I’m not sure if FarmerOak is kidding or not, but I’d rather eat fried dog shit than a soyburger.
What? I asked for a burger that had what I ordered, on it. I was not arguing and I was not an asshole.
The other people were definitely the assholes, here.
I mean, d’uh?
You’ve seen the commercial where the man in the diner tells his waitress, “I didn’t want mayonnaise on this”? Be glad you weren’t treated like that, and eat your 'burger 
A proper fried dog shit burger has about 2 packets worth of ketchup and mustard applied to the bottom layer of the poo. The top layer of poo must be slathered with about 5 tablespoons of mayo. Between the mayo and the chunks of shit is where the 6 pickle slices (or pickle relish), 1 tomato slice, 2 pieces of lettuce, fried or raw onion, and two partially melted slices of medium cheddar cheese go.
Akat, I have already said that I am sick of that. If you’re making a joke, it’s a tired one. If you’re serious, I will say what I’ve already said: I will not live in fear. If a worker or reacts with immaturity to my request, they will get slapped so hard. Not literally, but by the health inspectors.
Rallyburger… Rallyburger… Why does that sound famil:GASP!: Rallyburger is who bought out fucking Checkers!!! Ever since Checkers got bought out, whenever I order “Number five, PLAIN, nothing on it, medium, Dr. Pepper.” I get a #5, extra mayonnaise and lettuce, medium, Dr. Pepper.
GODDAMN IT HOW HARD IS IT TO NOT PUT FUCKING MAYONNAISE AND LETTUCE ON MY FUCKING SANDWICH WHEN I TELL YOU NOT TO USING TWO SEPARATE METHODS THAT ARE INDEPENDANTLY DISTINCT AND UNMISTAKABLE! HOW CAN YOU FUCK THAT UP!?
–Tim
Rilchiam, their attitude was unacceptable, and as long as you didn’t rave and rant and threaten to have everyone fired, your complaint was perfectly appropriate. Of course you don’t tell people that you don’t have separate utensils for serving two entirely different condiments - you should, and if you don’t, it’s nothing you want to tell your customers.
That fact they shared with you would ick me out enough to stop eating there - I would be unable to stop thinking about what else is below code back there - but if you’re braver than me, go to it, especially since you’ve now learned how to get your burger made the way you like it.
I don’t think you have to worry about added spit or anything, Rilchiam; both my LO and my sister served their terms in various fast food establishments, and they tell me it generally takes a lot more nastiness than you’ve described to make a customer stand out in someone’s mind. You’d have to have been seriously bitchy for them to remember you well enough to sabotage your next order.
Try this, Homer:
“Good day, young man (lady, person of indeterminate gender). I would partake of a Number 5, which generally pleases me. However, I do not care to have condiments of any kind applied to my Number 5.”
“Now, perhaps we need to agree on our terminology. When I say that I do not wish to have condiments on my Number 5, to which I look forward with great eagerness, it simply means that I do not wish to have said Number 5 adorned with any additional foods or food-type substances. A simple Number 5 will do, thank you.”
“By the way, a lesser person might think that, when I say I want no condiments, that means that I want no condiments save those which are customary, such as mayonnaise and lettuce. These persons would be mistaken! As I can see that you are a lad (lass, entity) of taste, class and distinction, I need not point out that, when I say no condiments, I am quite sincere in my desire to have an unadorned Number 5. The use of condiments, specifically mayonnaise and lettuce, is specifically proscribed.”
“I feel that it is incumbent upon me to mention that, should I pay for a Number 5 upon which I have specifically requested that no additional garnishes or flavor enhancers be placed, and am unfortunate enough to receive said garnishes and/or flavor-enhancers, I will, in a trice, rip off your pimply head and shit down your fucking minimum-wage throat.”
“Oh, and be so good as to cook it in a moderate fashion. Let’s call that ‘medium’”
“And a Dr Pepper.”
“There’s a good little stooge. Oh, and be quick about it.”
Let me know how this works.
Oh, Farmer, I know you’re joking…but he would lose them at “partake”.
You know I’m joking?
Schwanzong wasn’t so sure about my last post…
Heh heh heh.
My favorite customers are the ones who tell me in at least 4 different ways home they want thier sandwich. “I want a plain cheeseburger. That’s a cheeseburger with nothing on it. Only meat and cheese, and the bun. No ketchup, no mustard, no pickles, no onions, nothing. Just meat and cheese. And the bun.”
I realize there are some pretty stupid people out there, but even I can grasp the concept of a plain cheeseburger. And THAT’S why they made me manager.
Here in Australia (aren’t you sick of hearing me say that?) McDonalds, bowing to local pressure have produced the Aussie-burger, which has a slice of beetroot, lettuce leaves and sliced tomato.
Do you North Americans know what beetroot is? It’s a deep coloured (pinky-red) root vegetable, cooked, but eaten cold usually, tangy and sharp in taste.
Just thought you’d all like to know.
Redboss
Pammipoo, that reminds me of a great story. You might have some insight you can share.
The ex-wife worked at McD’s as a youngster, whereas the Farmer did not. She told me that, when a customer would specifically request a pickle-less burger (usually to “ensure” a FRESH burger,) the mischievous imps in the back would dip the surface of the burger bun in the pickle juice. Pain-in-the-ass-customer would then supposedly open the burger after each bite, looking for invisible pickles.
True trick played by burger jockeys? Or just ANOTHER FUCKING LIE TOLD TO ME BY SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED???
[Kinison]
AAugh! AAAAAUUUGGHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
[/Kinison}
Mr. Rilch’s boss has a standard reply to workers who balk at accomodating simple requests: “Oh, am I making you earn your paycheck?”
’boss, the suits at McD’s never "bow to local pressure.’ They cater to the market, even CREATING the market, when necessary.
Those fuckers can smell a buck a mile away.
And before you think I mean that as an insult: I buy McD’s stock whenever I have a buck to spare. Those fuckers are geniuses. By the time I retire, nobody will cook for themselves.
And he is right.
Providing excellent service, as opposed to merely adequate service, invariably costs little or nothing. But the rewards are measureable and lucrative.
Unfortunately for most consumers, this point is lost on most service providers.
Fortunately for the Farmer and his staff, this point is lost on most service providers.
We make bank, and we like our jobs.
What if someone is allergic to pickles?
Sheesh. When I was little, I was EXTREMELY picky, and always wanted a plain cheeseburger. And I got one.
You know what this is, Pam, is a no-win situation. Sure, you understand what “plain” means, but look how many people don’t. With some workers, you’re asking for it if you even mention the name of a condiment. Specifying that you don’t want it is pointless: if they hear the word “onions” or whatever, they’ll be sure to add it.
Actual exchange at Burger King:
Me: I’d like 2 Whoppers, ketchup and pickle only.
Cashier: (in a very heavy accent): 2 Whoppers, no ketchup, no pickle!
Me: No, 2 Whoppers, ketchup and pickle only. [I try **not** to change my phrasing, for fear it will confuse things further.]
Cashier: 2 Whoppers, no ketchup, only pickle! (Perkiness does not excuse inaccuracy!)
Me: No, 2 Whoppers, ketchup and pickle only.
Cashier: 2 Whoppers, mustard and pickle only!
Me: Can I talk to the manager?
Cashier: Oo, okay! 2 Whoppers, onion, ketchup and pickles!
Me: Can I talk to the manager, please.
Cashier: Oo, okay! Fries or drink?
Me: [raising voice] Is there a manager here? [I don’t see anyone in an oxford shirt.]
Cashier: Here or go?
Me: May I please speak to the manager?
Manager: Is there a problem?
Me: Your cashier can’t understand me. I would like 2 Whoppers with ket-chup and pick-kle on-ly, to go.
Manager: All right. [keys in order]
Me: Now, look. I gave my order three times and she repeated it wrong each time. I also asked for a manager, and all she said was “Oo, okay!”
Manager: She’s new here.
Me: New to what, the planet?
And THAT, Pam, is why some people come to you expecting a problem.
I’m one of those people.
I do it because sometimes I’ve said “plain” and then had to take the burger back and to hear “Oh, I thought you just meant no lettuce, but mustard and mayo were ok.” Or I’ve said “nothing on it” and spent time trying to wipe of tomato goo. Or “just plain, please” and taken a huge bite of pickles. Or, the weirdest, “Just Cheese, but nothing else” and gotten no cheese, but onions, tomatoes, lettuce, and pickles.
So, you look at the burger and find where it is possible for the order to go wrong, and then try and do everything in your power to get a plain cheeseburger. And, while I’m certain it annoys the good, competent people (like you) it’s the only way to save myself from the morons.