I last ate at KFC about six or seven or maybe eight years ago, and it was terrible. I have not been back since for that reason, but I now have a desire for their potato wedges, which I like to begin with.
Also, an excellent thread, BK.
Oh, Homebrew, you finally made me miss the south!
I moved from Mississloppi to Washington state a year and a half ago, and I had completely forgotten about Popeyes. Now that’s some damn good chicken!!
Damn good rant, too!
Oh yes, Popeye’s rules over KFC. Especially the red beans & rice. But their chicken is extremely greasy. I think they inject it with extra grease or something. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing…
Sometimes I just skip the chicken altogether and get a large RB&R and a couple or three biscuits. Mmmm!
Sorry, my candidate for best line is
Blacknight, if you won’t marry BiblioCat, please consider my offer next in line. I’ll even see if I can master the sacred ritual of creating potato wedges at home so that they cannot be consumed by infidels.
CJ
Okay, jarbabyj’s masterful post aside, I simply can not believe that some of you people are defending the Crispy Strips. Those things are just little slabs of fried shoeleather, and you all know it.
But I likes me the potato wedges.
Ok, fine… didn’t want to go here, but… it’s basically a pre-fab mixture, consisting of three major ingredients.
Take one big sealed plastic bag of pre-diced cabbage and onions, rip it open and dump it in a big bowl.
Take small sealed plastic bag of pre-diced carrots, rip it open and dump that into same big bowl.
Here’s the nasty part.
Get one vat of “coleslaw juice” (a thick concoction that – sorry – looks for all the world like semen), open and pour out the entire thing over the cabbage and carrots.
With a big spoon, mix the come-cabbage compound until sufficiently goopy throughout. Store in cool fridge so that it congeals, repeat as necessary.
That, combined with the goopy mess that’s left when you’re getting low and need to make another batch, seriously turned me away from KFC slaw. I just can’t see the coleslaw for the come, I guess you could say.
There, happy?
Oh, for pete’s sake, Avalonian, I thought you were going to tell me something gory. Like that they used rotten cabbage or something. You’ve described how all coleslaw is made. Except for the part about mixing it with the old stuff. Who cares that they use the bagged stuff? And you’ve reinforced my assertion that the cole slaw is made from actual cabbage and actual carrots.
Can’t make the same claim about the mashed potatoes. I know without ever having worked there that they come out of a box. Which is a 3rd degree culinary misdemeanor.
laughs Yup, powdered potatoes. The gravy too, by the way.
As far as the coleslaw goes, I guess you had to be there. That shit is nasty.
[sing along]
I say pot[ai]to.
You say potto.
I say foon.
You say spork.
Let’s call the whole thing off!
I’m looking directly at you, BlackKnight.
I re-read this thread today, and I got me a hankerin’ for some potato wedges, so I stopped at KFC. Actually, it was one of those lame-ass KFC/Taco Bell combination joints. Motto: “All the worst crap you could possibly shove down your neck under one roof.” They may have actually sold Pizza Hut in there too at some point, but I don’t really recall. That crappy-assed pizza doesn’t sell too well around here, anyway.
I most emphatically don’t want the Crispy Strips. Beyond that, my options are limited to the Greasy Crap and the Other Greasy Crap, unless I want a Gordita (whatever the Hell that is). I order the two-piece chicken with two sides and a “biscuit.” For my sides, I select the mashed potatos and the potato wedges. I figure, “Who cares how bad the chicken is, at least I’ll get my wedges.”
Big mistake.
The not-so-cute girl takes my order and my money, and hands me a receipt with my number on it. I am number 268. Bad sign. There are about a dozen people hanging around the people-corral thing with no obvious place to go. Really bad sign. The kid behind the counter (hereafter known as “Captain Slackjaw”) is displaying a really bad attitude, a “KFC” ball cap cocked sideways, and a fundamental inability to put simple food orders together. Extremely bad sign. Then Captain Slackjaw yells, “number 157.” Extra specially super bad sign.
So I stood there for fifteen minutes. Captain Slackjaw screws up order after order. At one point, I remarked to the guy standing next to me that KFC really takes the “fast” out of “fast food.” (I know, really old joke.) He says, “yeah, I work at McDonalds, and we would never make anybody wait this long.” Super-huge turbo-nuclear Bad Sign.
Then I finally get my “food” directly from the hands of Captain Slackjaw.
[ul]Chicken: Cold* and greasy.
Mashed potatos and gravy: Cold* and gelid.
“Biscuit”: If I order another one I’ll have two wheel chocks the next time I have to change the oil in my truck.
Potato wedges: Here’s the real crime. Cold*, greasy and crushed.[/ul]
I ate it all anyway. After all, I paid $5.16 for it.
As I left, Captain Slackjaw yelled, “Come again.” Not on your life, buddy.
I feel sick.
[sup]* By “cold” I mean “sitting around at room temperature for six hours” tepid.[/sup]
KFC has sporks? I thought it was only Taco Bell.
Same soft salami, buddy.