If I didn't know any better, I'd think I were pregnant: A Sandwich Odyssey

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As a college student, my culinary options are rather limited. My mom occasionally makes me some pimento and cheese spread to break up the tedium of endless pb&j or roast beef sandwiches. A few months ago, she was trying out new recipes and made a pimento and cheese with peanuts in it. At first, I thought it was strange, but by the time I finished the jar, I was addicted. This week came another jar of pimento and cheese, but it’s a bit too mayonnaisey for my taste (I hate mayonnaise) and is disappointing after the amazing peanutty one she made a few months ago. So today I decided to make my own type of sandwich:

  1. Take two slices of white bread: the more processed, the better (I used Bunny Bread).
  2. Slather disappointing yet adequate pimento and cheese spread on one piece of bread.
  3. Slather delicious Skippy Superchunk peanut butter* on the other slice of bread.
  4. Hmmm, you need to add veggies in there somewhere if you’re going to make a healthy sandwich. No, not the half-empty can of asparagus from yesterday, though it is tempting. Use several pieces of lettuce instead.
  5. Place the lettuce between the two slices of bread and enjoy!

Yes, it tastes exactly like it sounds: pretty darn good! As to whether I’ll be trying it again, I haven’t yet decided.
*This is the ambrosia of the gods. Accept no substitutes.

2

Well, this thread wasn’t quite what I expected. I expected something more like this:

I like really thick, really spicy chili. I load it with as many different peppers as I can find (jarred, dried and fresh–from green bells to habaneros on the heat spectrum, and usually half a dozen spots between), as well as a good dose of rice and barley to really thicken it up (it’s the starch, y’know). It usually comes out rather like Skippy Superchunk peanut butter in consistency, and the leftovers have virtually no liquid left: perfect for taco or burrito filling.

One night, late, looking for food, I found I didn’t quite have enough chili left for a good meal, but I was out of tortillas. What I did have was eggs.

So, whisk up three in a bowl, and dump them into a skillet to make an omelette/pancake thing. Slide it onto a plate, add the chili, some shredded cheddar, and some chopped raw onions. Roll it up, top with picante salsa, and microwave to heat everything up and melt the cheese.

Fantastic. One of the best things I’d ever concocted at the spur of the moment. Went to bed happy and full of stomach.

Woke up several hours later, feeling like I was giving birth (see? the pregnancy part!). I don’t think my innards have ever hurt so bad. It was brutal. Peeled the paint off the walls, and pitted the porcelain of the toilet.

Repeatedly.

Eggs, beans, hot peppers, and half-raw onions are evidently not a good idea when taken simultaneously.

Never again. I don’t care how good it tasted.