One of my friends sent this to me after he got inspired on the first page of this thread while reading The Illuminatus! Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson. I wish I could take credit for it, but alas it is not to be so.
The Eighth Trip, or Yod
Sauron strode into the room with the Witch King and his Ringwraiths around. Since losing the One Ring he had been without a great deal of his power, and planned on getting it back. “Has there been any progress?” he asked.
“We think we’ve tracked the ring to the Shire,” said a Wraith.
“Good, good,” Sauron replied. “Do we have anyone there?”
“No,” said the Witch King.
“But we have plenty beneath Isengard,” said another Wraith.
“Then get someone over there!” Sauron yelled. He was an older being, years of dark plotting making him cynical beyond his years. Because of his 20-hour work day, he was more on edge than most and needed to use tranquillisers to keep himself under control from time to time. All of the attempts at locating the ring and his caffeine intake allowed his schizophrenia to approach levels which sometimes let him function in the real world. In other words, he was exactly like the leaders of Rivendell and Isengard.
On the corner of 10th and Brentwood, the squirrel scurries down from the tree. Eyeing a nut, he bolts into the yard and creeps back into the tree.
“The ring must be destroyed,” Gandalf told the council at Rivendell.
“But who can undertake the mission?” asked Elrond. He was an older being, years of dark plotting making him cynical beyond his years. Because of his 20-hour work day, he was more on edge than most and needed to use tranquillisers to keep himself under control from time to time. All of the attempts at locating the ring and his caffeine intake allowed his schizophrenia to approach levels which sometimes let him function in the real world. In other words, he was exactly like the leaders of Mordor and Isengard.
Various arguments were had, when Frodo Baggins, already the ringbearer, volunteered for the mission. A fellowship was soon formed, and Frodo was sent to Mt Doom in order to destroy the Ring. And a young Elf muttered something which sounded suspiciously like, “Ewige Blumenkraft!” though nobody was able to prove this was the case.
Twelve large rhinoceroses, Glorfindel thought as he focused his power to wash away the Ringwraiths and save the Hobbits. It helped him to focus. Thirteen large rhinoceroses, fourteen large rhinoceroses, and the water was getting higher now.
(“You won’t believe this,” the post reviewer said. “Totally unoriginal. Just going ahead, and consciously imitating an obscure author he happens to be reading at the time. Absolutely no sense of decency, either, in making the parody, always asking questions about details. Listen to this one, ‘So long winded, he moved Columbus’ fleet.’”)
“You have one chance to join me,” Saruman the Wise said to Gandalf the Grey.
“You would plunge the world back into darkness,” Gandalf replied. “I cannot allow that.”
“Then you will not leave here alive.” The two wizards glared at each other fiercely, before Saruman began the battle. He was an older being, years of dark plotting making him cynical beyond his years. Because of his 20-hour work day, he was more on edge than most and needed to use tranquillisers to keep himself under control from time to time. All of the attempts at locating the ring and his caffeine intake allowed his schizophrenia to approach levels which sometimes let him function in the real world. In other words, he was exactly like the leaders of Mordor and Rivendell.
