Inigo: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya…
Rugen: You need to go where?
Inigo: No. It’s Inigo
Rugen: That’s what I asked.
**Inigo: **What?
**Rugen: ** What’s on second.
Inigo: I don’t know! I just want you to know who…
Rugen: Who’s on first!
**Inigo: **What?
**Rugen: **Second!
I was actually reading that as a Cheech and Chong dialogue. It worked great.
Hi dere! I’m Erik Montoya, eh. You dere killed my fader so you bedder be ready ta die! Ja, den we get a pasty.
I’m Inigo Montoya, this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl. We understand that you’re the man who killed our father. Prepare to be quite scathingly shunned.
Female a**hole: smacking gum Hey babe. This guy here’s got, like, six fingers.
Male a**hole: smacking gum Really babe?
Female a**hole: Yeah, totally.
Male a**hole: Then I guess I should, like, kill him.
Female a**hole: Maybe you should, babe. Didn’t he, like, kill your daddy or something?
Male a**hole: Yeah, he totally did. Here babe, hold my cell phone while I kill him.
Female a**hole: 'K babe.
Inigo: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Rugen: Okay… well I’m really named Inigo the First and Best. And I killed five fathers and I’m already dead. I actually died three days ago and I really have seven fingers.
I knew I shoulda posted mine before I left for work this morning…
There was a young man named Montoya
His dad? Slain! (Rugen’s evil ploy, yeah.)
Said he to the Count,
“That sixth finger’s no fount
Of help 'gainst my sword; I’ll destroy ya!”
Haiku:
I am Inigo
You killed my father, Rugen
Prepare to Die, Scum!
Inigo: I wish to make a complaint!
Rugen: Sorry, I’m going to lunch.
Inigo: Never mind that, my lord. I wish to complain about my father what you fought not half a decade ago in this very land.
Rugen: Oh yes, the, the Montoya father. What’s wrong with him?
Inigo: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him, my lad. He’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with him!
Rugen: No, no, he’s resting, look!
Inigo: Look my lad, I know a dead father when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
Rugen: No no sir. he’s not dead. He’s resting!
Inigo: Resting?
Rugen: Yeah, remarkable bloke, the Montoya father, beautiful heritage, innit?
Inigo: The heritage don’t enter into it - he’s stone dead.
Rugen: No, no - he’s just resting!
Inigo: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! Hello Daddy! I’ve got a nice cutlass for you when you wake up, Padre Montoya!
Rugen: (pushes bench) There, he moved!
Inigo: No, he didn’t. That was you pushing the bench!
Rugen: I did not.
Inigo: Yes, you did! Padre, Padre Montoya, wake up, Padre. Now that’s what I call a dead father.
Rugen: No, no. He’s stunned.
Inigo: Look my lad, I’ve had just about enough of this. My father is definitely deceased. And when you fought him not half a decade ago, you assured me that his lack of movement was due to him being tired and shagged out after a long duel.
Rugen: He’s probably pining for the swords.
Inigo: Pining for the swords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?
Rugen: The Montoya father prefers kipping on his back! Beautiful bloke, lovely heritage!
Inigo: Look, I took the liberty of examining my father, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his bench in the first place was that he had been nailed there.
Rugen: Well of course he was nailed there. Otherwise he would muscle up to that door and voom.
Inigo: Look matey, this father wouldn’t voom if you put four thousand volts through him! He’s bleedin’ demised!
Rugen: He’s not, he’s pining!
Inigo: He’s not pining, he’s passed on. This father is no more! He has ceased to be. He’s expired and gone to meet his maker. This is a late father. He’s a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed him to the bench he would be pushing up the daisies. He’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-father.
Rugen: Well, I’d better prepare to die, then.
Montoya Reynolds : (walks up and shoots Rugen stone dead with no warning whatsoever).
To onlookers : “killed my father way back. Got a problem with that?”
And for all the Order of the Stick fans :
Kobold : “My name is Yokyok. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
“Hello, my name is Inigo bin Laden. You American Zionist infidels killed my father.” KABOOM!
‘Kay, so like my name is Moonunit Montoya, y’know? And, like, I rilly should be shopping at the Galleria and stuff instead of, like, here. But, like, you killed my father, which was grody to the max. Like, gag me with a spoon! No, seriously, don’t. Anyway, like, if you could prepare to die, that’d be, like, totally bitchin’.
My name is Inigo Montoya, eh. You killed my father. Could you please die now? Thanks, eh.
It’s nice to see that you’ve taken an interest in fighting your own ignorance. My assistant TubaDiva had spent countless hours talking to my father only to discover that he was a very boring date. Being a resourceful and diligent scientific type Tuba soon determined with the help of our good friends of the Straight Dope Advisory Board that my father was, in fact, dead. What’s more, he appeared to have met his demise during or after his last encounter with you.
Here’s where it gets interesting. Cecil is normally a very pragmatic and serious fellow. However, in matters of family issues he’s been known to bring swift and fatal vengeance upon transgressors.
So while you are preparing to die, consider your ignorance fought.
Montoya: Ha! I’ve got conclusive proof you were the one who Night-killed my father! Prepare to be lynched, Count Rugen!
Vote Count Rugen!
I am Inigos of Borg. You separated my genetic progenitor from the Life Collective. Resistance is futile. Prepare to be devitalated.
Lovecraft:
My name is Dr. Inigo Munoz. I regret to inform you that you died five years ago.
My name is Luke Inigo Montoya Skywalker. You killed my father… prepare to die!
[deleted section]
Vader: Wait wait wait… your name is Luke Inigo Montoya… what?
Luke: Skywalker.
Vader: NO WAY! My name was Skywalker before I changed it cause, you know, Vader just sounds way more menacing than “ooh, look at me, I walk in the sky…” did you ever get those hippie jokes about your name?
Luke: Oh hell yeah! Mos Eisley High School… “hey Luke, why do you need a landspeeder if you can sky-walk…”
Vader: Mos Eisley? Like on Tattooine Mos Eisley?
Luke: Yeah… is there another?
Vader: No… f*ckin’… way! I grew up near Mos Eisley on Tattooine!
Luke: No f*ckin’ way!
Vader: Way! I was a slave for Watto the junk dealer. You know him?
Luke: No, we bought our junk from Jawas…
Vader: Tell me about it, who the hell wants to buy anything from a wasp? Get out of town… a Tattooine Skywalker… the only other Skywalker I knew on Tattooine was my mom, Shmi.
Luke: Small freaking world! My grandma was named Shmi Skywalker!
Vader: You’re just making shit up now aren’t you? If I still had skin I’d have goosebumps! I mean even with 29000 star systems how many Shmi Skywalkers can there be? Are you sure her name was Shmi Skywalker?
Luke: Yeah I’m sure! She was buried out in Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s front yard!
Vader: Owen and Beru… okay… you know, my mom married a guy with a kid named Owen, and his girlfriend was named Beru… used to make this blue drink that tasted like bantha vomit.
Luke: I know just what you’re talking about! MY Aunt Beru used to make that!
Vader: Okay, this is just weird, some kind of parallel universe or time travel shit man. What was your dad’s name?
Luke: Anakin Skywalker…
Vader: Oh, okay… if you wanna pull my leg you need to go to lava planet and pick it up, cause I’m Anakin Skywalker. Or I was anyway, before I changed it, cause not too many people tremble in fear of a guy named Annie.
Luke: Word. So do you have any kids?
Vader: Oh, long story, sad one. I had one, he’d be about your age, but unfortunately he died at birth. His mother died too.
Luke: Oh, sorry to hear that. You must have been heartbroken.
[flashback ending in NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!]
Luke: So like, was that when you turned evil? When you saw your wife and child’s dead bodies?
Vader: No, it was a little before then. In fact technically I never saw their dead bodies. My new boss just told me they were dead and I took him at his word. I mean he may have wiped out the Jedi and made me kill younglings, but he never lied to me. Well, enought of that. So how’d you hook up with Obi Wan? The only time I know of he went to Tattooine was when he found me.
Luke: Oh, he took me to Uncle Owen when I was newborn. My mom had just died at birth.
Vader: Okay… you know what I’m thinking… okay… this is gonna flip your lid…
[/deleted scene]
VADER: I AM YOUR FATHER!
Our name, as if you didn’t already know, is Perez Montoya. Even tho we just luvs that outfit (ferosh!), you killed our daddy U meanie! Cease and desist bb!