tor?
The OP called himself addicted. That’s enough for me. Only he knows for sure.
Maybe it’s just my lack of experience, but the idea that you have to “groom” a hooker is puzzling to me. I’ve never had to cajole a waiter into fetching my plate from the kitchen, or sweet-talk a cashier into ringing up my groceries. I’m accustomed— perhaps naively so— to business transactions in which the other party is cooperative, if not visibly motivated, to accept the money I’m trying to give them.
Ok but you gave your opinion, not just an acknowledgement of the OP’s self-identification.
Well, ok. I was going with premise that he was addicted, I was explaining what I thought were the points of evidence that this is his truth. He stated at least twice the rush came from the search and such. Time spent doing this obviously takes time from his life, I don’t know how much time. That would be a question for him to answer. From what I gather the money he spent was not that great, to him. But being addicted or not would be his call, not mine.
Because you are wrong, Elbows. You say many have severe trauma(no argument there) then in the next sentance to ask how he can look past that damage suggest that in fact all are damaged (No factual true) I forget what type of logical fallacy that is but I think it might be clever variant of the slippery slope argument. Anywhoo. I work in an area that has high end hotels and even higher end prostitutes, These are rich girls and few (oddly enough) are school teachers on summer break. They travel from convention to convention and resort area to resort area. Following the money So no, not all prozzies are damaged wrecks i would guess most are, but the kind of women he is referring to are not the ones you are reffering to. Of course just down the street, are the abused, damaged and drugged variety.
The OP’s behavior doesn’t seem like classic sex addict behavior - which seems to usually involve scads of porn and consensual affairs as well as hookers. It just sounds like every couple of months he’s compelled to play this weird sort of Russian Roulette with his life - he pulls the trigger hoping he gets the blowjob from a hot girl instead of the arrest that will fuck up his life or the assault that might end it.
And he’s been lucky every time.
And I think once he gets acclimated to his new location he’ll start back up again. And some day it may not end well. Unless he gets help. I seriously recommend therapy.
Which is why I specifically referred to sex workers who could get jobs as cleaners. Which is most of them. The heroin-addicted street worker is in a minority, and has been for years. They get the bulk of attention simply because they’re the most visible. The $400+ call girl is also in a minority. There isn’t one stereotypical person who goes into sex work; they’re on a continuum between those two extremes. But for the record the majority who I encounter through my work are single mothers from lower income (though not dirt poor) countries who come here to sell sex because they can make more money to support their children back home. It’s not something they love doing or want to keep doing forever, but having weighed up (and often tried) their other options, they’ve decided this is the best one for them at this time.
FTR, I didn’t say anything about “street walkers”. Heroin addicted =/ street walker.
Nm
When you say “the majority I encounter through my work are single mothers from lower income countries who come here to sell sex…to support their children back home.”, it suggests to me that you have a very narrow, specific subset of sex workers in mind when having discussions such as these.