YES! I’M JUST IN TIME!!
Okay, guys, here we go. Seasonal and everything. I give you:
The Night Before Christmas, LOTR Style
’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Shire
Not a hobbit was stirring, save one, near a fire.
A tension he felt growing strong in the air,
And suddenly Gandalf was standing right there!
The wizard looked scared, like he’d just seen a wraith,
But he said, “Is it secret?” and then “Is it safe??”
And Frodo, attending with much less than glee,
Pulled out Bilbo’s ring for the wizard to see.
Gandalf ran to the fire, his purpose pursuing;
As he threw in the ring Frodo cried, “What you doing?”
But Gandalf ignored him, for he was no fool;
He pulled it right out and said, “Here, it’s quite cool!”
Outside on the lawn Sam was trimming the verge,
But to eavesdrop on Gandalf he soon felt the urge,
But what to his listening ears did unfurl,
But a plan laid by Sauron to take over the world!
Inside the old Wizard explained to young Frodo
That the terrible ring was a definite no go.
Some words had formed on it in quite a short time,
And Gandalf to Frodo repeated this rhyme:
“Now One Ring! To rule them!
Now One Ring! To find them!
Now One Ring! To bring them!
And in darkness bind them!
In the dark land of Mordor
Where the black shadows lie,
It is there you must go!
It is there you must fly!”
Frodo looked on in horror—was not the ring safe?
They could hide it right here with none knowing its place!
But Gandalf said old Gollum’s tongue had been waggin’—
He’d said only two words; they were “Shire” and “Baggins!”
Little Frodo did know as he stood there in pain,
There were Nazgul abroad cutting hobbits in twain!
He tried his Plan B: Gandalf should take the ring!
But the wizard refused the abominable thing.
So our hero had only one thing left to do.
He must “Leave, and leave quickly” ere Black Riders got through!
A bundle of food he flung onto his back,
And the ring, to keep safe, in his pocket he packed.
His eyes—how they blinked! He was nervous for sure.
The quest would be deadly, and the ring’s taint, impure.
All at once his heart jumped as a clunk came outside—
Gandalf pulled in old Sam, saying “I’ll tan your hide!”
Samwise stammered and stuttered and made comic quips,
But the wizard looked wary and pursed his old lips.
So for spying, young Gamgee got a fate worse than death—
He must ditch his dear garden and come on the quest!
Though quite chubby and plump, with a love for things Elf,
Samwise gulped with suspicion in spite of himself.
And as Gandalf rode off, he looked straight on ahead,
With a look that said, “Yeah. Well, I’d rather be dead.”
He and Frodo spoke not but went straight to their work,
Bringing Merry and Pippin along as a perk.
But a wraith found their trail, and, unable to tarry,
They took off like a shot for old Buckleberry Ferry!
They ran and they ran, leaving Frodo for last,
And he flew off the dock for the ferry right fast,
And I heard him exclaim as they rowed out of sight,
“Some Christmas this is! Gandalf’s presents sure bite!”
