Here’s what happened:
I called the doctor’s office after slightly wrenching my back. The phone rang at his office and a lilting receptionists’ voice picked up and confirmed that I could come to his office right away. Even though it was around 4:30 in the afternoon there was strangely enough, very little, to no traffic, so I arrived at the doctor’s office in no time.
Upon entering the doctor’s office the very pleasant looking receptionist ask me to take a seat. I sat down in one of the leather overstuffed chairs in the waiting room and relaxed. Within 15-30 seconds a beautiful blonde nurse stepped through the door and motion for me to come in. I looked at her and motioned with my hands…me?? She nodded her head yes in confirmation, her mouth in a comly smile. I went into the very spacious examing room which consisted of a huge glass window that looked out over a green garden. My doctor was already sitting there waiting for me. He smiled and said, “please have a seat Mr. aha and tell me what is wrong with you today.” I told him my problem with a pitiful looked on my face and he said, " I will have you fixed up in no time" and with that he began writing furiously on a prescription pad. As he wrote he spoke, “Now Mr. aha these pills are narcotic in nature and may make you feel euphoric for about 4 to 5 hours at a time. And they may be slightly addicting but don’t worry I will put PRN on the presciption, meaning you can refill when needed for as many times as you need to for life”, to which I replied, “Thanks doc.” We shook hands and I left his office.
As I went up to the receptionist to pay she looked at me with a sweet grin and a twinkle in her eye and said, "No charge today Mr. aha!
“We’ll just file it on your insurance and let them worry about it”. I thanked her and left the office feeling wonderful.
HAHAHAA yeah right…
What *really * happened.
After wrenching my fucking back on the riding mower, I called the doctor’s office. I told the recepionist I needed to see the doctor. “He’s not seeing any more patients today Mr. aha.” She said. To which I replied through clenched teeth, “I am in mortal pain here… I need to see a doctor dammit!” She said, "Well come on then, maybe we can work you in. I drove to the office in heavy traffic cursing my pain the entire way. When I got into the reception room I was motioned over to a row of hardback chairs by an obviously pissed off lady behind the desk. There, 15 other people sat in various stages of their diseases. One in particular coughed on me every time I reach for a germ infested, out of date magazine. The little 5 year old girl, who’s mom was too sick to make her mind, played around my feet, her angelic face shining through the snot running down her upper lip. No amount of grimacing would make her go away.
I waited almost two hours. By then all of the patients had gone home, I had read all the Ladies Home Journals and the little girl had successfully whiped her nose on my pant legs.
Finally I was motioned into a cubical that couldn’t have been more than 6 ft by 6 ft. There I sat listening to the sounds outside in anticipation and waiting on my doctor. Twenty minutes went by…just as I was about to go screaming into the sunlight, in comes my doctor. He looked worn out…in fact he looked worse than me. “What have you done now?” He asked looking over his spectacles. I told him my problem looking up at him like checkers the dog. “Welllll he said these things happen.”
He wrote me a presciption for some mild muscle relaxers and told me to take advil twice a day for two weeks. I left the by now stifling cubicle for the reception room and freedom when the receptionst at the desk got my attention. “That will be 40 dollars co-pay today, Mr. aha.” She said with a toothy smile. I winched, pitched two twenties at her and broke for the clear light of day.
Hi, aha, how the hell are ya? Glad to have you here.
Ed Zotti
Funny story Mr. aha! I hope your back is feeling better soon.