If life is so wonderful, ....

My wife: I love you honey. I didn’t know I could be this happy nor trust in another person so much as I’ve found out since I place that ring on your finger 16 months ago. I love waking next to you in the morning. You’re my friend, and a wonderful stepmother to my kids. Without you, I’d still be lost, and I thank you for making me believe in love again.

Kids: What can I say? You’re my life and I’d gladly give my life for yours. You’re me and not me. I see myself in your faces. I see elements of my personality in you that you’ve made your own. I ache to see you hurt, I’m never as happy as when you’re smiling. I dream of what you’ll bring to the world, and yet, I want to protect you from it just the same. A wonderful gift you all are.

My Buds G an H: How did I deserve friends like you. I trust you more than I do members of my own family. If my house burned down, I know you guys would show up the next day with lumber and paint unasked. I can count on you in good times and bad. We can share a joke a make it last a half an hour. We share our pain with each other and are unafraid to show are weaknesses. The word friend barely resembles the relationship we have.

How do I balance this with my desire to sometimes be left alone? Am I selfish to wish that these wonderful people who make my life, well my life, go away for an hour or two? Is it natural to feel resentful of the time you demand my attention? Why do I feel this way? Is this mundane and pointless?

Share with me.

I am a woman who needs her space. Space to be by myself, not with hubby, family or friends. My husband understands this and we are lucky enough to not have kids yet, so when I need space, I usually just ask for it. He has enough stuff going on that I can usually get my “space requirement” during the week. If I don’t, I go to the library or a bookstore on the weekend and just…do nothing. Get a book, don’t get a book, go the cafe, don’t go to the cafe. Or sometimes I’ll even kick him out of the house - tell him to go fishing or something - and get my space at home. Sometimes that’s better 'cause I can be in my own place and not worry about having others around.

My husband, for his time, likes to go for long walks in the nature centers or go fishing.

Take the time to explain it to your wife like you explained it to us. Makes perfect sense.

I understand your sentiments, truly I do.

The thing is, as wonderful as these people are, they are not you. I think (at least in my experience) it’s beneficial to be alone with yourself. You learn a great deal that way.

Then again, I’m somewhat of a loner…and I don’t think it’s selfish to want to have some time alone, provided you don’t neglect the needs of those who have trusted you to be there for them.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I feel the same way. I love my wife, but when she is out of town visiting family or something I do enjoy being by myself. I think it’s natural.

I’m in love with a man who is 31 and has never been married or had custody of his children, who left home as a teenager and made his own way in the world with little help from anyone. He has created ways to pass his time, entertainments concocted years before he met me. I know he considers me to be a good thing, I know he’s going to ask me to marry him, live with him, share his life…but…
He needs to be alone sometimes. I understand it, but I don’t need the same. But we’re not talking about my needs or even his: your needs are necessary. I assume you don’t mean to abandon your family forever, but taking even an hour or two a day for yourself can feel like selfishness. My sister works out at the gym, not to get in shape, but to escape her 5 kids in a socially acceptable way.

I just can’t imagine living with another person—I am such a loner that I don’t even show up to my Hermit Association meetings.

I wouldn’t even think of running away, well not forever :smiley:
I just feel like sometimes, I’m losing myself if that makes any sense.

Please explain this, first to your wife, then to the others if necessary. For some people, lack of time alone can be devastating. Find a way to go off by yourself and do what you need to do for a while. Make sure you can set up time to do so regularly.

I’m sure your wife, your kids, and your friends all have needs of their own that you cater to. It’s only fair for them to make sure you have what you need, even if it is time by yourself.

The ironic thing is, that if this were anything else (money, more time with them, more support, less household chores) you wouldn’t be half as hesitant about asking, or half as worried about offending them. The need for time to yourself is legitimate.

By all that’s holy, no, you are not alone in this either! I could have written your post. I adore my husband, but, Geez, I need my time alone! When I work late and he gets home before I do, I don’t get that time. He has the TV on, talks on the phone, talks to me…of course, I get all the socializing I need at work, and time with him is important to me, but time with ME is important to me, too! It’s not selfish. It’s a need, not an unreasonable demand. Just as other people feel like they’ll die if the have to spend time alone, some of us feel like we’ll die if we DON’T spend time alone! Lucky me, tonight he’s going to a baseball game (going to see Cal Ripkin play his last Tampa game) and I’ll be alone *all evening long! :smiley: *

Thanks you’ve all made me feel better about it, I was feeling like a selfish toad.

An hour or two alone sounds perfectly reasonable.

There’s been a lot of publicity lately about a book called “The Marriage Sabbatical”, about (in this case) women who just need to get away from the husband, house, kids, etc. for while and do something by themselves. These sabbaticals range from a three weeks to two years! Here’s an ABC news article on the subject.

Humans are social animals, but that doesn’t mean that we all can’t use a little space.