Get a friend, or two, to stay at your place, for a week.
Extra eyes.
Yes?
Captain Google strikes again.
Just FYI, neutron star, my son had a checkbook stolen last March (carjacking) and the bank eventually reversed all the check amounts, bounce fees, etc. in the account. It did take a little while (about 6 weeks) but that’s because the perp wrote checks all over central Mississippi and they took a while to come in. Son had to go sign an affadavit or two at the bank, but that was it. Since your bank knows who the perp is, I think they will have an interest in his prosecution.
Good thing too. That urban legend looks like it could kill someone.
Does it really matter who busts your bullshit?
Bullshit? It’s clearly a widespread urban legend. Sue me for not researching it, dick.
Besides, if the OP did it to his roommate and something bad happened, would a reasonable defense be, “Well, DudleyGarrett on the Straight Dope Message Board told me it was OK.”?
You need to do research to figure out that poisoning people is a bad idea?
Hey, if you’re OK with the lowest common denominator for your information, knock yourself out. What should Q.E.D. do, give it a pass because you’d rather post crap than take the time to see if you actually have a clue what you’re talking about?
What the fuck has that to do with anything? Should all non-actionable bullshit be treated as gospel? Did you in fact say that it was OK? Where?
I had my checkbook stolen by my neighbor although it only took a couple of weeks for the bank to reverse the charges and clear everything up. Luckliy, the guy was using my checks only to order pizza every night from the same restaurant, and the cops arrested him as he was getting his 6th pizza delivered.
Now he’s in prison because, according to the online court records, this was his fifth offense for forgery. I wonder whether his previous crimes also involved pizza?
I wonder why the teller said there was no chance you’d get the money back.
FWIW, I’d like to say that it’s possible that neutron star may well be liable for the full value of the fraudulent checks.
AIUI the Federal protections for fraud and identidy theft are focused on credit cards, and debit cards with credit card agreements. Checks are still being treated on an individual state basis. ETA: And because of that protections and rights for consumers or fraud victims are lagging behind the standards that credit cards have to live up to.
Now, what neutron star might be able to do is claim to the fraud guy that he feels that the discrepancy between the signature on file, and the signature on the fraudulent checks, is enough different that a properly attentive cashier should have raised a flag on them - which would be an actionable matter in a civil suit. I’d hope that the bank is classy enough to take the hit themselves, but if not, I think neutron star should at least float that balloon: “If you do restore my funds, I won’t sue your bank, nor will I make your negligence a matter of the public record.” IANAL, but I suspect that the bank would find defending itself against such claims would be more expensive than restoring the $700 that Dave stole.
BTW, neutron star, I want to join the others in the thread who have commended you for trying to sit on your spite for the next couple of days. I can only imagine how hard it is. Keep up the good work.
For everyone who is suggesting revenge ploys: seriously consider the possibilty that doping food substances can be prosecuted as assault. It would be much less dangerous, and almost as enjoyable to simply duct tape Dave into the bathroom the next time he takes a shower or a dump. 
That’s kidnapping.
nit nit nit…
Man, if I was the OP and wasn’t broke, I’d be out buying garbage bags, a reciprocating saw, a shovel, a tankful of gas…
Translation: “I’m a fucking moron, but instead of wiping the drool off my chin and admitting I fucked up, I will attack the guy who’s actually right. Because in my tiny brain, it’s not really important to be accurate, even when posting on a message board whose stated purpose is to fight ignorance.”
If you do not sign your check, it is not valid and you have no responsibility.
See United States, Article 3 and Article 4 of the Uniform Commercial Code
Our SDMB legal beagles likely have far better cites.
And, sorry dudes, Sapo’s offense was so subtle (If he meant it at all) that it hardly merits such a hijack.
Close. It’s false imprisonment. And maybe intentional infliction of emotional distress, depending on how he reacts.
Roger that.
To me it was a running joke just like the ladle thing, the stick figure drawings, The I-am-dying bit ,and the Google thing that has already appeared on this same thread (in most unfortunate manner). Since those normally pass unmoderated, I thought we were cool with them. If Otto is a special case that cannot be mentioned, then fine. I will not mention him again. No big loss.
ETA: And of all places for this joke, this thread was the obvious place. Hardly a hijack, IMHO.
My sincerest apologies to the afflicted. And additional apologies for the hijack
FWIW, I worked as a bank teller as a teenager, and was defrauded on one of my very first days. The guy got all his money back immediately.
Generally, if someone walked into the bank with an on-us check, it would be processed as a withdrawal. If they were cashing their own check, we required all the normal ID procedures as we’d have if they were using a withdrawal slip. If someone came in with an on-us check for someone else, our security procedures were pretty stringent. We required an ID check and a finger print on the face of the check.
My situation wasn’t with a check, but rather with a withdrawal slip; but they would have been treated in exactly the same way.
The time I was was “frauded,” a chap walked into the branch with a passbook. (The bank where I worked is the only one I know that still uses passbooks.) There was perhaps $3k in the book. He filled out a withdrawal slip for $1100, and signed it. This being pretty early in my illustrious banking career, the various ID requirements weren’t perfectly straight in my head. He didn’t have an ID, so I asked him for his mother’s maiden name and birthplace, which is the procedure for giving personal information over the phone. I figured that since he already had the passbook, he wasn’t much of a security risk. He gave the answers correctly, and I noted his answers on the slip. I figured it was unnecessary to pull his signature card: he had the passbook AND he answered the security questions correctly. He got his cash in big bills.
About half an hour later, an agitated fellow came in and insisted that his money had been stolen. It turns out that his brother had been at his house, and the passbook had been sitting out on a table. The brother had snatched it and come directly to the bank. Being brothers, of course, their mother’s maiden name and birthplace weren’t hard to come up with.
My manager pulled his signature card from our files and compared it with the signature on the withdrawal slip. Not even in the same language. (These guys were Indian. The “real” signature was in some Hindi script, and the brother had signed in English.) My manager asked him if he’d press charges, and when he enthusiastically agreed, she immediately credited money back into the guy’s account – more as a sign of good faith than anything else, and called the police.
Failing to check a signature when the sig cards are 10 feet away is 100% the bank’s fault. My manager was not pleased with me, but acknowledged that I hadn’t been properly trained in identification protocols.
For “small” amounts - under $5k or so, the bank should eat it without batting an eye. It should be their responsibility to go after the forger, and for such piddling amounts, they might not even bother.