I was going to start a Pit thread about SexyWriter.

The BBQ Pit
21

(emphasis mine)

That isn’t what she said. I think she’s saying that the men’s reactions were the “kick.” The point I believe she is trying to make with this is that this is a board dedicated to fighting ignorance and it attracts many very intelligent people. Yet, let someone come in and shake some tits and suddenly, it’s a burlesque show. It’s akin to being at a party and being engrossed in a deep, intellectual discussion with a guy only to have him suddenly turn into a drooling, howling idiot when a sexy woman walks in. I’m not saying I’m one of these intellectual women, but I do see the point.

No one said she was. In fact, I think that’s something even SW pointed out. We know that when she is flirting she means to flirt. She is trying to inspire a reaction in the men–why else would she do it? Lots of us do it.
Now, I do have a small problem with Hama commenting on SW’s handle. Just because she calls herself Sexy-something doesn’t mean that the only reason she is here is to titilate the menfolk. She has posted several things that are not even akin to flirting. Someone calling herself SexyWriter doesn’t necessarily mean she wants people to think of her as sexy. She could be a completely asexual porn writer for all we know. Singling out the name is pointless.

22

I have a feeling that the OP is about me, along with quite a few other guys who have been posting shameless flirty comments all over the place, regarding some of the more conspicuously sexy ladies of the SDMB.

( I thought of making a short list of who these ladies are, but then …that would turn this into an entirely different thread in a couple of hours.):slight_smile:

OK, back to serious thoughts…

Using the internet as a serious channel of entertainment for the last 4 years has made me see a WHOLE LOT of flirting. And , the one done here is the best of its kind.
Because when combined with an above-the-average-level of intelligence and wit, flirting is a delightful pastime.

Who says flirt and intelligence do not go together?
I am enjoying the SD very much, and all the flirting makes it an even more pleasant place.

Hama:)
You know you are a sweet woman too, no?
What is wrong with my stating that I appreciate your presence around?
I can’t come over and jump on you…THe most I can do is admire you from abot 6,000 miles away, and if I were you, my admiting this could ONLY make me feel good!!

23

Yes, that’s exactly what happened. At some point, I pulled up a profile for an 18 year old woman and I thought I had chosen Ham’s. And if it sounded like I was insulting anyone because they were 18, I certainly didn’t intend that. I was only making a comparison between myself at that age, and the way I am now.

-L

24

Yes, exactly. I did react to being called clueless. As one of those who “checked in” and didn’t quite get the jist of the OP, I assumed this was at least partially aimed at me.

Also, though the OP insists she didn’t insult me to begin with, the language in the OP indicates otherwise.

**

That’s not insulting? You didn’t assume I would tend to become defensive or sarcastic in your general direction? For some reason, I felt it necessary to defend my choice of calling myself “sexy” and to explain that I hadn’t been the victim of any “nasty, crusty-fingered gibbering” and nor would I “get off on it” if I had.

-L

25

Huge mistake #1: I am now posting LONG before I have attained anything remotely like consciousness.

Huge mistake #2: OP’d at a mental low, which isn’t good for anyone.

Huge mistake #3: using the word “fucking” (as in “as fucking onvious as she has been” (and yes, I meant “obvious,” damnit.)

Okay, lemme dissect my OWN post for y’all.

“Then I actually read some of what she’s written…and she seems reasonably grounded, down-to-earth, and seems to be taking a lot of nonsense with a grain of salt.”

Seems as though almost no one bothered the read the FIRST SENTENCE. “Our new diva is being attacked! Must defend! Grab large rocks! And for god’s sake, don’t read the whole OP!”

“…putting the word “sexy” in her HANDLE.”

Okay, throw up feminist arguments all you want, in every direction, and back-pedal to your heart’s content. PARTICULARLY on the Internet, you don’t put the word “sexy” in your handle if you don’t want sexual advances. This is NOT just me. As is completely par for the course on this board, a bunch of people have told me that they agree with me, but they refuse to rock the boat by actually saying anything publicly.

(At this point I’ll mention that you should watch your back, SW. There are a lot of things you can say which will seem crystal clear…and with which people will agree with you in email or IMs…but unless you directly ASK them to they will do nothing but lurk and watch the carnage on the actual board. It’s happened to me several times.)

ANYhow…you can talk about “empowerment” and “feminism” and “being happy with [your] body” all you like, but it doesn’t change the fact that, particularly on the internet, having the word “sexy” in your handle invites sexual comment.

There’s nothing WRONG with it, I don’t find it REPREHENSIBLE, no one’s being staked out on an anthill over it. I did not mean “asking for it” as in “if you wear a miniskirt in public you are asking to be raped.” I mean “asking for it” as in “if you wear a miniskirt in public and make sure that your route takes you by a construction zone, you are BEGGING the men working there to whistle and catcall.” I hope the intelligent people here can pick up on the RATHER FINE DISTINCTION between deliberately calling attention to your sexuality, and “asking to be raped.” :rolleyes:

“I wouldn’t touch most of you with a 50-foot pole. The way y’all talk, I don’t know - and don’t WANNA know - where the hell you’ve been sticking that thing.”

Everyone jumped in immediately to SW’s defense…I can’t believe none of the men on here were remotely insulted that I said THIS. For crying out loud. THERE’S the insulting line. Maybe I need to make sure I boldface, italicize, and capitalize the actual insulting sentences in my posts.

Now then.

Biggirl: However, if Ham was replying to Finagle, then she really needs to make herself clear.

Yes, I was replying to Finagle, although honestly the handle didn’t even register; I knew…KNEW…it would be NO time before the mindless “I didn’t actually read the OP but I have to defend SW” posts started coming through.

evilbeth: Although, being one of the women that Hama surely hates for the ongoing sexual innuendo and flirting, I can see what she is talking about.

I am still looking for where I said that I hate anyone for flirting with anyone else. I can’t find it. Someone find it for me, because I have to make this quick…my kids are clamorning for dinner. Actually, evilbeth, you’re one of the people on here who I’ve thought was pretty cool…but I have figured I slip in beneath everyone’s radar because …

When I first registered last April, I flirted a LOT. Called attention to my bisexuality…talked openly about things about which I knew a little, sexually…and then a couple of things happened.

First, it occured to me that I didn’t want to to be well-known on the SDMB…as nothing more than a flirting, winking, titty-flashing sexual charicature. NOT THAT ANYONE ELSE WHO FLIRTS ON HERE IS ONE, which I have to say or people are gonna fucking JUMP on me for insulting poor defenseless evilbeth. :rolleyes: (BTW, if there’s a chica here who’s defenseless, it’s NOT evilbeth.)

Second, I discovered (much to my chagrin) that being a space full of above-average-intellectually people did NOT mean that there weren’t a lot of lying, misrepresenting ASSHOLES looking for an opening in which to stick their…innuendo. That’s why I’ve sworn off flirting…which is a crying shame because I really enjoy it and I’m good at it…but I don’t enjoy it enough to keep getting the bullshit I’ve gotten for it lately.

So anyhow…

Finagle: Frankly, all I can see that she’s managed is to to hurt a few people’s feelings and reveal herself as a far less cool person than previous posts might have indicated.

Buy a helmet.

Neither you…nor most of the other people on here…know me at all because amost no one’s bothered to GET to know me. You can’t possibly know whether I’m “cool” or not based on what you’ve read on this board, believe me. The same could be said of me and my view of SW, and I’m willing to wear the “Hypocrite” hat publicly for that. However, I don’t require YOUR validation to decide whether I’m cool or not. No one HAS to like me. The people who take the time to get to KNOW me are the only ones whose opinion of me as “cool” I really value. Sorry I couldn’t be more insulted for ya’, dollface.

astro: I thought one of the tenets of the modern feminist perspective was that women were empowered to take charge of their own sexuality and how they chose to present it. If that includes getting lonely mouse jockeys to make slobbering jackasses of themselves, so be it. It’s cheap entertainment and Sexy Writer isn’t kidding herself about her motives.

She has blatantly stated that her handle has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to invite sexy comment (:rolleyes: again), so you should apologize to her immediately for assuming that just because she has the word “sexy” in her handle, she wants lonely mouse jockeys to make slobbering jackasses of themselves over her. You fucking neanderthal. (</sarcasm>, for those of you playing at home)

techchick68: In my eyes Hama’s post is wrong, very wrong.

Welp, I’d better go kill myself. Wait, no…I’ll just leave the boards forever. Three or four times. And keep coming back. Yes, I know this wasn’t about that, but I can’t resist the occasional pot-shot…especially since I have gone out of my way not to comment on any of your threads, for fear of being a complete cunt without meaning to. At least this time, I mean to.
(</gratuitous cruelty>, flame me all you want, TC fans)

evilbeth: Someone calling herself SexyWriter doesn’t necessarily mean she wants people to think of her as sexy.

Sorry but…I can’t buy this at all. For the billionth time, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with flirting…or even with slutting around, as long as you don’t help anyone cheat on an SO (my personal Never Do That boundary, btw). But the handle DOES invite…invite, with gold-leaved hand-lettering and a coach-and-four…flirtatious comments.

Okay, now a brief word about why my brain exploded in the first place:

No one would ever have started a thread THAT SOON after SW had started heavy-duty posting (notice I didn’t say after she showed up…she registered before me, fer cryin’ out loud), if she didn’t have “Sexy” in her handle…or if they did, it would still have been a guy who started it.

I have no objection to flirting, frenching or fucking. Here or anywhere else. What wounds me is that for a really ridiculous number of men on here, when a new (or just new-appearing) face shows up, they fawn and fondle like a 50-year-old hermit with his first RealDoll. It just…sigh…it gets old. It gets old to keep on trying to post reasonably intelligent and occasionally funny things consistently, without one-word post-padding bullshit, and be completely ignored because I’m not saying, “You know, Descartes made some good points” while simultaneously shoving my conversational partner’s face between my breasts.

I was talking to some people last night and I SAID, “I wonder how long it’s going to be before her fan club checks in,” (as soon as I saw that the point had been missed entirely) and, “I wonder how long before someone accuses me of projecting my hatred of my own body onto her.” The latest guess anyone made was Tuesday, btw.

I admit that what I did was basically take my pique at not showing up on alkmost anyone’s radar, stew about it, and then seemingly lash out at the first convenient target (SW) when my irritation finally reached critical mass. However, for the record, FLIRT ALL YOU WANT! FUCK ALL YOU WANT! Honestly, it’s the men who have finger callouses from starting fawning posts on their right hands and palm callouses on their left hands from …reading the replies :wink: who rack me off.

No one needs to defend themselves to ME, though. I don’t require the approval of any of y’all although it would be nice occasionally, and I know none of y’all require my approval. And I’m not bothering to preview so if the code in this is fucked up beyond belief, so be it.

And I’m willing to bet this generates even MORE hate posts. No hate mail, mind you; through this whole short debacle, not one person from this board has emailed me.

26

People, there is a proper place to send sexy pictures and x-rated stories.

That place is ishmael57@yahoo.com :slight_smile:

27

Hamadrad, techchick68 - for fuck’s sake just walk away from this one, please? This will result in nothing good, other than to start off a brand new (nearly) Spring week with a bunch of bad baggage. NO ONE has to have the last word - it will break my heart to see you two fine ladies fighting here again.

To quote the Humongous One from The Road Warrior:

28

Hamadryad - tearing through the hyperbole I’d say that your assessment is absolutely true.

And that is why I (very nearly) never venture remotely near MPSIMS.

Average Joe ™ is an arsehole. You really don’t need me to tell you that. If you want intellectual discourse, especially about Descartes, do you really think that MPSIMS is the place to get it? Maybe I just miss your posts, but I don’t recall you in many GD threads about such topics.

Personally I am incredibly grateful that a forum exists to remove such clutter from the conversation I am actually interested in. MPSIMS is a forum for general chit-chat - people making friends on-line. An extrapolation from that aim to the behaviour you mention is not a leap of faith.

pan

29

Following up a half-hearted, condescending “compliment” of sorts with language like this:

It’s obvious from her handle that this sort of nasty, crusty-fingered gibbering is something she gets off on, or she wouldn’t be as fucking onvious as she has been, putting the word “sexy” in her HANDLE.

Pretty much negates the original compliment and puts you firmly in the “rude and insulting” camp.

**

The first sentence was pretty much overshadowed by the ensuing bullshit.

**

So first you say you’re NOT attacking me, but then you follow up with this “judgement” on what I should call myself. For the record, I didn’t suggest that I “didn’t want sexual advances.” Hey, bring 'em on! I only said, or meant to say at least, that I don’t feel calling myself “sexy” is much of an indication of WHAT I want or how I perceive myself. Nor does it mark me as worthy of being insulted. Where do you get off suggesting that you can complain about what I choose to call myself and the repercussions that has for me? Why is this your business?

I also pointed out that I didn’t feel anyone had gotten out of line in their response to me. And in fact, I think I insinuated that in cases in which I was “asking for it” and making innuendo, I got sexual responses. When I wrote about something else, I GOT something else. That’s usually the way it goes, no?

**

I’m actually not that interested in your advice. If I need advice, I will ask for it. I’m an adult, and as such, can generally take care of my own difficulties and relationships. Not only that, but I don’t have any interest in getting into some kind of he said/she said gossipy nonsense.
**

Your insulting language indicates otherwise.

**

Or maybe you just need to take a closer look at how you’ve been rude and insulting. Claiming that you intended no “judgement” seems a little thin after you’ve passed judgement, ya know?

**

So what? I attracted attention. Big fucking deal.

**

Perhaps not. But in the future, when you use insulting language and make rude comments about how people refer to themselves and what they talk about, you can assume they’ll become defensive, k?

**

That’s odd…because I got a bunch of mail. Go figure.

Anyway…in closing, I just want to say a few things:

TITS, TITS, TITS!!

Jeez, I talk about my car and my cats a lot too, but no one’s torn me a new one for that.

-L

30

…and again, the point is missed utterly. “Must defend myself! Must find insults! Must keep insulting things going! Must continue to argue!”

Aiight, be my guest. Validate yourself from here toHell and back. Glad I could give you a thread to talk about how:

“I don’t think I’m sexy. I don’t perceive myself as sexy. Which is why I call myself ‘sexy.’”

I should have made my handle, “Bilious spewer of sewage and vomit,” since I don’t see that way. I’m sure everyone would understand.
“…puts you firmly in the “rude and insulting” camp.”

Oh, shit, I’m rude and insulting? Where’s Peter Jennings when you need him? It’s a SCOOP, folks!

“…but then you follow up with this “judgement” on what I should call myself.”

I never said you SHOULD call yourself ANYTHING.

“For the record, I didn’t suggest that I “didn’t want sexual advances.” Hey, bring 'em on!”

Show me anywhere I said this was a Bad Thing. Anywhere. G’wan.

“I’m actually not that interested in your advice. If I need advice, I will ask for it.”

So ignore me. How hard is that? “Well, you could ignore me, too.” Yeah, I could. I didn’t. Oopsie. My bad. snort I’m not going to pretend that I coulnd’t have, though.

“Your insulting language indicates otherwise.”

Show me where.

"That’s odd…because I got a bunch of mail. Go figure. "

Which was partially my point. Go figure.

I guess that’s the last time I attempt a half-hearted apology. If my whole heart’s not in it I won’t bother at all. Damn. You’d think with all the reading-between-the-lines people do on here, they’d just every so often randomly NOT assume I mean the worst possible interpretation of everything I say.

Owell, it’s been a bit of excitement anyhow. I’ve made a few new enemies, I have proven once and for all precisely how little my voice means, and I’ve gotten yet more validation for my complete lack of self-esteem. That’s quite a lot to accomplish in one stupid thread. I guess I’m proud of that, at any rate.

And SW should be thrilled. With all of the fan mail this has generated, her ego should be nearing the size of Brazil by now. Not that, from all appearances, that’s particularly a stretch.

“God, Hama, you’re a BITCH!”

Gee, thanks for noticing.

31

Una

I thought I did a pretty good job of not flaming her. < shrug > I saw her post, I disagreed with it, I posted as such and HEY, I got a response.

If she feels it appropriate to take pot shots at me, cool, I will not respond to it in the way many would like to see, I am not into hanging my own noose. I will, however, see a pit thread no matter who it is and respond to it in the kindest way I can if I disagree with the OP. No problem here. She can take all the shots she wants at me, I am beyond that now.

32

Anthracite I apologize for extending this.

That said…

Hey there, remember me? I’m the guy who started the Sexwriter: An Amazingly Good Newbie thread. And yes, I’m a guy. Whoda thunk it?

But I thought I’d made it clear when I started it that I was admiring SW for her intelligence and wit, not for her handle or physical attractiveness.

Heck, I’ve said it often that I’m a married man, my first child is in my sig for God’s sake! I don’t really flirt (though I think I got carried away in the thread) on the boards and I’m fairly comfortable that way.

I quote:

So I thought I was being clear that my praise was aimed at her posts and wit. How can it be anything else when I publicly state that I don’t want to woo her because I’m married and that I’ll just admire her for her brains?

33

Perhaps a word from a neutral observer who neither knows nor cares about either poster. Nor do I indulge in MPSIMS flirting. That said.

The OP and subsequent follow-ups all around are singularly unconvincing as stated and frankly read as fairly insulting to Sexywriter and to others. Given that the written word often comes off as colder, harsher than the writer’s intention, perhaps the OP should step back, stop justifying and just flat out apologize. It is hard to avoid a distinct impression of jealousy and unjustified lashing out.

Well, enough of this. Back to GD to clarify my singularly obscure OP.

34

But if I apologize, no one can take anything I’ve said and insult me for it. No one can jump on the bandwagon and defend everyone else against my baseless attacks. No one can vent their spleens at me and get rid of pent-up aggression. No one can use this thread to get rid of stress by unloading it all on me.

I’m doing a public service here. What, do none of you see the opportunities inherent in me deliberately leaving myself open to being a whipping boy?

I should receive a medal for outstanding public service.

35

Hama, I am almost hitting my head on my desk over this comment:

Hama, reread your post, your title, it states:

Yes you got pissy about the guys but then you said:

This can NEVER in many people’s eyes be construed as positive.

I don’t know where the apology is (I looked but didn’t see it) but from your OP it was not very nice. I stated I felt you could have handled it differently. And I think a few here would agree. If you got a beef, go after those you intend the problem to stem from.

You can slam me for my past all you choose, but know this from me, I am not one to BS with you. You made a very bad impression with your OP, you came across as “the bitter divorced woman that hates the new and younger wife to her ex-husband” for an analogy. I am not doing this to piss you off but to let you know where I think many are coming from here.

Had you focused on the sex-starved men that apparently pissed you off rather than focusing your attention on SexyWriter, then I think people would understand more. But you did take it a step further.

I will look further through the posts, again, to see this apology but note that not all of us agree with you and your approach to this whole thing. It is the Pit and I will do my damndest to not get Pit Like with you but not everyone has to agree with you or your methods because you think it should be so.

36

You know, Hama … when you’re up on the cross like that?

I can see up your dress.

[sub](Pant … drool … leer…)[/sub]

37

Oh my god, Ham! You’ve officially punished me by causing me to spit coffee out my nose. Do you have any idea what that feels like?

Your services as “whipping boy” are GREATLY appreciated from my end. As a matter of fact, I find it interesting and bizarre that I’ll be the first to say, "I don’t care what so-and-so thinks, but then jump in and defend myself to the death when there’s any inkling that so-and-so doesn’t like me. You’re completely right…it’s just a place to put my pent up hostility. And there’s plenty of it!

Ham, I’m officially nominating you for the sexiest whipping boy on the boards in the “sexy doper chick pageant.” And if you’re offended by “pageants” then…well…you should be. They’re awful. And it’s true, those involved only did this to facilitate a mainly sexual conversation. See if you can talk some sense into them!

And I sincerely apologize for being the bitch that I am. Shouldn’t have taken it out on you.

-L

38

Hey, does this mean I have a BBQ Pit thread devoted to ME?

Doesn’t that mean I’m a fully accepted member of the SDMB or something?

I feel so…fulfilled.

39

For you, Milo, I promise to wear underwear.

techchick: "It is the Pit and I will do my damndest to not get Pit Like with you but not everyone has to agree with you or your methods because you think it should be so. "

a) Go ahead and get Pit-like with me. If I want warm-fuzzies I’ll stay in MPSIMS.

b) And nope, no one has to agree with me. Not one single solitary human being in the world. Never said they did.

Meanwhile, SW should thank me for making this thread, and put the URL for it in her sig…she’s bringing it up all over MPSIMS and getting a hell of a lot more mileage out of it than I am.

I apologize for saying she was being “fucking obvious.” I should have just said “obvious.” My bad.

I apologize for implying that the men who hang out in MPSIMS are libidinous horndogs. I should only have implied “libidinous.” My bad.

I do apologize for the slam at techie, tho. That was TOTALLY uncalled-for. Just…man, I see your handle and the flags go up. It’s almost like Budweiser to an alcoholic. I’ll try to rein it in.

40

I wish I had more time to keep up with the soap-opera drama of MPSIMS. It’s all I can do just to skim the Pit and try to discern who hates whom this week. Clearly, I need to turn my monitor away from everyone else at work.