If Catholic priests were like rabid football fans, they’d be lining up in droves at Modell’s to purchase officially licensed replicas of the Pope’s snazzy new chasuble.
Only, that is, if he wasn’t going free agent at the end of the season.
Me? I’d go with a throw-back Paul the Sixth.
I’m picturing a group of eight shirtless priests (but still wearing collars), each with a letter in B-E-N-E-D-I-C-T painted on their chest.
In the mancave, I’m imagining prayer benches in front of the recliners for HD Mass. Plus, there’d be a big bowl of Communion-Os on the coffee table.
Once, at a football game, the conversation turned to religion. A Catholic friend of mine offered this description of a Catholic service:
“Pray to the left! Pray to the right!
Stand up! Sit down! Fight, fight, fight!”
I’m suddenly having visions of the Dallas cheerleaders, in nuns’ habits.
Am I a bad person?
The entire crowd would be holding those “John 3:16” signs.
All the calls to the talk radio guys would be from priests tailgating in the Vatican parking lot, and they’d all be begging God to fire this Pope, and pay however much it costs to bring in whatever Cardinal is currently getting having the most success in the College ranks.
Cardinal Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Barcelona Dragon inquisition! *
Our chief weapon is the Hail Mary …Hail Mary and the Two-Point Conversion … Two-Point Conversion and Hail Mary…
Our two weapons are the Two-Point Conversion and the Hail Mary… and an Immaculate Reception!..
Our three weapons are the Two-Point Conversion, the Hail Mary, and an Immaculate Reception!.. and a fanatical devotion to the Pope…
Our four… no…
Amongst our weapons… Amongst our weaponry… are such elements as Two-Point Conversions, the Hail Mary…
I’ll come in again.
(Exits)
Orders of the Catholic Priesthood Draft day at the seminary is coming up, too. It should again prove exciting this year.
The Franciscans, owing to the fact that they’ve been hampered by a incarnational offence which had them finishing last year in the cellar, have first pick. This year’s class of transitional deacons has been compared to the class of 1946, which produced such luminaries as Brother Xavier of Brooklyn (World duration record holder for 18 straight days of hearing confession) and eventual Hall of Famer Karol “Jay-Pee Two” Wojtyla. Catholic Digest has rated this class the most heterosexually celibate since 1973.
Debate rages as to whether the Franciscan’s will trade their first round, fist overall pick to the Jesuits for the Jesuit’s 2nd round choice, 34 overall, and a year’s use of the Cathedral at Notre Dame University.
BTW, EWTN will be carrying the the three-day draft live from the Sistine Chapel. Mother Angelica will be hosting.
Not the first to have had that thought:
We used to imagine Catholic Olympic events during the long boring Masses of my childhood. Of course the ushers would compete in who could shove the long-handled baskets into the pews the quickest. Altar boys would have candle-lighting and -snuffing competitions. How many communicants can a Eucharistic Minister handle during one hymn? Who’s the genuflecting champion of St. John’s??
Yes we were a reverent lot. 
Let’s not forget “number of prayer cards collected during a parochial school year.”
Well, except for one guy in the end-zone seats, of course…