There aren’t many dopers who hold to the belief that if you don’t have kids your life is meaningless, but I know there are a few. So, this question is for them, and also for anyone interested in chiming in.
As a childless (and happy to be so) person, I’ve often encountered people who say that life is meaningless or empty without kids, and some of them cite an instinct to reproduce and see their genes live on. But obviously, for your genes to live on your children have to have children, too. I’ve heard people express sadness that, say, their only son isn’t going to have a child to carry on the “family name,” but I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say that if their children don’t have children their lives are meaningless because their genes are dying out.
Is this something people feel? Do people use it for justification to put pressure on their children to reproduce?
I do think that a lot of people who have kids are bummed out by it if they don’t get any grandkids. I know it bothers my aunt (of her two kids, one of them unfortunately died before he was able to have any kids and the other one is a cat lady who chooses not to have human kids).
Thinking of my future perspective (no kids yet but want to have them) I would like to have grandkids and would feel sad if none of my kids had any kids. The world needs more people like me, honestly.
I adore my son, but I’d never make the claim that life would be “meaningless” if I hadn’t had him. Were I childless, my life would presumably be meaningful in a different way. And it makes me queasy to even contemplate the notion that a reason to have children is to pass along your genes. I know there are parents who feel that way, but they are just as warped and irritating as childfree people who seem to think they should be shielded from ever sharing any public space with a person under 12.
My son’s decision whether or not to have children is entirely up to him. I was 39 when he was born, so if he fathers a child at 40 or 45 I may not really ever know my grandchild or understand much about my son’s life as a parent anyway.
If he DOES have a child when I’m young enough to appreciate it, it will be very cool, but it’s not something I’m planning on, or am expecting to go to my grave regretting having missed.
Of course not. Was George Washington’s life meaningless? Leonardo Da Vinci? Socrates? Jesus?
A lot of people feel that their OWN lives would be empty or meaningless without children, but it’s obviously nonsense to project that on anybody else. You can find people who think that life would be worthless without music and others who could care less about it. Meaning is where you find it.
I was an only child and both of my parents have died. Technically I’m child-free. I have a grown step-son who was also an only child. He’s almost 30 and no kids although they’re trying. I do hope for the opportunity to be a granny but my life is far from empty or meaningless if that never happens.
Life would not be meaningless if I didn’t have kids, but they were a great joy. Now they are grown, moved away and all three have children. I certainly enjoy them when I see them, but that is altogether just a few weeks every year. I could live without them, but they are also a great delight.
A weird take on this topic: My mom says she would be content without grandkids because ‘who would want to have a child in this day and age!’. I think she’s just suffering from ye olde every-generation-after-mine-is-bad syndrome, but it was a weird thing to hear as her reason.
They may mean that for them personally. My life would be meaningless without travel, but that doesn’t mean everyone who doesn’t travel is living a meaningless life.
I my daughter was born ten years ago when I was 42. She has added a great deal to my life and I do not regret having a child, but my life was quite meaningful before she came along. I could have lived my life perfectly well without a child.
Whether or not she has a child or children of her own has to do with her own life more than mine. A grandchild would add a new dimension to my life, the way a child has, but again I don’t NEED a grandchild.
I’m male. I wonder how this opinion varies between the sexes.
I told my daughters when they were of the appropriate age that (1) I would love to have as many grandchildren as you are willing and able to have. (2) Please only have a child if YOU want to have it. My wishes are irrelevant to that choice.
So, no, lack of children would not have made my life in any way meaningless. I am ecstatic to now have a granddaughter, and would have been sad not to have a grandchild, but the lack thereof would not have made my life in any way meaningless.
I’ve read the same theory, that having children is pretty meaningless from an evolutionary standpoint if they all get eaten by alligators or something. You haven’t “won” from a genetic point of view until you’ve seen your children successfully procreate. Since most people don’t live to see great-grandchildren, seeing grandchildren is as good as it gets. It’s also why mom keeps on you about getting married and having some kids.
Yes, there are people who feel that their lives are meaningless if they don’t have grandchildren, and my father is, or at least was, one of those. We had a blowout 10 years ago when he just wouldn’t stop bugging us about it, and the subject hasn’t come up since.
This is a man who has been involved in lots of interesting things over his life, including working towards the startup of a university. He’s had a positive effect on lots of people, yet he felt defined by my lack of children.
This is sort of tangential to the topic, but it seems to fit, and it’s been on my mind for a year. Earlier this year, I attended a funeral for a man from my congregation. He and his wife had seven children. The entire service spoke to his love of family, the tight bonds between the parents and their children, the joy their children had brought to them. It was a very moving service.
And then I looked around at all seven of those kids, that I went to school with. The youngest is 45. There is only one grandchild in the whole bunch, and the dad told me he’s having custody issues since he and the mom weren’t married. I don’t even recall many spouses in the group. It seemed so sad…this family that so enjoyed and celebrated children have virtually no one to carry on the next generation. These are all intelligent, accomplished people, but for whatever reason, none of them have children. I wondered how disappointed, privately, the parents were that they have only one grandchild and that child is one they rarely if ever see due to the custody issue. It could be they all have fertility issues…one of my dearest friends is one of four sisters, none of whom were able to bear children, though one sister adopted. But it still seems odd, and sad to me.
Right now my daughter is having fertility issues. While I look forward to grandbabies, I know if she can’t have any (and adoption and in vitro are probably out of the question since they don’t make that much money) my sadness at not having grandkids would be magnified by her grief. It’s not so much the babies, as it is seeing her being unhappy.
I remember once hearing a woman say “but, I want to be a grandmother! What do you think I had you for?”
The daughter answered “I’m going to be optimistic and assume you didn’t mean to tell me all you ever wanted was a breeding cow.” A third woman sitting at their table piped in with “and all these years, me being a mother because I wanted to be a mother! Really, li’l sis, have you considered getting your head checked?”
My mother was incredibly happy when I became (accidentally) pregant with my son because she desperately wanted to be a grandmother before she was 40. She has very little relationship with my kids or my brothers kids however so I think her only reason for this was to beat her mother in law who, with my birth, became a grandmother at 41.
Personally I think they’re both nuts and I’m quite happy for my kids to finish school, find the loves of their lives and then decide if they want kids or not. I will absolutely love my grandchildren should they appear but I’m not waiting for them to bring meaning to my life.
I don’t think this makes sense at all. There is plenty of research that shows that childless couples are happier than couples with children. But they won’t be urging their non-existent children to produce impossible grand children. So the only population in question is the “you must reproduce” mob.