“Oops!”
“Okay, so you’re here for your check engine light?”
It should be noted that I’m writing this from my Honda dealer right now.
“Thank you for posting!”
“You did WHAT?”
“Well, if I had a penis, I’d probably think that way, too.”
Apparantly, I’m better than TV for some of my friends… 
“Smile!”
pffftthhhh…
Not for Nothin…
and
Aks (as opposed to ask)
It’s a Bronx thing, hear both at work at least 20X a day. That’s $200 week, 10,000 a year. Too bad, if it it's not enough to retire on. And if I retired, I'd lose the cuz I wouldn’t be at work to hear them anymore
“He’s getting so BIIIIIIIIIIIIG!” exclaimed by someone when presented with someone else’s kids, or pictures thereof.
No, really? They usually do get bigger. When you can honestly say, “he’s so much smaller than the last time I saw him; he’s getting so small”, that would be something fresh and new, at least.
(And come to think of it, don’t show me any pictures of your kids or pets, and don’t tell me any stories about them. Believe it or not, they are not as fascinating to your average innocent bystander as they are to you.)
“Did that hurt?” or worse “Is that real?” regarding piercings or tattoos.
“Not to be rude, but…”
“So, you’re from Texas. Do they have trees/cowboys/people riding horses instead of driving cars there?”
Aaack! I hate that one! I usually counter with a “would you like me to show you?” and a menacing look.
I swear I’m going to deck someone next time I’m at a restaurant and the waiter/waitress asks: “Are you sure you’re done? You sure you can’t eat anymore?”
It’s not my fault they serve portions fit for a whole bridge team.
“Keep me in the loop.” [sub](yeah, how 'bout I put a loop around your neck?)[/sub]
“Touch base” [sub](Who am I, Derek Jeter???)[/sub]
“You’re kidding?” [sub](OK, you caught me. I’m a lying bastard.)[/sub]
“proactive”
“going forward”
I HATE these. I dread going into meetings because I know I’m going to hear each of them at least once, usually from someone totally clueless. An exceptionally clueless person can manage to use both in the same sentence.
I know I posted this same thing in a recent “pet peeves” thread, but these feelings run deep. I needed to vent again.
Jennifer Lopez, J. Lo, Jenny from the block, Ben and Jennifer, the future Mrs. Affleck, (and on the flip side) the future Mr. Lopez.
I could buy the friggin’ planet if I got a dollar each time I heard these phrases. Even on the radio station that I listen to, who wouldn’t play a Jennifer Lopez song if you paid them to. You just can’t get away from it! ARRGH!
Yeah, too bad she’s not still with Sean Combs, er, Puffy. Uh, Puff Daddy. No wait, P. Diddly. Bo Diddly? Sean John? Yikes.
Signed,
Skelji From The Board
“Like”
"Don’t take it personally."
Anything said about me that is said directly to me is taken personally, there’s no way around this.
"Not to sound offensive, but…"
and
"Don’t take this the wrong way…"
9 times out of 10 I end up taking it the “wrong” way.
"Let’s just be friends."
Translation: “No more poontang for you, buddy!”
“Been there, done that.”
“Oh, how cute!!!”
“The receiver must have both feet in bounds.”
“His arm was in motion, so it’s an incomplete pass.”
“After further review…”
“His knee was down, so it’s not a fumble.”
“The Chiefs defense stinks.”
Yes.
Also, “At the end of the day.”