Nostradamus: What’s a big unpleasant magic stick? Where can I get one? Or see one, at least?
Nerv: Yes, you shall know me by the trail of corpses. After I went out with my first boyfriend (who, I later found out was really my sister’s boyfriend but that’s another story) my father died of cancer. He only took 4 months to do it and, strangely, when I visited him in hospital he never looked healthier. Then my grandfather died, very quickly and he looked healthy too. I worked with an Irish guy for 15 years. When he went back to Ireland to visit there was a serious bombing in the place he stayed. There never had been one there before. My brother rented our garage out to two guys so they could build surfboards. They were at our house for ages. One weekend they went to another city and there was a mass murder there. I went for a walk before dawn to the beach once. A fine, upstanding member of the community who lived in a house I passed on the way stabbed his sister-in-law 34 times later that day. And I really like that hairstyle Patricia Arquette had in Stigmata. I want my hair just like that.
You can’t possibly be the anti-christ. I have it on good authority that Mickey Mouse is the anti-christ and though I’m not an authority on the subject, I don’t think there can be two.
Maybe you’re possessed with a whole lot of demons and wherever you go, they just jump off on other people. Not me though, because I’m protected by the blood of the Lamb.
Well… I think you get to look like a leopard, only scarlet coloured, and with feet like those of a bear, and a mouth like that of a lion… (as opposed I guess to a mouth like a leopard) … with seven heads and ten horns (not sure how the distribution of those works) …and with ten crowns, one on each horn… (so that could be worthwhile; if they’re good crowns with jewels and stuff).
And, your heads all have blasphemous names… and one of the heads seems to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. (which is good… I mean otherwise how would that work… six live heads and one dead one that you’d have to drag around all over the place…) …and you’ll get given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation… (which is a pretty big accoutrement if you ask me) … and a prostitute dressed in purple and scarlet… (which I guess you can take or leave) …and finally I think you might get to be thrown alive into a fiery lake of burning sulfur. (Which is not really the sort of golden handshake I’d want in an employment contract… you might want to consider re-negotiation). :eek:
Although I feel myself sinking deeper into the mire of occultism (someone else once said that but I can’t remember who) I know what I must do. I must send one of the Taleban a gift. Does anyone know where I might obtain the address of one genuine Taleban? If there are forces in the world dead set against me giving things to men there’s every chance Afghanistan could lose a mosque or two.
I always wondered about my parents, but you’ve given me a whole new can o’ worms (and my very own electric can opener [sub]not that the can is electric, but the can opener is, which makes it very hard to use[/sub]) to open. Perhaps the Antichrist - sorry, that should be Antichrist :o - has various different avatars on earth. My parents being a couple of them, working in tandem.
Facts:
[ol]
[li]Parents visit Tienamen square a year before the massacre.[/li][li]Parents visit Luxor, Egypt a month before the shootings[/li][li]Parents visit an oasis in Kenya a couple of weeks before a party of tourists are shot.[/li][li]Dad visits Caribbean just before a hurricane (Ok, not an unusual occurance - perhaps he was feeling under the weather… :)[/li][li]Parents visit New York this February.[/li][/ol]
There’s one place they’ve been on holiday to recently which I haven’t heard of any bad things happening at, but I reckon it’s only a matter of time. So if anyone hears of nasty stuff[sup]TM[/sup] in Peru don’t say I didn’t warn you [sub]even though I didn’t actually[/sub].
I reckon that if you are the Anti…ahemAntichrist, G. Nome then you should be able to jump any queues[sup]and tall buildings in a single bound[/sup] and borrow stuff off your neighbours indefinitely. After all, what are they going to do?
“I’m sorry, dear, the Antichrist’s borrowed our kids for a black sabbath.”
“What, again!? - honestly Jerry, couldn’t you have refused him this time.”
“Honey, he is the Devil incarnate. It’s not as if I could say ‘Sorry Mr Morningstar, I’m afraid I don’t subscribe to the same ethical system as you, and my religious beliefs won’t allow my children to participate in any satanic worshipping. I will have to ask you to return them and the lawnmower which, incidentally, you’ve had since that incident last year with Mr Tiddles and the Vicar’s pet rabbit.’ I mean, he’s not going to just say ‘That’s okay, I can always use some 100%-quorn-virgins as sacrifices’ is he?”
PT: The Anti Christ burden is not mine alone to share! I feel like a whole new person! Maybe I could find one with free will this time, I don’t know. I have to ask though: how do your parents feel about Benny Hinn? Cap’n Yoaz rightly sees an Anti Christ as one who has “been freaked out by churches and Christian symbols/icons.” Benny’s hair scares the hell out of me, I’ll tell you that now. More importantly though, do people willingly accept gifts from your parents? Have your parents tried sending things to people in other countries? Kenya? Somalia? Chernobyl maybe? That’s the real test for me. I’m trying to find an address in Afghanistan to send a gift so I went to afghandaily.com. That site showed me, however, that the situation is more complicated than I imagined. I think it’s true that the Taliban needs to be taken out with surgical precision. I don’t think I’ll let that stop me though. If I can find an address they’ll hear from me soon.
I’m glad you’re heartened by the proof that you are not alone. As far as I can tell my parents strongly disapprove of old Bin Liner, in the “no you can’t go around to his place, even if Nigel’s parents have let him go - I don’t want you seeing that boy again, he’s not a nice lad.” sort of way[sup]perhaps even more disapproving than that[/sup].
This does sort of put a small hole in my theory, but I’m not going to let that dissuade me from my belief - I reckon that the Antichrist is just jealous of him, and thus hates him. After all, envy is one of the sins. Whereas forgetting a relatives birthday isn’t[sub]despite what my Dad says[/sub].
If it’s any help my Dad doesn’t go to church, except at Christmas. And both my parents are clean-shaven. Unlike Osama! Wow, the conspiracy gets deeper by the minute!!
As for your question about them sending things to other countries they do email people in other countries, but I’ve never seen them sending parcels to suspiciously-disaster-stricken-a-few-days/months-later countries. Doesn’t mean they haven’t.
I agree that a surgical postcard needs to be sent directly to OBL, rather than just chainlettering Afghanistan. After all, as has been pointed out there are lots of innocent people there.
Just out of curiousity, what would your letter to Osama say?
Shave your head, and if you have a 666 on your scalp, you are the anti-Christ. I shaved my head and only had a 665. Man, just think- I was off by one lousy number.
I just posted a gift to a man in Afghanistan. So there you go. I took the only complete address I could find from a quick Internet search and sent a little package to Kabul. I hope the repercussions, should there be any, result in a few Taliban having a really, really bad time. Hand him over Taliban, or I’ll send you another one.
Oh no, no, no, no, no! I just heard from the guy I sent the second gift to. He received it after all. I don’t know what this means. Well, you know how easy it is to get Fortean Times and Skeptical Inquirer confused. I mean, what’s with the old-fashioned formats? Skeptical Inquirer especially looks like a men’s magazine from the 1950s. So does The Futurist. It’s not really all my fault is it?
Maxwell Edison: You could possibly be a proto-type Anti Christ. I’m just bald.
Most people who read this thread in part or completely might consider it a trifle unnecesary. They will probably consider the choice I have made to revive it as unnecessary also. Something about it has been bugging me for weeks though. How long does airmail take, do you think, to get from New Zealand to Afghanistan? Longer than five days, I suspect but exactly five days after I sent it bombing began. Also: when I wrote the address on the envelope I was standing up, writing on a crooked surface with a useless pen. My writing looked pathetic (it doesn’t always). When photographs began appearing on television of the Anthrax letters I was shocked at how much they looked like my letter to Kabul - it was the weird, childish writing. I swear that I could just about take $10,000 off the Skeptics if anyone cared to believe some other, saner, facts about my life. I don’t think I could disclose those over the internet though, unless the thread started…"When you read these words I will be dead… Has anyone done a post on any message board yet like that? It’s quite probable that one has been done isn’t it?
Anyway, to counterbalance comments I have made tonight about DopeFests etc (in another thread) I’d like to say this: I probably won’t be paying to post. I’d like to thank everyone very much who has spoken (or posted) to me over the last two years especially people who responded “conversationally” in long threads like Dijon Warwick, Weird Dave, Spoofe etc etc etc. Sometimes it was so much fun. I’m not sure when paying starts but chances are I’ll just be reading. There are a good many people here who will be pleased with that, I’m sure. Thanks again to not those people.
Well, we’d hate to lose ya, G. Nome. You’re part of what makes this board interesting. Besides the food and sex, that is. And the sex with food. And the sheep.
Waitaminnit, here…Dijon Warwick?!? Awright, G. Nose, the gloves are comin’ off now…
[sub]Dijon suddenly realizes the significance of this whole Anti-Christ thing and flees in terror.[/sub]
I can safely say that of the lot of yers, G’nome is one of the people I would least like to see go. The boards will be a much duller place without her.
only scarlet coloured, and with feet like those of a bear, 
and a mouth like that of a lion… (as opposed I guess to a mouth like a leopard) … with seven heads and ten horns (not sure how the distribution of those works) …and with ten crowns, one on each horn… (so that could be worthwhile; if they’re good crowns with jewels and stuff). 
