But evil is so much fun! And if we can’t trust you with power tools, how about a scraper and a paintbrush? My old Tennessee farmhouse needs repainting, too.
StG
S’alright. I’ve decided to (a) salute your google-fu, and (b) learn how to spell “Friedman.” But if “anxiety meds” is code for “Glenfiddich,” you can atone for your misdeed by sharing. 
msmith537 You are mistaken. What you are describing (e.g. job dissatisfaction) is normal, and when handled normally, no big deal.
If you cannot HANDLE the loss of your job, if you do not have the coping skills, or your ways of handling stress are harmful to you (alcoholism) or others (verbal or physical abuse), then no amount of medication will fix that WITHOUT a professional there to help.
It is your prerogative to believe it or not. I’m the recipient of that help and I can tell you, without a disinterested third person there to assist, I would not have gotten better.
I saw the same thing happen with my wife, to the same end. The medication was taking the edge off, but she wasn’t getting BETTER until she learned how to cope, and it wasn’t anything I could teach her as I was too close to the situation.
I hope I’m not blowing it out of proportion, but I find your glib statement to be horribly misinformed, and on this topic, that could cause harm to those that read the thread and take your advice to heart.
This is a complex question for which I can only provide personal experience. I’ve been in and out of therapy for about eight years and this Saturday I am going to start up again. He’ll be my sixth (first dude, though.) I have Complex-PTSD. I was diagnosed at age 18. This disorder is typically very resistant to treatment. For me, anyways, it seems to be a chronic condition I may always have to cope with on some level.
Over the last 8 years I have done talk therapy, I have done Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Behavioral-Activation, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, and even psychodrama group therapy. In between all that there was a litany of medications. I tried everything I could get my hands on because I have been determined from the beginning to find my way around this. I have benefited in some way from every therapist I’ve ever had, but there seems to arrive a point when it’s time to move on, to look at my life and my mind through fresh eyes, to learn different tools and gain new perspectives. As such, I describe myself as a ‘‘therapist’s dream.’’ I am highly motivated, very self-aware, and willing to make lifestyle changes.
I have had imperfect experiences as a person in mental health treatment. My first five years of therapy (all psychodynamic) were rather agonizing in that not much progress was made externally. I was devoting my life to it and not seeing much movement forward. I was still having major depressive episodes lasting months, with maybe 2-3 weeks respite. I was too anxious to attend school, I ended up hospitalized, I was losing my grip on reality and I wanted to die all the time. It wasn’t good.
I have given a great deal of thought to why I didn’t improve, and it wasn’t the method per se, so much as the wrong time to implement that method. To get me to talk about my trauma at age 18, when psychologically I was still in the middle of it, was like trying to staunch the blood flow when you still have a knife sticking out of your chest. I was emotionally a child and I wasn’t ready to hear about what it takes to become an adult. I still had dependent relationships on people who had abused me. I had to get the knife out, and that’s something no therapist could have ever taught me.
It wasn’t a therapist who brought me my epiphany, it was a book: Albert Ellis’ Guide to Rational Living. Ellis is one of the founding fathers of cognitive therapy. Ellis does not pat you on the back and tell you he’s sorry you had a rough life. Ellis will kick your ass all over the floor. He is the god of tough love, and his work had a tremendous impact on my psychological health. Hard on the heels of this was a workbook called Overcoming Depression One Step At a Time, which is a behavioral-activation approach. The improvement was immediate and noticeable. My husband, who is a hardcore evidence-based student of clinical psychology, begged me to try CBT. He even said he would pay for it.
When I went to my talk therapist and said, ‘‘I want to do CBT,’’ she balked. ‘‘Complex-PTSD is really too complicated for CBT. CBT is usually very concrete and goal-oriented, and focuses on one issue at a time.’’ And what’s so bad about that? We talked, and it became evident that for the last couple of months I had essentially been doing CBT on my own, and was improving because of it. She accepted my decision, with reservation, and I switched over to a CBT therapist. I only saw that therapist for a brief time, and we only worked on one thing: my fear of heights! But my paradigm was forever changed. I had learned so much about approaching other problems the same way. When I left her, I felt good enough to stand up on my own two feet. I felt that I didn’t NEED therapy the way I had when I’d started. I now had in my possession all these tools to help me deal with life moving forward.
I went on that way until things got difficult again, then resumed with a therapist who did EMDR. I took what I could from that but our time was brief because I moved out of state. Six relatively happy months passed.
Now the quality of my life has slipped again. I’m doing just fine functioning, I’m not suicidal or anything like that, but I find myself seized by very strong emotions like grief and anger. I have been thinking a lot about the past lately, in particular my family. I have been to enough therapists and experimented with enough treatments to know that what I need is psychodynamic therapy integrated with CBT. When I was 18, I was still a child emotionally. Now I am an adult and I’m ready to face the feelings I denied then. It’s time for me to really grieve, in a safe environment that doesn’t spill over into my current life. I need to find a balance between fixating on the past and declaring it irrelevant. I couldn’t tell you what I am going to learn this time around, but I promise it will be something new.
So eight years of therapy, and most of the first four years feel like a waste. It’s been steady improvement ever since I became brave enough to say to my therapist, ‘‘This isn’t working. CBT now!’’ I’m a happy person, and I couldn’t have said that even three years ago. I don’t even recognize the person I was three years ago. When I finally came in out of the darkness I experienced profound shock that I had been that weird, messed-up person for so long. Looking back I almost feel like it was someone else inhabiting my skin.
I am no longer dependent on therapy, I just prefer life with it. Dealing with trauma can be a lifetime experience for some people, like any other chronic illness I have accepted this is just a part of my life. Its importance to my psychological health ebbs and flows, my understanding of it is constantly evolving, and I need to always be willing to let my treatment evolve with it. My biggest mistake in early therapy was accepting stagnation. I strongly suggest that people in need of mental health treatment do not hesitate to make their needs clear and move on when they feel it’s necessary.
Heartily seconded. I’m another who choose to have therapy and my life is very clearly divided in to pre-therapy and post-therapy as a result. To put it mildly I’m a lot happier post-therapy than I was pre-.
How long have you been going?
I think that many people waste time in therapy or with the wrong therapist (or both). It’s not to say it doesn’t have some value, but if you don’t progress, what’s the point? Find someone or something new and give it a go.
I’m a member of a childhood sexual abuse forum - it’s surprising to me that people will post there about going to a therapist and NOT telling them what’s really been troubling them. Of course there are trust issues, but how will you ever deal with it if you don’t open up to the therapist? Spill the beans! All of them. Some posters think they will shock the therapist, but if the therapist is properly trained they will already have guessed and can only encourage you to come back until finally you open up.
Oh, no. Jackson.
That just seems wrong.
I think sometimes people don’t really know what it is that’s bothering them. Things that they think had no real impact on their life turn out to be a bigger issue than they knew.
Very true, but what about when you DO know, but won’t tell the therapist that you’re seeing year after year - it’s all part of a cycle I guess.
The very first one I went to, over 20 years ago, did NOTHING for me. I was in a world of hurt, had no idea how to open up or even speak about what I was feeling and the dumb bastard came across as uncaring and aloof. He made no effort to get me to talk, and in fact, made me feel like he held me in contempt because I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
Put me off therapy for many years after that one. And was one of the big reasons for my axium about professionals, which I’ve quoted on this board many times.
I’ve had very positive experiences with CBT - cognitive behavior therapy - over the years. I come and go when I want to. The way it was explained to me, it’s an educational system, so you can always get better. So if a professional athlete can learn from a coach I can learn from a therapist. I’m OK with that.
It comes down to a cost/benefit analysis. If you have the time and money and you’re getting what you want it could be well worth it. For me it’s usually been worth the cost, and then some. And when it wasn’t worth it, it was almost worth it, so that was OK.
Getting back to the OP, I could see how a therapist might say you either have to start bringing in an agenda or you’re out of here. But I have a tough time with someone saying there’s some time limit for therapy any more than there could be a time limit on violin lessons.
For some people, the role of therapy isn’t to make them better but to keep them from deteriorating. Usually these are people who are so foregone that they really can’t get better. For instance, a therapist can’t help someone from hearing voices or believing in delusions. But they can serve as an auxillary ego–a voice of reason–who can keep that person grounded in reality. Friends and family of course can do this, but if a person doesn’t have friends and family–or their friends and family are easily exhausted by craziness–then a therapist can really save the day.
If a person isn’t getting anything out of therapy, then they should stop. If they know what their problems are and how to fix them and just aren’t being honest with themselves, maybe they should reconsider therapy. But I don’t think improvement is necessarily the endpoint for everyone. There’s nothing wrong with being in a holding pattern indefinitely if the alternative is being hospitalized or death.
I’ve only been in therapy once. I have to admit…once I made that initial appointment, I thought, “Wow, how cool is it to get to come here once a week and unload to a professional.”
My therapist from the FIRST minute let me know that the goal was to get me out of therapy.
I only went for about six weeks.
And I never had to go back.
I’ve no opinion on the OP. But I wanted to share my extremely positive experience.
If that’s all you need, find a confessor: they work for free.
That’s not what is being said - you’re not told you’ve got 10 weeks to improve and then you’re out the door, so you better well shape up. A good therapist will identify when you’ve reached the point where you can start to cope on your own, for you that might take six weeks, for me it might take 20. I was in therapy once a week for 18 months, and in fact I probably stopped my sessions a little sooner than I should have done. That doesn’t mean everyone should be in therapy for 18 months though.
Aren’t you supposed to pay in guilt/hail Marys? 
Not always, no. There was a reason why, when we had pre-Easter collective confession in school, lines for Father Mendiburu were always a lot longer than for most priests and a couple of them got almost nobody: he was a total sweetheart, listened, gave you advice, believed you and left you feeling repentant and good at the same time. The dudes with the short lines would have left Our Lady feeling like a drunken slut on the morning after…
And that axiom is?