In these times, one of the few advantages of living in a small college town in Iowa is that everything in this town is so utterly insignificant that it could not possibly be a terrorist target. There are local jokes that when the end of the world comes, we’ll hear about it 2 years after the fact.
But last week, just before the anthrax news hit, amidst the gov’t warnings about possible further terrorist actions, I drove to Chicago to see a major software product roll-out and training session, taking along a student from the local university. As we drove there, we were kinda nervous that I had the address but didn’t know exactly what building it was, we might be heading to the new #1 target in the entire US, the Sears Tower. Further nervousness was inspired by the arrest of an illegal alien afghan living only 20 miles from my town, he was accused of involvement in a plot to bomb the Sears Tower. Yow!
So I’m driving into town, and yes indeed, I am headed for Ground Zero, the office is in the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, right next to the Sears Tower, and as attractive a terrorist target in its own right as the WTC. Our bags were searched, and we proceeded to the office, with the nagging thought that this presentation damn well better be the best thing I ever saw, for me to go from my relative isolation to such a high-risk location. But the presentation started with an announcement that the presenter, one of the key program authors, was hung up crossing customs from Toronto, his flight was cancelled, and he would not arrive in time. The presentation was given by a local tech support guy for a different product, he had never touched the new product until he got handed the manual the night before. They knew the original presenter would not be able to attend long enough in advance to warn people by email, I was absolutely furious to drive for 4 hours and then receive a 3-hour presentation by a complete idiot, it was obvious after 10 minutes that I knew more about the product than he did. But the final insult was that the original presenter actually DID make it to the show, but he arrived halfway through and sat silently in the back row watching the newbie blow it, until 10 minutes before the end of the show when the newbie presenter noticed he was there, and then handed off to him. What the newbie had (unsuccessfully) tried to cover in almost 3 hours, the pro covered in 10 minutes. And then it was over. I peeked at their notes for the presentation, it looked like they covered about 3% of what they had intended to present. What a fiasco, the whole trip was a complete waste of time. I felt like I’d risked my life for this idiotic presentation.
Well, it was all over, and on the drive back, we congratulated ourselves for escaping any life-threatening catastrophe, and we were glad to be back home, where nothing ever happens. And then I heard the news about the anthrax attacks. And recalled the bag search, and figured that if I was a terrorist, I would have dusted my own bag with anthrax and offered it for inspection, and the security guards would have gotten it on their hands and transferred it to every bag they inspected. Good thing I wasn’t carrying any bags that day. But my friend was.
Yes, these sorts of nutso paranoid thoughts have been running through my head. I have been infected with anthraxophobia. And the worst part is, now I have some of the symptoms of anthrax. But I know what’s causing it, I just got a flu vaccination, and I always get slightly ill, swollen lymph nodes, slight fever, muscle aches, etc. I get everything the flu gives you, except for the respiratory symptoms. So now I have symptoms that would mask any anthrax symptoms, at a time when some public health officials are saying that the best preventative measures for anthrax is to get a flu shot, that way if you develop symptoms, you’ll know it’s not flu, it’s something else.
Just tonight, I told my travel companion about my irrational fears, and that she absolutely should tell me if she developed any symptoms, and to my horror, she said she had a sore throat, muscle aches, and achy lungs. Yow! But she lives in a dormitory and colds and flu run rampant there, the odds are infinitesimal that she’s got anthrax. But we’re both still in the incubation period for our potential exposure, and won’t feel safe for at least another week or two. So I’m begging the ChiDopers, please let me know if you hear even the slightest rumor of anthrax exposure in Chicago anywhere near the Mercantile Exchg or Sears Tower. If the unthinkable happens, surely it will be all over the news, but Dopers are the best connected and hear everything first, so there is a billions-to-one chance that you could save our lives with an early response.
Thank you for reading this completely irrational, paranoid rant. Now I must get some rest. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to buddha my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, tag my corpse: “incinerate.”
You live in Iowa, surrounded by Iowa women, and had to go all the way to Chicago to start worrying about catching a livestock disease? (rimshot)
I’ll let you know if I hear anything but I mostly listen to Michigan Radio on the net at work because they don’t have any Chicago news. Plus they play Todd Mundt and both hours of “Talk of the Nation,” which I can’t get on the Chicago NPR station.