Have not had the pleasure of hearing it sung by Ian and Sylvia. Here in the USA I’ve heard a recording of it by Peter, Paul and Mary.
After “Your Song” by Elton John
Sung by Frodo
It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
This Ring is so heavy and I just wanna hide
I ain’t got no mushrooms but boy if I did
I’d make some nice stew with them, before I quit
If I was more braver, but the again no
Well, I’d told that bossy elf I’d not go, oh way no!
But Gandalf he saw that I just couldn’t resist
And had I not volunteered, boy he’d get pissed
And now I tell everybody, this ain’t my ring
It may hang around my neck, but I sure won’t cling
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind if I toss it away
I’ll give it to Sauron and have a nice day!
But then I sat won’drin 'bout what Sauron’d do
He’d bring orcs and his darkness and much pain, oh yes its true
So I guess I won’t give this ring to him after all
Sure don’t want to be the cause why Arda falls
So excuse me if I just swallow this ring
When I have eaten it then Sauron can’t do a thing
Anyway the thing is, it tastes quite well
And within my bowels, its safe as in hell!
And well, as dr Rieux pointed out, John Denver actually WROTE Leavig on a Jet Plane. Maybe that Canadian duo RR is refering to made the song popular in Canada, Ralphie?:smack:
And this whole Leaving on a Jet Plane debate is constructive to the thread HOW?
(And I´m a dual citizen, so I´m allowed to not care particularly about either side of the issue.)
“more braver”? oy.
The Pipeweed Brothers:
"What Were Once Vices Are Now Hobbits"
Contains the hit song You Belong to Me plus I Can Read Your Mind and It Keeps You Runnin’ along with these gems:
Takin’ it to Mordor
You don’t know me but I’m a hobbit
I was raised here as an Underhill
You don’t know my kind in your world
Fairly soon the time will tell
You, telling me the things you’re gonna do for me
I ain’t blind and I don’t like what I think I see
chorus:
Takin’ it to Mordor
Takin’ it to Mordor, no more need for runnin’,
Takin’ it to Mordor
Takin’ it to Mordor
Take this message from me, Dark Lord
I can find you everywhere
Wherever goblins live together
Tied in thrall and doom’s despair
You, telling me the things you’re gonna do for me
I ain’t blind and I don’t like what I think I see
repeat chorus
(thanks to Michael McDonald)
What Smeagol Believes
It came from somewhere back in his long ago,
the sentimental fool don’t see,
tryin’ hard to re-possess what had yet to be his own
ruined his life.
They muster a sneer for his nostalgic tale,
never coming near the greed in their own hearts,
only to realize they want the Ring too.
It had a place in his life.
Evil never made Smeagol think twice.
As he rises to lead Frodo,
anybody else would surely know
that Ring’s got to go.
But what a fool believes he needs,
no wizard has the power to reason away.
What seems to be is always better than nothing.
And nothing at all…
keeps sending him somewhere back in his long ago,
where he can still believe there’s a Ring in his life.
Someday, somehow, It will return…
It had a place in his life.
Evil never made Smeagol think twice.
As he rises to bite Frodo,
anybody else would surely know
that Ring’s got to go.
But what a fool believes he needs,
no hobbit has the power to reason away.
What seems to be is always better than nothing…
(thanks to Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins)
I Cheat The Dark Lord
The days grow short, the nights are gone;
since Shelob’s lair I can’t go on.
I cried “Gandalf!” to no avail;
now my life runs cold when the Nazgul wail.
But I cheat the Dark Lord, cheated him many times before;
the bell that tolls the hour has turned sweet life to sour.
Yes, I cheat the Dark Lord, and even when life has flown away
I leave the orcs behind.
The rain that fell upon Mount Doom
like blood we shed left me a ruin.
I crawl the night, I cannot sleep;
the strength you spend you cannot reap .
But I cheat the Dark Lord, cheated him many times before;
the bell that tolls the hour has turned sweet life to sour.
Yes, I cheat the Dark Lord, and even when life has flown away
I leave the orcs behind;
the glow of Sting will shine.
Lighted torches stare
at the hobbits there so far from home;
only lighted torches stare
at the lonely hobbits there so far from home.
Du du du du du du_____ du du,
du du du___ du du du___
du du du___ du du du___ .
Only lighted torches stare
at the lonely hobbits there so far from home.
(thanks to Patrick Simmons)
Minute by Minute
Hey, don’t worry. I’ve been lied to.
I’ve been here many times before.
Sam, don’t you worry. I know where I stand.
I don’t need this flurry. I don’t need your hand.
I know we could turn, blink, and Smeagol’s gone.
Then I must be prepared anytime to carry on.
But minute by minute by minute by minute,
I keep holdin’ on.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I keep holdin’ on.
You would stay just to watch me, Smeagol,
wilt away on lies from you.
Can’t stop the habit of livin’ on the run.
Take it all for granted like you’re the only one.
Ringbearin’ alone, somehow that sounds nice.
You think I’m your fool. Well, you may just be right.
But minute by minute by minute by minute,
I keep holdin’ on, now.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I keep holdin’ on, Sam.
I keep holdin’ on.
Seek the Ring and I’ll be gone.
You’ll reach out but I won’t be there.
Just my luck that Sauron’s Eye
May drive me mad ere I reach Mount Doom,
Will drive me mad ere I reach Mount Doom.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I’ll be holdin’ on. Oh, Dark Lord.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I’ll be holdin’ on.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I’ll be holdin’ on. Ring, to the destiny.
Minute by minute by minute by minute,
I’ll be holdin’ on.
(thanks to Michael McDonald and Lester Abrams)
Long Quest Running
Down around in Mordor a half a mile from here
You see Nazgul flying
and you watch them disappear.
Without Sam, where would you be now, without Sam?
You know I saw that Smeagol down along our track;
He lost his Ring and his sanity
and they won’t be comin’ back.
Without Sam, where would you be right now, without Sam?
Well, the Fellowship is central
And on it turns Earth’s fate
Got to keep on pushin, hobbit,
‘cause you know you’re runnin’ late.
Without Sam, where would you be now, without Sam?
(mournful harmonica solo)
(repeat previous verse)
Where Mount Doom’s fires keep churnin’
and the Eye looks 'round and 'round,
and the gold ring is cold and hard
and you’ve got to toss it down.
Without Sam, where would ya be right now,
without Sam, where would you be now?
Got to toss it, baby, baby, won’t you throw it down?
Won’t you throw it down?
Baby, baby, baby, baby, won’t you throw it down?
Where the big orcs run
And the war is movin’ on
You got to keep on movin’,
Keep on movin’,
Keep on movin’,
Gonna keep on movin’.
(thanks to Tom Johnston)
And many thanks to all of you, who kept me laughing for days.
A Barbara Cartland version, anyone?
Artistic freedom? 
Hey, if you have the freedom to say it, I have the freedom to comment on it! grin
Beavis & Butthead’s version of Return of the King:
“Hey Butthead…if you like put on the magic ring and you get like, invisible and stuff, can you still spank your monkey?”
“Shut up, Beavis.”
:rolleyes:
LoTR as a Mentos commercial jingle:
do do do doo-do do dowaah
(We see Saruman and Gandalf preparing to fight. Gandalf waves his wand and Saruman is thrown against the wall.)
It doesn’t matter what comes, dark can defeat the light, with Sauron dark, devoid of life
(Saruman looks anguished, then seems to remember something. He reaches in his cape, takes out a tube (Tube reads “SAURON”) and pops something looking like a ring in his mouth.)
Nothing gets to you, staying dark staying cool, with Sauron dark, devoid of life
(Saruman rises up, waves his wand, and causes Gandalf to do that headspin on the floor.)
Dark goes better, Sauron Dark Lord, dark goes better with Sauron dark, devoid of life!
(Saruman shows the Sauron tube to the camera while Gandalf continues spinning.)
Sauron! The ringmaker!
Kantalooppi, I have tears in my eyes.
- exits, humming *Sauron dark, devoid of life… **
From “One to get Powerful”, by Janet R.R. Evanovich
For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were
simple - I wanted to be a Disturber of the Peace. I didn’t really care about
letting off fireworks, or killing weird creatures. Mostly I wanted to wear the
cape and hat, and carry a cool weapon.
As it happens, the Disturber thing didn’t work out, so I conned my
adventurer uncle Bilbo into giving me a job as a Ring Bearer. I still didn’t
get to wear the cape or hat, but I did get to carry a pretty cool weapon,
right?
However, being a Ring Bearer isn’t always bagels and cream cheese. You
have to deal with orcs and dorks trying to kill you all the time, and until
you’ve stood at the Cracks of Doom, with brimstone and lava filling the air,
you’ve never had a bad hair day.
“I need for you to carry this ring to Mordor, and drop it off in a
volcano there.” I had been told. Problem was, I was currently in the Shire,
and Mordor was clear across Middle Earth. This wouldn’t normally be a problem,
but my giant eagle had been incinerated last week in a case of mistaken
identity, and the oversized albatross I had borrowed from my parents wouldn’t
make it past Bree.
So instead of riding an eagle, we were walking. Now my idea of walking is
from the fridge to the TV, so I was quite surprised to find out that some
people do it outdoors. For days at a time. Like, they do it for so long, they
even have special shoes for doing it. They offered me special shoes too,
but they looked dorky with my skin-tight jeans, so I lost the shoes.
So here I was, standing, barefoot, with a lot of dwarves in a cave in
the Mines of Moria. The only problem was that all but one of the dwarves were
very, very, dead, and the only live one was one we had brought with us.
Part of being a Ring Bearer is that you get to solve mysteries, but this
time there was no mystery to solve. We knew that the dwarves had been killed
by orcs, partly from the orcish teeth-marks in their armour, but mostly by
the horde of orcs outside the door trying to get in to add us to the pile of
bodies. Oh, and the sword that my uncle had given me had just turned blue.
I’m really not good in these situations. I hate swords, especially when
they glow. I’d much rather someone else took care of the orcs,
while I looked after the jelly donuts. And if my mother ever saw me wearing a
blue neon sword in public, she’d probably have to move out of the Shire.
“The other mothers don’t have children who walk around with glowing swords.”
she’d say.
That’s why I was so glad I had the others with me. Legolas is an elf, who
looks like a movie star, and shoots arrows like an olympic star. I like
Legolas a lot. Gandalf is a wizard who doesn’t carry a sword at all anymore,
on account of his eyesight. Last time he drew a sword, our sunday roast ended
up skewered to the ceiling. But even though he’s a couple of centuries older
than the rest of us, Gandalf somehow keeps up with all that young-people
stuff, and keeps doing this complicated finger handshake thing with Legolas.
And then there’s Strider. Strider has long black hair, black clothes, and
very black sunglasses. He always rides a gleaming black horse, and I think
I’m probably happier not knowing where he gets them. Strider is like Superman,
Batman, and the King of Gondor, all rolled into one. And we’re pretty sure his
name isn’t really Strider either.
Gandalf seemed a bit bummed at the sight of all those dead dwarves.
“Well, that’s a pisser.”, he said. “Not that I knew any of them personally,
mind. It’s just that I prefer my dead bodies to be laid out nice in a
coffin, with free tea and cookies - and a viewing.”
But all this was nothing compared to my real problem. You see, my real
problem with being a Ring Bearer is that I lose things. Anything, anywhere.
And not just small things either. I’ve lost giant eagles, at least one
previous Ring Bearer, and even the odd wizard to boot.
So I figure the simplest thing would be if I wear the ring. That way
I can’t lose it without I lose the whole finger too. But my mother would be
apoplectic if her spies ever rang to tell her that I had been seen wearing a
ring without I had told her first, so I simply couldn’t wear it unless I
could somehow be invisible at the same time…
OMG!! I REMEMBER THESE!! And you did an awesome job on them!
BRILLIANT! Bloody brilliant! I love it!
Remembers animorphs as well, and you did a decent job.
parody of the song “I’ve Got Rhythm” by somebody
I’ve Got Precious
I’ve got this quest
Into Mordor
I’ve got Precious
Who could ask for anything more?
I’ve got eight friends
Coming with me
I’ve got Precious
Who could ask for anything more?
Old man Ringwraith
He can’t kill me
He can stab me,
Nothing more.
I’ve got Samwise
Stewing coneys
I’ve got Precious
Who could ask for anything more?
Old man Gollum
He can’t get me
He’s my servant
In Mordor.
I’ve got Elf Queen’s
Shining phial
I’ve got Precious
Who could ask for anything more?
Old man Sauron
He don’t mind me
He can’t find me
Near his door.
I’ve got Sting here
Gift from Bilbo
I’ve got Precious
Who could ask for anything more?
I don’t remember all the words but here’s a cute diddy:
“I believe there are Hobbits among us,
sent to Imladris, from somewhere in the Shire.
They come to Elrond and me to make the 9 Walkers,
Known as the Fellowship of the Ring!”
Hmmm, I always thought that Peter Paul and Mary got to it first, and that Denver just grabbed it in his “Folk” phase. :dubious:
Shows what a moron I can be and why I really need to finish reading the page before I shoot my mouth off. It would also help if I didn’t get off-topic.
Sorry all
I haven’t read all of this thread, so I don’t know if it’s been done (although I did note it was suggested)…
The Catcher of the Ring
By J.D.R.R. Salinger
If you really want to hear about it, the first think you'll probably want to know is how my uncle had to take me in, what part of the Shire I was born in and who all my lousy hobbit relatives are, and all that Red Book of Westmark kind of crap, but I really don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my hobbit parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told you all that genealogy stuff about them. They're really quite touchy about that kind of thing. Besides, I'm not going to tell you my whole goddamn autobiography or anything. I'll just tell you about this crazy madman stuff that happened to me after Uncle Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday, when he wandered off leaving me with Bag End and this old ring he'd found on his travels. That was when I had my adventures, Gollum wound up chewing off my ring and my ring finger (which hurt like a bastard, let me tell you), after which I got pretty run down and had to come out here to the Grey Havens and take it easy.
Where I want to start telling about is the day I left Rivendell, which I went to after a bunch of Black Riders came looking for that crummy old ring and kindof chased me and a few of my friends out of the Shire. Rivendell is this elven city that's in Middle Earth. You've probably heard of it. You've probably seen the ads, anyway. They advertise in about a thousand town journals, always showing some hot-shot elf lord on a horse jumping over a fence while shooting an arrow. Like as if all you ever did at Rivendell was play polo and practice archery or something. I was pretty sick when I arrived, since those damned Black Riders had stabbed me with their stupid Morgul blade, but I spent three weeks recovering in Rivendell and never saw a horse or a bow anywhere near the place. And underneath the picture, it always says: "Since the Second Age, we have been molding young elves with the skills of magic needed to defend Middle Earth." Strictly for the crebain. They don't do any damn more molding at Rivendell than they do at any other elven enclave. And I didn't meet anybody there that was magical in the least. Maybe two elves. If that many. And they probably came to Rivendell that way.
Anyway, when I left Rivendell, it was with this group calling themselves the Fellowship of the Ring. I was the goddamn ringbearer of the Fellowship. Very big deal. I was practically their goddamn leader, if you want to know the truth. We were supposed to be going to Mordor so I could toss the ring in a volcano, only when they asked me to decide which way to go, I picked the mines of Moria. The other members of the Fellowship later ostracized the hell out of me for that decision, because that was where our sad old wizard Gandalf fell off a bridge....