Idioms relating to things impossible, inadvisable or otherwise to be avoided.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

I got a friend who can do that. She’s real popular.

62

I disagree. This thread is SOARING! If anything, we’re rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

(I’m channeling Stephen Colbert)

63

QUOTE]LurkMeister: “You can’t put the toothpaste back in tube.”
[/QUOTE]

Actually, Sir/Madam, my daughter can (or at least could when she was seven). Darndest thing…

Love, Phil

64

Unlike my uncle, who in his will insisted that probate be entirely settled before his funeral.

He put the court before the hearse.

That was bad, but no harder than pushing a '55 Dodge across a gravel parking lot with flat tires.

65

I hate to be a bull in a china shop, but most of these seem as useful a tits on a bull.

Sorry if that comes across like a bull at a gate.

66

This thread is getting comprehensive. Trying to think of fresh aphorisms is like hunting for rocking horse shit.

67

[Queens Of The Stone Age] **You won’t get no glory on that side of the hole ** [/QOTSA]
It’s a lost cause, a toss-up, a crapshoot. A cat’s game. Like finding a needle in a haystack. Because you can’t get there from here. It’s a Sisyphean task. One step forward, two steps back.
Gaaaah! More aphorisms!

68

This thread is a fucked up as a football bat.
Seriously, we, as Posters to this thread, are a soup sandwich.
I think at best we are pissing on the third rail.
SSG Schwartz

69

I hate to tell you this, but selling ice to Eskimos, at least in Alaska, is extremely easy: just wrap it in a highball glass full of Everclear.

70

This thread is as useful as tits on a bull or shoving shit up hill. To try and contribute in any meaningful way I may as well fly to the moon or…(what’s good for the goose is good for the gander) take a flying fuck.

Just remember any problem can be solved with number 8 fencing wire (well for Kiwi’s anyway) .

71

Thanks for all the contributions so far. I can now reveal the purpose of the thread: I’m opening a new section at my website, called ‘contrarious’, wherein I will practice the impracticable - Starting by making a mountain out of a molehill

For obvious reasons, not all of the suggestions in this thread will be able to find a place there (although they are most welcome in this thread nonetheless) - for example, I realise there are parts of the internet where it would be considered highly entertaining if I poked myself in the eye with a sharp stick, but I won’t be doing it.

72

Also, I shall be watching grass grow.

73

Replying here is about as much fun as ballroom dancing in a live minefield.

Tripler
That’s all I got.

74

I wouldn’t do that for all the green tea in China.

75

Just bumping this thread because of an exciting development. The grass is actually starting to grow!

http://www.atomicshrimp.com/st/content/watching_grass_grow

One unforeseen complication though - I’m using standard budgie mix as my seed here - and the first few emerging seedlings are clearly not monocotyledons - it now occurs to me that I might be growing grass and… well… the other kind of ‘grass’. Which, if true, probably isn’t the ideal thing to advertise to the world on a webcam. :smack:

76

I’ve bookmarked it. I needed a new interest.

I checked my pack of budgie mix (making Brian raise his hopes in vain - hah!)
You may have a fine crop of oats, porridge at your place, then?

77

I’ll check the page once in a blue moon.

78

There were certainly some oat groats in there - they’re the elongated ones (and the budgie’s favourite - he is able to split them open and quite dextrously turn them and scrape away the insides using only his beak and tongue.

No, what I’m slightly worried about is hemp seeds - although I think they are a fair bit bigger than millet and greyish - I don’t recall seeing them in the mix.

79

I think commercial hemp seeds are sterilized, at least in the US anyway.

I would have mentioned it earlier but lately I’ve been busier than a one armed wall paper hanger with crabs trying to get our A/C fixed. I think it’s done now which is a good thing 'cause it’s been hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock around here.

(very much looking forward to the new addition to your web site)

80

Those are Brian’s favourite’s too. He stuffs his cheeks with them and then flies to the top of the kitchen curtains for a feast. Both cooking and dishes now require a preliminary sweep and disinfect of the benchtop since seeds in = crap out.

Hemp seeds are pretty. From what I’ve been told, they are about twice the size of millet seed, fatter, rounder and anything from pale green or grey to dark brown. Size could vary, I suppose.