If LotR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?

Cafe Society
,
922

Off - Off damn ring, get thee hence from filthy Frodo hand, but O, so smooth, so gold so precious. O cursed be the man that leaps after a ring for what is a ring, but a piece of precious gold, O my precious, Would it not be the same shape as with any other name?

By what magic does thee hold this grip that thee has bestowed upon me? Those bagginses, travelling from lands afar, trained in thievery as they steal away in the dark of night with my precious… Hark… what light breaks o’er yonder hill, it is my precious, and Frodo Baggins wields it. O it is my precious. I must have thee!

Over mountain and under hill, thy have travelled far since you escaped my grasp, yet O my precious, can’t you hear my soul call for thee? Escaping the slings and arrows from evil thuggery by the house of Saurman, crossing swamps of countless dead, who proudly fought to save the friends and day, so they who were there could proudly speak and those who were not would become silent in shame.

I have come to join with thee, With a single bite, O precious one, I can set thy free, from this vile hobbit thug. I cry to thee, to come to me, where without no heat of hell can compare in pain with a life without you.

Come with me, O precious one, as we join within eternity by a little leap and our pain and sorrows will be forever gone.

923

Seinfeld anyone?

924

For some reason, doing the legalese one (I trust it wasn’t overlong) got me thinking about doing e.e. cummings:
the ring being Brand
-new;and you
know consequently a
little big i was
careful of it and(having

thoroughly shined the elvish
script checked my pocket felt of
its chain made sure it was around my neck O.

K.)i went right to it jammed-it-on my finger straight

up,slipped out of
sight(and then somehow got seen by the Eye which
threatened what
the hell)next
minute i was back in the Prancing Pony tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my

fin-ger Right-
oh and it’s a shiny precious in
A 1 shape then was
grabbed by some Ranger
pulled-out-of-the room like
greasedlightning)just as we entered the room ahead of Wraiths

in black my friends burst in and gave

him the juice,good

(it
was the first public use and believe i we was
worried to see how baldy it affected Frodo right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Ford
of Rivendell we washed up
the

infernaldemanding
&
eternalenslaving
wraiths Nineatonce and

brought allofthem tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)

925

Ferret of the Rings - An original work by Maria Ossa

Here’s the Tolkein masterpiece as seen through the eyes of Frodo’s lovable ferret, Gordo.

“Hey, the little guy with the nice hairy feet is back! Yay! Time to play! Time to play!
Oh, wait, there’s a big scary guy with a stick. I don’t like his feet. :stuck_out_tongue: I wanna play! Play, play, play!
What are they doing? Why won’t they come play?
Ooooo…what’s that in his hand? It’s so shiny and pretty. I wanna play with it! I can stash it away. Give it to me! Let me play!
I can put it under the bed with the rest of my great stuff.
Hmmm…should I put it with the pens I stole from the desk or the big socks i took from the closet? Or how about with all that stinky plant stuff he puts in that long thingy for his mouth?”

Little Gordo sees the ring and tries to run and grab it. He only manages to jump as high as Frodo’s waist, though. Frustrated, he bites at Gandalf’s foot. This only maddens Gandalf and he swats Gordo away with his staff. Gordo takes this as an invitation to play. He starts jumping up and down and running around. He jumps on Frodo’s bed, squeaking and chuckling.

“Play! Play! Play! Nice springy bed! Jump, jump, jump! Weeeeee!”

Bouncing like a maniac, Gordo falls off the bed and bumps his little furry head on the nightstand. Bonk!

“What was that?” <confused look, but only for a second> “Jump, jump, jump! Squeak, squeak, squeak! Play, play, play! Hee hee hee!
Give me the shiny thing! I’ll take care of it! Me, me, me! Play, play, play!”

926

This is my ring.
There are many unlike it, but this one is mine.
It is my life. I must master my ring as I must master my life.
Without me my ringbearers are useless.
Without my ringringbearers, I am useless.
I must carry my ring true.
I must destroy the ring who is trying to destroy me.
I must defeat it before it defeats me.
I will.

927

Grima Crebain
Attorney at Law
Dear Sir/Madam:
We hereby acknowledge receipt of your letter to Mr. Frodo Baggins dated January 8th, last and confirm that we have been retained as legal counsel on behalf of Mr. Baggins in this regard.

We further acknowledge that Mr. Baggins may be in possession of an item similar to that which your client claims ownership.

However, we hereby decline your client’s request for return of the said property, and provide therefor the following argument:

  1. It is abundantly clear that the case law of Bridge v Hawksworth and Parker v British Airways would be applicable herein; and

  2. Insasmuch as the said item has been a family heirloom in the possession and use of the Baggins family for several decades, it is clear that the Statute of Limitations for your client’s claim to such property renders any such claim null and void.

We trust that this letter will satisfactorily settle any claims that your client may have in this regard.

We remain,

Yours faithfully,

Dewey Cheatem & Howe
Barristers and Solicitors
I.M. Cheatem, Q.C.

928

In the Third Age of Middle Earth, war was beginning.

Elrond: What happen?
Galadriel: Someone set up us the ring.
Elendil: We get signal.
Elrond: What!
Isildur: Main screen turn on.
Elrond: It’s you!!
Sauron: How are you gentlemen. All yuor ring are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Elrond: What you say!!
Sauron: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Sauron: Ha ha ha ha …
Elrond: Take off every ‘hand’
Elrond: You know what you doing
Elrond: Move ‘Isildur’
Elrond: For great justice

929

“Wisdom of our Hobbits”
excerpt

Wizard [Gandalf the Grey] was fond of saying: "Which is the proper path [of life] that one should select? The one that seems ale-full for oneself and brings pipeweed [bestowed by] others. Be as careful in the performance of [an ostensibly] minor celebration as [what seems to be] a really major party, since you do not know the [potential] reward for [the performance of any of] the fireworks. Think deeply about three things and you will never be gripped by the desire to leave the Shire. Know what is above you: an eye that sees. Know what is to the west: a Maia that hears. And all your deeds are inscribed in a book.

Rabban Meriadoc, a Brandybuck of Brandy Hall, said, “It is good to join the drinking of mead to some kind of smoking, for the effort required by both robs sin of its power. Ale- or mead-drinking without pipeweed will end up being useless and will cause sin. Let all who drink with the whole Tavern do so for the sake of the Shire; the merit of their ancestors will sustain them, and, as a result, their merriment will remain forever.” As for you [Galadriel says], “I will credit you with a great reward, as if you had harvested a double crop of pipeweed in one summer.”
** Wizard [Gandalf the Grey]. Since he was the youngest, and sole surviving, Istari of his generation, as well as one of the chief compilers of the entire Ring Saga, Gandalf was known as “Wizard,” ie., Wizard par excellence. He lived from time unrecorded until the end of the fourth age, and was a friend of Frodo the Wise and Samwise-the-not-so-wise-but-certainly-very-brave-and-loyal-and-also-quite-a-good-cook-and-not-too-bad-in-bed-either-according-to-Rosie.

**Rabban Meriadoc. He was the third to bear this name. The first was the grand-nephew of Hillel Bracegirdle, the only Bracegirdle ever to receive the title of rabbi. Bracegirdle’s wife’s sister’s son, Shimon Took, had a son named Meriadoc (I). That first Meriadoc had a son named Shimon whose son was named Meriadoc (II); the second Meriadoc had a cousin named Shimon whose son was Yehudah Ha-Proudfoot. Yehuda ha-Proudfoot’s dog’s friend’s owner’s third cousin once removed was the Meriadoc (III) of this mishnah.

930

Hunter S. THompson deserves a better showing…

We were somewhere around Mordor on the edge of the Gorgoroth, when the Ring began to take hold. I remember saying something like I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should take the reins....'' And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the horse, which was going about a twenty-five miles an hour with no saddle to Mount Doom. And a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn Nazguls?’’

Then it was quiet again. Sam had taken his shirt off and was pouring ale on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. What the hell are you yelling about?'' he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Elvish sunglasses. Never mind,’’ I said. ``It’s your turn to ride.’’ I led Bill the pony toward the shoulder of the path. No point mentioning those Ringwraiths, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

Gandalf had given me 300 pieces of gold, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous magic. Our packs looked like a mobile wizard’s caravan. We had two bags of pipeweed, seventy-five pellets of lembas, five sheets of high-powered moon runes, a salt shaker half full of some magic dirt Sam had gotten off a hysterical elf maiden, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored charms, amulets, scrolls, potionss . . . and also a quart of mead, a quart of miruvor, a cask of ale, a Ring of Power and two dozen sprigs of athelas.

All this had been rounded up the fortnight before, in a frenzy of high-speed riding all over the Shire- from Baranduin to the Far Downs of Harfoot, we picked up everything we could get our hands on. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious magic collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

The only thing that really worried me was the Ring. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a hobbit in the depths of a Power Ring binge…

931

A ring is a ring is a ring is a ring is a ring.

932

Hi people,
I’m completely speechless by this whole thing; it’s… glorious.

I was going to do ‘The One Aleph’, but a lot can be said about opening Obras Completas in a random page.

Afterglow (Sauron’s Tombstone) - Jorge Luis Borges

Dusk is always moving
no matter how drab or plain,
but even more moving
is that desperate, final glow
that rusts the plains
when the last of the sun is gone.
It hurts us to bear that taut and distinct light,
those hallucinations imposed upon space
by the unanimous fear of shadow
which ceases abruptly
when we notice its falsity,
as dreams stop
when we know we dream.

933

OK, so, I couldn’t resist. I was going to try to do a spoof on The Naming of Cats, but that required more thought than this one, and I’m at work right now. Then, this one caught my attention. I hardly had to change it, although I think I rather twisted the meaning…

Memory, by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Midnight, not a sound from the forest
Have the wraiths lost their memory
Ring is shining alone.
In the torchlight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like old Smeagol I yearn to keep the ring for my own
I am waiting for the day
Now Old Sauron and Saruman, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the bearer who can now be reborn
And come back to a different hobbiton life
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The starlight dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight, through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it’s so easy to keep me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun.

I didn’t claim my alterations were any /good/, but it amused me.

934

Mr. Cheatem,

 Thank you for your prompt reply to my letter of 8 January regarding the dispute between Administrator Sauron and Mr. Baggins. We have reviewed your claims and, I am sorry to say, find them wanting.  

 The cases you cite refer to matters involving lost property.  The instant case is distinguished due to the fact that my client did not in fact lose the property in question but, rather, was a victim of a robbery. To whit, the ring in question was taken from him by the application if deadly force. We are well aware that some have suggested that said robber did then proceed to lose my client's ring. But, if you insist upon denying my client's right to the return of his property, we intend to argue in court that, insofar as Isildur's possession of the ring was unlawful, no later possessor can have a greater rights of title in it than he did. 

 As regards your claim that the Statute of Limitations is a bar to suit, we intend to argue that Mr. Baggins should not be able to use the law as a shield to hide his wrongful possession of my client's property and that the Statute should not be considered to have tolled until my client became aware of the identity of the party in possession. 

 Please note that the very cases you cite in support of your position can in fact be construed as supporting my client: In each of those cases, the finder of the lost property at issue turned said property over to higher authority in hopes that the true owner would be found. The finder only gained rightful title when such true owner was not found within a reasonable time. Your client made no such effort to facilitate the return of my client's property to him. Contrarywise, your client actively and willfully hid the ring from even his closest acquaintances, so anxious was he to prevent the rightful owner from discovering its whereabouts. We will therefore argue that it would be unjust enrichment for him to be allowed to retain my client's property under those precedents. See, eg., Attorney General of Canada v. RJR Tobacco Holding (2nd Cir 2001) (profit from crime is unjust enrichment)  

 I should add, by the way, that my client was only able to find your client, and hereby seek to assert his rightful title to the ring in question, after considerable time and expense.  If we are in fact forced to litigate this matter, we will of course request compensatory damages for the full amount of said expenses.  My client is willing to waive any such claim if your client will agree to simply return the ring forthwith.

 My client is quite elderly and, as was implied in my previous letter, is in a state of especially poor health.  He has become quite fixated on regaining possession of his ring. He is, in fact, convinced that he will not recover from his current infirmity without it. Any effort on your part to convince your client to be reasonable and allow an old man to enter his twilight years with the small peace of mind the return of this bauble would grant to him would be sincerely appreciated. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely,
Grima Crebain
Attorney at Law

935

Gandalf: What happen?

Samwise: Somebody set us up the orc.

Pippin: We get signal.

Gandalf: What!

Pippin: Main seeing stone turn on.

Gandalf: It’s you!!

Saron: How are you Fellowship!!

Saron: All your rings are belong to us.

Saron: Middle Earth are on the way to destruction.

Gandalf: What you say!!

Saron: Hobbits have no chance to survive make your time.

Saron: HA HA HA HA ….

Gandalf: Take off every ‘great eagle’!!

Gandalf: You know what you doing.

Gandalf: Move ‘great eagle’.

Gandalf: For great justice.

936

Well… after 19 pages of lurking, I feel I really ought to post something. I was going to do Bridget Jones, but I see that’s already been covered… so… Anyone here read Louise Rennison’s “Confessions of Georgia Nicholson” books?

Confessions of Frodia Nicholson

Monday Forelithe 17th

my bedroom
hobbitton
bag end

3.30pm

Mutti is shouting something up the stairs about how I am going to be late for Uncle Bilbo’s three-millionth birthday party. I am trying to ignore her. I have no intention whatsoever of going to Uncle Bilbo’s party as he is extremely old and mad.

10.45 pm.

I was eventually forced to leave the house and accompany Mutti and Vati to the land of the old and embarrassing. Wasn’t too bad in the end as at least Mer and Pip and Sam were there and we amused ourselves by holding a contest to see who could fit the most crisps in their mouth. Mer won, which is not surprising as she does have the largest gob known to hobbitkind. Vati attempted to dance at one point, but I shall draw a veil over that unfortunate incident and will treat it with the contemptiosity it deserves. On the bright side, however, Uncle Bilbo announced that he was finally buggering off and was planning to go off and live in Rivendell for the rest of his days, which surely cannot possibly be very many as he is already the oldest hobbit in the universe.

The party eventually ended at around 9 as all the old people clearly needed to get home and… er… do whatever old people do all evening. Unfortunately, as far as I am concerned the torture still isn’t over as Vati’s annoying friend Gandalf has insisted on following us home. Why? Why?

11.00pm.

Apparently Bilbo left me some sort of family heirloomy thingy. Why me? What did I do? Perhaps his senile old brain has me confused with somebody else. Still, never look up a gift horse’s nose, that’s what I say. Or something.

11.05pm.

Family heirloom turned out to be a manky old ring. Oh, thank you very much, Mad Uncle Bilbo.

Wednesday Forelithe 19th

on the phone to Mer

4.40pm.
Mer is wibbling on like a loon on loon tablets.

“…so I think he must like me, don’t you, Fro? I mean, he did dance with me at your uncle’s party, and I know he danced with Lobelia and Ruby as well, but I do think it meant more that he asked me first. What do you think?”

“Mer, I think you should shut up, now.”

About 12 Years Later

6.00pm

Am hiding in my room as Gandalf the Mad is coming round for dinner and will probably spend fifty-three hours rambling on to Mutti and Vati about the old days and how they all used to go dragon-killing together. Honestly, what is wrong with my family?

11.30pm.

Sacre bleu!

Gandalf the Mad stomped straight up to my room when he arrived and started foaming at the mouth about Uncle Bilbo’s ring, which apparently has some ancient curse on it or something (I am not sure of the details as I stopped listening after three syllables). According to him we must both immediately run off to Elfy-a-gogo land and… er… take it back to the manufacturers, or something.

He is living in the universe of the very mad if he thinks I am going to agree to this.

1pm.

in room

Rang Mer.

Mer said “Well, I think you should go. It could be important.”

I said “Mer, what you think is of no consequence as you are mad.”

5pm.

Sam came round. Have been feeling a bit awkward around him since attempted-snogging incident last month but could not be bothered to hide so I went out and sat in the yard with him while he wibbled on about gardening. Eventually I said “Sam, if you don’t talk about something more interesting soon I may have to give you a duffing up. It will be for your own good.”

He said “Mer says you are going to visit some elves. Can I come?”

Oh thankyou, Radio Mer.

937

Arthur C. Clark

        Boromir approached Dr. Frodo timidly. Dr. Frodo reflected on the fact that Boromir usually did not come to him outside of the 6 O' Clock Hobbit.
        "I have an idea that could cut our travel time from 3 months to 3 weeks. We could attach the ring to Shadowfax." Of course! Boromir was not the smartest engineer picked for this mission, but sometimes it took someone less smart to realize something so obvious. By harvesting the power of the soon-to-be destroyed ring, they could add velocity to the horse Shadowfax.
       "Where would you attach the ring?" questioned Dr. Frodo.
       "I asked for stress analysis on Shadpwfax from mission control, and it said that the tail unit was very strong."
       "It seems ypu have thought this through. Have you told the captain?" Frodo Heywood asked.
      "Not yet. I didn't think he would listen to me without someone else's support."
     That week there were a lot of messages sent to mission control about the structure of Shadowfax. After they had researched it thoroughly, Heywood and Boromir decided to tell Captian Gandalf.
938

Here’s one for FOTR, which is the book I know best.

Anyone want to take a crack at TT and ROTK?

Book I

A Long Expected Party
Eleventy-one
A long expected party,
Bilbo disappears.

A Shadow of the Past
Gandalf to Frodo:
The One Ring must be destroyed,
Sam can go with you.

Three is Company
Road goes ever on…
What about second breakfast?
Quick, hide! Black riders!

A Short-Cut to Mushrooms
Look, mushrooms! I’m starved…
Black Riders will chase us all
To the Brandywine

A Conspiracy Unmasked
Merry and Pippin
Never had masks, but they knew
The Quest all along.

The Old Forest
This wood is scary.
Who’s that singing? Oh no, it’s
Tom Bombadil-o

In the House of Tom Bombadil
Ring a dong dil-o
Fa la la fol de rol, let’s
Get out of here-o

Fog on the Barrow-Downs
Watch where you’re sleeping
There’s fog on the barrow-downs
Wights will capture you

At the Sign of the Prancing Pony
Stay out of trouble
Don’t let anyone see you
Don’t put the Ring on!

Strider
Can we trust Strider?
In this light, he looks quite like
Viggo Mortenson

A Knife in the Dark
Black Riders have found us!
Frodo’s been hit, we’re all doomed!
Thanks a lot, Strider

Flight to the Ford
If you’re in danger
Summon up a river to
Wash away Nazgul
Book Two:

Many Meetings
Bilbo, is that you?
I want you to have my sword
Sting will protect you

The Council of Elrond
I will take the ring,
Though I do not know the way.
Alright, we’ll all go.

The Ring Goes South
His arm has grown long
No choice, we have to go through
The Mines of Moria

A Journey in the Dark
Kraken stirs the lake
Gandalf will figure it out…
Speak friend, and enter

The Bridge of Khazad-dum
You shall not pass, fiend.
Crack, crash, growl, roar, slip, fall, whip
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!

Lothlorien
Can someone tell me
Is it called Lorien or
Lothlorien?

The Mirror of Galadriel
With the Ring, I’d be
Beautiful and deadly like
Black forest gateau.

Farewell to Lorien
Goodbye Lorien
But before you go, take this
Here, have some lembas

The Great River
It’s a nice river
But what’s so great about it?
Oh, the big statues.

The Breaking of the Fellowship
Boromir is slain
Uruk-Hai are everywhere
Fellowship broken

939

(And while I’m here, can I just say how fantastic that e. e. cummings version was? Thanks.)

940

I loved this whole thread… so i had to register and post an IRC version of the Battle of Helmsdeep.

  • Now talking in #Helmsdeep
  • Topic is ‘Battle Is ON Let Them Come’
  • Set by Theoden on Sun Jan 05 07:51:05
    *** #Helmsdeep @Theoden @GIMli_ +EoWyN^69 @Legolas @}}AraGoRN{{ ^Háma^ GamLinG Haldir Uruk-Hai fr3d4 maDril
  • }}AraGoRN{{ (cooldude@036.gondor.net) has joined #Helmsdeep
  • Chanop sets mode: +o }}Aragorn{{
    [}}Aragorn{{] Hey dudes
    [EoWyN^69] HI }}Aragorn{{ i mished u babe
    [}}Aragorn{{] uh yeah… hi babe.
    [Legolas] u’re late.
    [Legolas] u smell like shit
    [}}AraGoRN{{] thanx dude, but i’m HERE and those skanky orc clones are cumn this way!
    [Théoden] aww fuk me, how many?
    [}}AraGoRN{{] i didnt count, wat do U think i am man! a g33k?
    [Théoden] fine - let the fukkas in then
    [Gimli] GR8!! more action in this boring channel
  • part EoWyN^69 (going to the shops good luck all!!!)
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    [Gimli_] I can’t see! What’s going on - where da fuk are dey?
    [Legolas] Would u like me to describe it to u? Or are u gunna to take ignore off - u shortass gronk
    [Gimli_] shurrup man, i know what i am doing - get to killing before i kick u’re pointy eared head outta this chan
  • Orc14 (orcZ@pit16.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) has joined #Helmsdeep
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    [Orc1] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc2] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc3] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc4] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc5] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc6] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc7] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc8] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc9] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
  • Legolas set mode +b orc1*!*
    Legolas kicked Orc1 (you’re dead. killed by me)
  • Legolas set mode +b orc3*!*
    Legolas kicked Orc3 (you’re dead. killed by me)
  • Legolas set mode +b orc16*!*
    Legolas kicked Orc16 (you’re dead. killed by me)
    [Orc10] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc11] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc12] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Orc13] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    Gimli_ set mode +b orc15*!*
    Gimli_ kicked Orc1 (DIE m0f0. I kicked your ugly ass)
    Legolas set mode +b orc10*!*
    Legolas kicked Orc10 (you’re dead. killed by me)
    Gimli_ set mode +b orc7*!*
    Gimli_ kicked Orc7 (DIE m0f0. I kicked your ugly ass)
    [Orc14] fLooDKiLLHuMAnZ
    [Gimli_] That’s three already.
    [Legolas] I’m on 4
    [Gimli_] What! I’ll not let some pointy-ear 0ut-§c0r3 me!!
    [Theoden] Who’s loading these clones?
    [}}Aragorn{{] Who do u think? Saruman - ever since he had that fight with Gandalf he’s just decided to packet the whole network by loading clones, channel by channel
    }}Aragorn{{ set mode +b orc11*!*
    }}Aragorn{{ kicked Orc11 (I slay you for #GONDOR)
    [Legolas] Are you spamming again }}Aragorn{{ ??
  • Join Gandalf_The_White (iam@white.ok)
    Whois: Gandalf_The_White!iam@white.ok :Gandalf
    Channels: @#deepminds #Helmsdeep
    Server: middle.earth.org
    Warning: CaUtIoN IRCop CaUtIoN
  • Join Eomer (heirapparent@save.rohan.com)
    Orc2 (orcZ@pit53.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc4 (orcZ@pit23.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc5 (orcZ@pit56.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc6 (orcZ@pit2.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc8 (orcZ@pit5.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc9 (orcZ@pit12.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc12 (orcZ@pit76.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc13 (orcZ@pit32.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    Orc14 (orcZ@pit16.of.doom.IsEnGaArD.org) Quit (Banned from Rohan: Spawn of Saruman of IsenGaarD are not Permitted in this land)
    [Gandalf_The_White] That will teach them to attack MY network.
    [Theoden] Thanks Gandalf, my ops were too few and too slow to deal with such a number.
    [Gimli_] pffft
    [}}Aragorn{{] we kicked their a$$es you twonk
  • Disconnected
941

Lord of the Rings a la R.E.M.

“The Ring I Love” sung by Bilbo and Gollum
This one goes out to the ring I love
This one goes out to the ring I left behind
A precious prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the ring I love
Fiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrre! Fiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrre!

“Losing my One Ring” sung by Frodo
Oh, the quest is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
To destroy this cursed ring!
Oh no, I’ve gone too far,
I put it on.

That’s me going to Mordor
That’s me in the Eye’s sight
Losing my One Ring
Trying to keep up my strength
And I don’t know if I can do it.
Oh no, I’ve done too much,
I haven’t done enough.

I thought that I heard a Nazgul
I thought that I heard the ring
I think I thought I saw Gandalf die.

Every whisper, every waking hour
I’m under the ring’s possession,
Trying to keep an eye on you.
Like a hurt, lost, and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I’ve gone too far,
I put it on.

Consider this,
Consider this,
What if the Eye can see?
Consider this, the ring
Has brought me to my knees,
Pale. What if I should take the ring
And claim it for my own?
Now I’ve said too much.

I thought that I heard a Nazgul,
I thought that I heard the ring.
I think I thought I saw Gandalf die…
But that was just a dream,
That was just a dream…

That’s me going to Mordor
That’s me in the Eye’s sight
Losing my One Ring.
Trying to keep up my strength
And I don’t know if I can do it.
Oh no, I’ve done too much.
I haven’t done enough.

I thought that I heard a Nazgul,
I thought that I heard the ring.
I think I thought I saw Gandalf die,
But that was just a dream,
Try, cry, why, try.
That was just a dream,
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream…

I was going to try and do a version of “It’s the End of Middle Earth as We Know it (and I Feel Fine),” but it’s just too difficult for me (not understanding all the original words doesn’t help!) Anyone care to try their hand at it?