If I wanted a fucking parrot, I'd buy one.

The BBQ Pit
1

Situation: common room at work, where we gather to eat lunch/drink coffee/relax on breaks. The television is on, as always, tuned to a news channel, also as always.

Weather guy on screen: Forecast, ending with “So, drizzly today, tomorrow and the day after, all the way into the weekend.”

Wanna-be-announcer-coworker: It’s going to rain today and tomorrow and Friday.

Newsie on screen: Story about shutting down various roadways during Democratic convention this summer, including I95 both ways and the North station on the subway.

Wanna-be-announcer-coworker: We won’t be able to use North station during the convention. And I95 will be closed.

Consumer Newsie on screen: story about how many zillion calories there are in fast food lunches.

Wanna-be-announcer-coworker: If you eat fast food lunches you get more calories than you need.

And on. And on. And on. All delivered in this “I have important news you don’t have, let me enlighten you” tone of voice.
WHY? WHY? WHY? Why must you do this?

It’s not like you’re adding anything to the story we all just saw. You’re not interpreting it, not expanding on it, not adding a personal annecdote or even your own emotional reaction to the news. You’re just repeating the exact same info to someone you KNOW was sitting right beside you while you heard the information.

All you are doing is recapping what the television news people just said. Right? What they JUST SAID. What you AND I JUST HEARD THEM SAY. Right??? What, you think I am somehow so mentally impaired that I was not able to take in their words the way you just did? Do you think I have this selective hearing ability where I can hear YOUR voice but not the ones from the TV?

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PROVIDING A SERVICE? Some peculiar form of ‘audio captioning’ for the hearing?

Stop it! Just fucking stop it already.

2

You work with Gwen DeMarco?

3

Look, she has one job to do, and it’s stupid, but she’s gonna do it, OK?!

4

You may think it’s stupid, but it’s the only job she has, OK? Geez, give it a rest already.

5

You have a television in your breakroom?

6

[bad dub]GMRyujin, I see your Witty-Response-Fu is faster than mine. Damn you! Damn you to all Ten Hells! Strikes elaborate pose, escapes.[/bad dub]

7

So you’re saying that you have a co-worker that repeats everything he hears on the TV and this bothers you?

8

Remember that Star Trek episode where a communication came in an everybody fell over each other offering to translate it. Spock offered to translate it from Vulcan, Sulu from Swahili, and Owes from Arabic. Turned out everyone just preceived hearing it in their own tongue.

Same this here, except you coworker is under the impression he’s translating it from elvish into English.

9

[Also Badly Dubbed]Ha ha ha! My Sarcastic Internet Fatass style defeats yet another foe! You will never defeat me as my powers grow daily! Haw haw! also strikes elaborate pose[/Also Badly Dubbed]

10

overlyverbose
My co-workers are wondering why I’m laughing hysterically right now…

11

I’m sorry - I hadn’t had my coffee yet when I made that comment. I’m going to toddle off and toss back another few cups just in case.

12

P.S. I’m glad I could give you a laugh, even if it was at my own expense.

P.P.S. My lack of caffeine seems to explain a lot of other comments I made this morning, including that comment I made about my fiance not forgetting to walk the parrot on his way out, or at least that’s what he told me I said. We don’t have a parrot. And I only vaguely remember saying that. Caffeine is a powerful thing.

13

Now, if he repeated the news stories in a much louder voice, that would be useful.

“OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, GENERALASIMO FRANCHESCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD!!”

14

I think I saw a movie in front of your co-worker. The guy kept up a constant monologue about everything said or done on the screen. At first I thought he was interpreting it for a blind buddy, but I could not understand while he was doing all the dialogue, too. Then I looked back at him and realized he was closed-captioned for the thinking impaired. I had to leave the theatre. I do like parrots, and I have bought some. They are WAY more entertaining then this guy, and have better movie manners. Except for the green parrot, he has a tendancy to smack people on the head during Merchant Ivory films.

15

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

16

Which is why I turned off TV forever back in 1998.

I see it’s gotten worse since then.

17

I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.
I must not be a geek.

Damn it.

18

Heh, you noticed that too?

Some people have an intense need to talk. They don’t care what about. As long as they can hear the sound of their voice, they’re happy.

It’s darned annoying.

19

I had both Uhura and Sulu there, but had great uncertainty about the spelling of Uhura and the native language of Sulu or even if I had the right characters. It’s been twenty years or so… In the paroxysm of editing that followed, I convinced myself her name was actually Sulu. Curses.

Sigh…the wages of being a smartass.

Oh and Tikki, Pot meet Kettle.

20

Not at all, it’s just that as I read it, I actually heard “you” saying it (disclaimer: I have no idea what you sound like or if you’re male or female, but it wasn’t my voice, so it must have been yours). I also heard the follow-up “How come we don’t get a TV in the breakroom?”
The end result was me cracking up.