I was non-helpful to a person who was drunk or high

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And now I feel really bad about it.

If you’ll indulge me for a second, here’s my totally mundane and pointless episode of the day. It’s not a good a story or anything, so there’s not much in it for you, but I need some moral guidance. Here goes:

So I’m outside my apartment building smoking a cigarette, and this guy comes up to me asking if I have a phone. He explains that he is supposed to meet a lady friend for dinner, but he’s not sure where she lives, and his phone has died. So I hand him my phone. He calls his friend, but there’s no answer.

The thing is, at this point I’m realizing that there’s something… strange about the guy. He won’t stop talking. He keeps asking me about what the neighborhood is like, whether it’s quiet or if there’s much noise or crime. He talks about his shoes and how he really shouldn’t be wearing sneakers to a dinner party. When I tell him about how the neighborhood is mostly quiet, but there’s some drug addicts around, he starts going on about how drug addicts are the ones who have a really hard time, more than regular people, and people don’t realize that, and blah blah blah.

He also just has that, I don’t know, undefinable “very drunk or high” thing going on. You know? That thing?

He’s perfectly nice, non-threatening and friendly. He’s not a bum or a creep. He’s just… off-kilter.

So he asks if he can send a text message to his friend instead, and then continues going on about how maybe I could meet him later and blah blah blah…

At which point I basically panic, and my priorities shift to: “This guy is weird and I don’t want to be his friend, he’s had his phone call, I’m buggering off”. So I take my phone and quickly excuse myself.

And now I’m kicking myself for not being nicer about it. I should have let him send the freaking text message. What would have been the harm in that? Or if he was just lost, I could have given him some directions. No reason for me to be an asshole about it.

On the other hand, part of me is also saying “Oh, fuck it.” If he hadn’t been high and acting strange, I wouldn’t have been such an asshole. He scared me off, is all. Surely, there are more important things that I should be beating myself up over.

So, set me straight. Should I just let this go, or am I right to continue torturing myself? Will this mess up my karma balance much? What is the proper penance? Are you usually nice to strangers who are acting drunk or high?

2

You don’t owe him anything, and so any response to him is perfectly acceptable: from shutting him down immediately, to partially helping him as you did, to doing whatever he wanted.

You did a good deed, even if you didn’t do the best you could. You still helped the guy. So just let it go.

3

I dial the number for him.

I type the text for him.

I keep checking around for additional scary folks wandering up.

You did not spot the high until way too late. If drunk, should be able to smell it.

Don’t worry about, just do better next time it gets sketchy.

4

I’d be willing to bet he was.

5

You did way more for him than I would. There’s no way I’m handing my phone to a stranger.

6

I’ll just stick to my saying no to pretty much everyone that asks for something and I don’t know them.

7

You let him borrow your phone, and you indulged his questions for a few minutes. You were helpful.

8

yeah, you did your part to help him. he will sober up and continue on with his life.

9

I think you were quite kind, and have no reason to feel badly. Sending a text to a stranger is probably not a good idea, and who knows when they would have replied?

It was nice of you to allow him to try and call.

Some time ago, I was working late at the office by myself… usually the last employee to leave before me locks the front door, but she did not this time. About 8 pm, late in an industrial area, a man reeking of alcohol came in. He apologized profusely and asked if he could just sit there on the floor by the door for a moment, just to get warm.

Nervous, but wanting to be kind, I invited him to a chair, (also where I could keep an eye on him), and conversed with him for a bit. He said he’d just gotten out of jail that day, and already misplaced his bag of belongings. I felt a bit sorry for him, but I had a couple of pallets of big boxes in the warehouse that needed to be unloaded and he looked strong, so I offered to pay him if he’d stock them for me. Not only did he stock them, but took it upon himself to stack the pallets with the others, then found the broom and swept up too.

I fed him the meager amount of food I had, a can of soup and a protein bar, gave him $20 and asked if there was anyone he could call. He thought of a friend, called and said friend offered to let him come and stay, a place about a mile away.

I sent him off, and felt a little guilty about not offering him a ride.

Funny how we bend over backwards to help someone, and then feel badly about not doing one more thing!

So, don’t stress. You were kind, and did more than people would for a stranger.

10

Weird, possibly intoxicated random men get absolutely zero attention or “help” from me. I am a target for such people, seemingly, and I’ve developed a rather thick, um, dickish, skin towards them.

11

You did good Martian Bigfoot. Don’t stress about it.
If it was me, my only concern would be now “somebody” has your cell phone number and tied you to a certain location.
Other than that, ones mind can contemplate endless possibilities of mayhem which Karma says probably won’t happen.

Jeesh, that didn’t assuage you did it? I’m bad at advice-giving :slight_smile:

12

No…nope. Pretty sure you didn’t develop dick skin. It doesn’t protect against anything! :cool:

13

Any time you fear for your safety, you are entirely justified in removing yourself from the situation in which you find yourself. Please do not spend another minute beating yourself up over this turn of events. In the future, please continue to listen to the voice of caution inside yourself. It is there for a reason, and there are countless stories of people who ignored that voice and bitterly regretted it later, if they were alive to regret it at all.

14

You weren’t an asshole. You are under no obligation to be nice in any manner at all to someone who is screwed up on booze or drugs. You made a mistake by letting that person get close to you, but fortunately you fixed the mistake by getting away from him.

I just hope he wasn’t calling a 900 number off your phone.

15

I have had several instances of “I have a bad vibe” about a person and they have been correct each time with the drunk/crazy person getting violent and out of control. Now if I get the slightest tingle of it I don’t say a word, I just walk away. You did good so seriously, don’t beat yourself up and in the future, unless you are really compelled to, don’t engage with people in that state. Or the instant you realize it just say “Oh I am so sorry, I have to run RIGHT NOW” and do so. They won’t even think about you past the 30 seconds it takes you to high tail it out of there.

16

Heh, I was going to post my anecdote which also involves a phone. I was at a pay phone when a drunk-seeming person asked me how to make a collect call. As this was the age of famous 1-800 collect call numbers, I told him about them and how to use them. He then asked me to dial the number for him (he had an Australian accent so it’s quite possible he didn’t trust American dialing systems.) I refused since I didn’t know if he was waiting for my back to be turned or, more likely, he’d try to find some way of making me pay for the call.

17

The energy flow of this guy was not conducive to you wanting to stay there. It sounded like you did the correct thing as he sounded like what I would term a spiritual parasite or spiritual vampire. He was disrupting your peace and that’s what these people do, they feed off if that.

You gave him a bit of energy (a foothold) on letting him make that first call, you opened the door to be emotionally invested in his well being. He tried to pry that door open further, in which case you shut it.

I would also view his call not reaching the person as God blocking it and protecting you, as if he did get through he surly would have talked far longer then you would have been comfortable with. Texting would also lead to perhaps waiting for a reply.

This person’s intent of the heart I have not picked (from your post) up as genuine in need, but he is a taker of your energy, not a receiver of your kindness. Now I’m not saying he intentionally set up this circumstance for the reason I stated, but this is how it commonly lines up.

18

I didn’t think of that. Very good point. He would probably have still been talking on it now, given the chance, considering the stream-of-consciousness style he was operating with. I’d have to pry the thing off of his ear. :eek:

Thanks to all of you, BTW. I don’t feel so bad about it now, after hearing your takes on it.

I guess that I was upset with myself mostly for bailing on him in the middle of the interaction. Seems more dickish to run off like that after starting out by being nice, than if I’d just ignored him to start with.

Mainly, I should have paid more attention to my surroundings and spotted the high right away. And then I need a consistent strategy for these things. The best one is probably to go the safe route and be less helpful rather than more. Dickish as it sounds, I think that’s what I’ll be going with from here.

19

Fear is a gift. Never ignore your own spider sense, it’s very poor form.

You did exactly what you should have, now stop second guessing yourself. It’s not like you just shot his dog!

20

I’ve inadvertently given people very detailed directions to completely the wrong place and not realized it until they were long gone. I’ve felt bad about that. The situation in the OP, not so much.