One other thing for me …
I die a grizzly death in a Japanese feudal province because I can’t figure out how to win a bridge crossing when I’m the attacker.
Damnit!
I would be a woman with gravity proof boobs and long brown hair.
Oh and I would die about every 30 seconds.
Ages and ages ago I played the card games on the Intellivision Video Game System (remember that?) and started with $50. Now just by luck I was up to $25,000 or some ridiculous amount. I couldn’t believe it but I never tried that in a real casino.
One piece of software we played around with in school was this car creator that was nice for it’s time. No realistic driving game but more design and chassis layout type software. We tried to get the fastest possible car design out of it. Well, the software had a “bug” or the PS/2 had a glitch but this car had a top speed of over 100,000 mph. We tried to save the car but it came up again after we restarted at 200mph. Oh well 
The “lizards” are called Fygars, and the “weird-os” are Pookas. You need proper terminology to do proper gardening! 
I’d be the absolute picture of human perfection.
I’d have a huge ass gun. (NOT a huge ass-gun!)
I’d have to find a harp for the wizard so I could get the wand of power to fight the dragon, but the harp maker has gone missing, so I need to find him, but in order to find him I need to find his daughter who knows where he is, and she was last seen hanging around the ice palace…
I’d be $49.95 (retail).
All women would be stacked, and very pleasingly dressed.
And I would have used the reset button on at least two relationships.
The only things I would say would be “Get over here” and “Come here”
My car would blow up even if I touched another vehicle.
I’d have another car that I could drive on a moon and shoot things above me and below me while I jumped all the craters.
I’d rescue my baby joey after I put my boxing gloves on and started climbing trees and punching monkeys.
I’d wonder why I could only move forward or backward, not left and right.
I’d wonder how my ship could be right for space travel when it was just made up of blue and green lines, and wonder why the laser shots are now slow moving balls of static…
I’d be free with a magazine…
I don’t think it’s gardening, I think it’s digging. Or dugging…
I would use my Cerebral Bore on just about everyone I know.
I would be able to use my nuke weapon in close proximity to myself.
I would team up with Elvis to lay waste to the Skedar empire.
I would run through the jungle, leaping over croc-infested lakes, pits and rolling logs for no reason whatsoever.
I would be a super-secret spy type character infiltrating a multi-story building, stealing The Red Folder[sup]tm[/sup], and escaping by using the elevator.
I would be a Green Army Man known only as Sarge fighting to repel the evil Tans.
I would be an elite TIE-Fighter pilot wholeheartedly and single-handedly crushing the insignificant Rebel Alliance for my Emperor!
YEAH!
You would constantly hear the voice of God saying,
“Jophiel is low on health.”
“Jophiel needs food.”
Oh and I would keep life on the Easy setting
(as an aside, I once rented a Genesis game and noticed at the title screen that the settings were “Hard” and “Very Hard”. Now there’s a bad sign…)
I’d (always) be playing strip poker with three very fine young women.
When I’m not doing that (which would be never), I’d be able to drive as fast as I want, ram into other cars, and suffer minimal ramifications and absolutely no body damage.
Damn Jack, you ollie a lot! I might have to come to Dopetoberfest just so I can completely waste you on that game.
If life were a video game, I could airwalk off an airplane, land in an Instrument Manual, nose bluntslide to a pop shove-it, landing in a tail manual, 50-50 grind on the rotors of a helicoptor landing in another manual, add a series of grind/trick combinations, hurricane followed by a method into a nose manual, finishing with a christ air.
God, to be able to skate like that.
If life were like a video game with the Moon Gravity cheat… Woo!
I never, ever thought I’d see myself say this, but…
ELVIS RULES! (but the sights on his weapons stink)
I would acquire food for my ever-increasing clowder of cats by playing silly carnival games, paid for by playing other silly carnival games. Eventually,my mother would follow the cats on a time-spanning feline rampage. In the meantime, she wouldn’t notice that I was up in my room in bed with two girls–one of whom is of royal blood.
My life would be regularly interrupted by surreal, seemingly meaningless minigames, and everyone around me would be fanatically addicted to a card game that can’t be played without computer assistance to determine who won.
Of course, I might also be a certain janitor who was always just managing to outwit Darwin one last time only to be killed off by Sierra after the sixth installment of my game series.
I could go around randomly chopping plants, slicing signs, and throwing rocks and then head inside. When I come back out, they would be back.
I could summon monstrously powerful Gods to destroy whatever is in front of me whether it be a goose or a stray dog.
People would let me just burst into their house and talk to me as if this is ok.
These same people would leave chests lying around with precious materials and not seem to notice it when I take what’s inside.
I could stay awake every day, all day and never have to leave SDMB to go to bed. Sleep is for the week.
I would be me.
Life is already a video game.