I was at the bar with some friends the other night and one friend of mine asked me if he bought me a drink, if I would drink it. I don’t drink, but I’ll try something once in a very great while, so I said that I’d try it.
This friend then proceeded to buy 2 shots of 151 proof Rum. I watched in amazement as he took his lighter and lit the both of them on fire, then proceeded to down his shot without even blowing out the flames, nor having a second thought about it. I was in disbelief! He just looked at me and said, “Your turn.” I took a few seconds to mentally prepare myself… a very LARGE mistake on my part that I soon found out about. So I grabbed the flaming glass and began to raise it to my mouth.
In the process of putting the now burning hot glass to my lips, certain automatic reactions immediately kicked in… in other words I flinched from the pain of my fingers and lips burning. This unwittigly caused some of the burning drink to spill… spill right onto my shirt.
Just so you know, I was able to put out the flaming garment quickly enough so that nothing was damaged, but for a good 6 seconds, I was litterally on fire.
I wish I had some witty ending I could add to this story, but I don’t. All I can really say looking back on it was that I’ve rarely done anthing that stupid so I suppose I was about due.
That happened to a friend of mine, DG, on a first date (this was probably back in the 1960s). He took a woman to a very fancy French restaurant. At the end of the evening, he was enjoying a snifter of cognac as a digestif. She was a little fussy and wanted to clean a spot off his tie. Reaching across, she knocked his cognac into his lap.
Mortified and very apologetic, she instinctively tried to help him wipe up the mess with her napkin. She didn’t quite realize that it would amount to stroking his groin area!
DG. – always trying to be a proper gentlemen – was trying to take care of it himself, terrified that other restaurant patrons and/or staff would think something improper was going on. “No, no, it’s quite alright… really!” Between his date trying to mop up the cognac on his lap, and DG. trying to fend off her good intentions, she managed to knock a candle off the table onto his lap, whereupon his pants ignited.
DG. was able to quickly pat out all the flames. His pants were scorched, but not burnt through. He said it was a bit hot, but he doesn’t remember it being painfully hot (he’s 74 now, so it may just be his memory).
A sensitive guy, when he’s asked to retell the story, he always says he feels so bad for the poor girl. He liked her. She was nice, but never accepted another invitation from him because she was too embarassed.
Man, you always gotta take the words right outta my mouth. It’s like you got a pair of tweezers in your hands, waiting for the next gulf of air I may use to utter speech.
