I'd like to flame my dog now, if you don't mind

The BBQ Pit
1

Tonight the ice hockey league started up for the season. It’s from 10 to midnight, and an hour’s ride home.

Having not done much rollerblading this summer, you can imagine I was feeling it after two hours. Looking forward to getting home, drinking a beer, watching a little TV, and resting my weary bones.

I let the behemoth mutt-dog out to do his business. His pen is in the backyard, and 9,999 times out of 10,000, he just runs to his pen, I close the door, that’s that.

This was that one other time.

Somehow, in the 1 a.m. darkness, he spies a skunk in the neighboring vacant lot. He makes a beeline. He takes a direct hit to the face. He stinks. A lot.

I, of course, don’t have any hydrogen peroxide, to make the Magic Skunk Elixir. And here in Bumblefuck, Michigan, the 24-hour supermarket decided recently to start closing at 11 p.m. There aren’t even 24-hour gas stations here.

I gave him a bath, and used the smelliest, perfumiest shampoo I could find in the house. It helped a little. He didn’t like his bath at all. And I’m glad.

This was not what I wanted to do when I got home tonight.

Stinky is laying next to me right now, looking morose and smelling like Clairol Herbal Essenses honeysuckle, jasmine and skunk funk.

Bad dog, Thor!
That was bad!
Bad, bad dog!

2

Do you have any tomato products? Anything at all? A dog-owning friend of mine once bathed her dog in canned diced tomatoes after a late-night Skunk Encounter. It doesn’t work as well as Magic Skunk Elixer, but it does help more than shampoo.

But, um, Milo? Shouldn’t you be flaming the skunk? I mean, after all, the SKUNK was the one that sprayed Thor. Thor just wanted to see what that Little Strange Creature was.

[sub]Good boy, Thor. Milo’s just mad 'cause you made a new friend and he didn’t.;)[/sub]

3

How many times does your damn dog have to get sprayed by a skunk before he learns to leave skunks alone? Doesn’t this happen once a year or so?

Sorry, what a sucky night you must have had.

4

I wanna know what the fuck a single guy like you is doing with Herbal Essences Lavender Honeysuckle Rosewater Perfumania shampoo in your house.

5

  1. YOUR PUP IS SWEET! I love Thor, and his casual, laid back attitude to being your pet. Sweet li’l pup. Don’t you dare yell at him. :: lets Thor kiss her on the mouth ::

  2. Go Blackhawks (I know, this has nothing to do with the post)

  3. I want to feel your legs sometime. I bet they’re rock hard. When you gonna be in town next?

jarbaby

6

whatever you do, don’t tie him to the train tracks, douse him in gas and flame him that way!

7

I’m a little more concerned about that bottle of Massingill I spied in his medicine chest.

8

magdalene - You are correct. This is, I believe, the third time in Thor’s illustrious career that he has tried to make a buddy with a skunk. The second time in two years.

Hrmmm … now that I think about it, maybe I should just start taking him out to his pen on a leash. How did this become my fault, dammit?

It would be nice if he would begin to think, “Small, black-and-white furry animal = unpleasant smell, unpleasant bath, unpleasant owner.”

Cranky - Isn’t it obvious how in touch with my feminine side I am?

jbj - 1. Yeah, he is generally awesome. Don’t let him know I told you that at the moment, though. I’m trying to be mad.
2. Oh please.
3. Oh my! Oh Kay!

gato - He’s half Great Dane, half Pit Bull. You try it, and see what happens. heh-heh

beagledave - Funny you should mention that. Searching frantically on-line for remedies that don’t involve hydrogen peroxide, I found a few sites that said douches work!