I believe you. But my kitties would think I hated them if I didn’t allow them to do disgusting things to me. Mostly involving spit.
One I forgot: when my cat Rex has REALLY been missing me (like when I’ve been gone on a trip), he will come to me in bed at night and knead my face. Sometimes, when he’s done, he will jam his paw into my mouth and expect me to leave it there.
Yeah, the same paw he uses to cover his shit in the litter box.
Bleh!
It gets complicated. No, I could not refuse to return a person’s property. If the animal has been abused, but the owner is seeking medical care than chances are it will not be prosecuted (at least in my area). Those cases that go to court involve a days lost wages for me, and typically a plea agreement where the person pays a small fine. I see maybe a case a year that could be reported, and actually report maybe one in ten.
As far as “serious talk with owners” that is not my style. I have had a couple people who I have asked to never return because they make me sick.
That sucks. 
Not much to finish. The dog had unusual perianal lesions. I was explaining to the owner that a biopsy of the area and some serology would be appropriate, as I was concerned for autoimmune disease. He then confessed that he and his roomie were responsible. Knowing the cause allowed me come up with a treatment plan. Never saw the guy again, I assume he went elsewhere for future care.
BTW, the two cases I mentioned were just two that sprung to mind. Far from the worst.
The NinjaPooch gets kisses on top of her head whenever I feel like it. When I do so, she tries to lick my chin, which I’m only slightly squeamish about.
If I’m sitting or lying barefoot, then she’ll often come up and start giving my feet and ankles a veritable bath with her tongue. I don’t mind, unless she licks the bottom of my feet, because I’m highly ticklish.
I also feed her right out of my hand, generally, whatever I’m eating. She loves goldfish crackers. I’ll pour some into my left hand, hold it out for her, and feed myself with my right hand. occasionally, I do this at the dinner table, which my parents absolutely hate. But she’s so cute!
I’ll go back and read this thread, but a story popped into mind immediately. First, I’ll mention that this morning I put my cream cheese-covered toast down on the coffee table before work, turned to pick something up and when I turned back, caught my dog licking the cream cheese off my toast. I called her off it and picked it up and ate it anyway. Screw it, it’s morning, I want my toast and it’s only dog spit. It’s only now just occurred to me that she’d already had her breakfast, so there were probably little microscopic bits of doggie backwash and science diet in my cream cheese. No wonder breakfast was so filling.
But the story goes… back in college, I had this cat named Fishbone. He was a little black and white kitty, cute as the day is long with a black tail that had a white ring around it, about an inch from the end. Fishbone liked to climb up on your chest, poke his nose into your hair behind your ear, then knead his paws (all claws intact) into the base of your skull while he purred like a lawnmower and drooled into your hair. All my friends had damp, tangled hair when they left my place. Fishbone was a lover Man.
One day, I was all alone in the house, lying on my back on the couch, watching TV. Fishbone was sprawled across my chest, having assumed the position. His motor was running and he was shredding the skin under my hair. All of a sudden, he started kicking me really hard with his back feet. Like kittens do when you rub their bellies. I said, “Ow! Fishbone, what the fuck are you doing to me?”
And that’s exactly what he was doing.
I lifted his front half off my chest to discover his little erect kitty pee pee. Maybe it was the air hitting it, but when I lifted him up, he spurted. And the kitty spooge arched right over my head, landing on the carpet behind the couch, which I think is a great place for kitty spooge.
I was completely creeped out. Then I thought it was the funniest thing ever because who would ever believe me? I swear I am not making this up: my cat got off on me. Oh, and my other dog eats his own poo and then kisses my face.
Top that.
:eek:
FTR, I completely missed Vetbridge’s anal-lesions story for some reason, and only saw the peanut butter one. That’s not quite as amusing, although I suppose not reporting stuff like that is ultimately better for the dogs, seeing as they probably wouldn’t get treatment at all if their owners were worried about having their lives completely ruined…
Oh, and to post something topical to the thread…
My dog absolutely loves ice cubes. Once, just to play with her, I took one from what I was drinking and spit it an arc over her–she pounced it and crunched it down, then came back for more. I obliged.
Now, whenever she hears the ice cube trays being twisted, she follows me until I sit down and won’t move until I spit a few out for her to chase.
Yeah, I could just lob them with my hands.
But it’s not as fun.
Heh heh . . . Fishbone.
Why yes I AM in the third grade.