Last night’s winner at our house:
You can sit on my boobs, but no kissy face.
(I think this has been done before, but that was too fun not to share.)
“Don’t give me kisses after you just got done licking your butt.”
Shut the HELL up! Jesus! Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow, meow. I get it. Hush.
Y’gotta admit, that would kinda turn off a prospective date.
“Let’s put on your leash so you don’t get in trouble.”
That depends entirely on what section you put the ad in 
Kitty, how come you never poop??!!
Nein, schwinehund!!!
“I wish you would hurry up and potty. I know you have to.”
I love you too, Tunabreath, but get your stinky butt out of my face.
Dammit T, quit stepping on my balls!
“Sorry 'bout your 'nads.”
Would you mind getting that outta my face?! I don’t want your furry balls touching my chin! ETA: Get your junk out of my face! It’s time to get you snipped, you’re spraying everywhere.
Last night for me;
I like it when you sit on my chest and lick my beard.
“You don’t need to sample everything on my plate; you’ve got your own food.”
This is exactly how one of our cats woke me up this morning!
“Who’s a big pussy? Who’s a big furry pussy? What a beautiful pussy!”
“I don’t care how badly you want to drink out of the sink, I have to wash my hands!”
“No thanks, I don’t want a courtesy sniff.”
Why do you want to go outside? It’s freakin’ cold outside! I’ll tell you why you want to go outside. Because you’re an idiot, that’s why.
“Hey! Furry Butt!”
I don’t care if you want to go to bed, you have to pee and poop first. Don’t give me that look, I know it’s raining. I’m coming too to watch you.