. . . who had the theme to the movie ‘Hans Christian Andersen’ sung by Danny Kaye running through his/her mind while reading this one:
http://www.teemings.com/extras/lotr/hanschristiananderson.html
Merry: What do you want to do tonight?
Pippin: I don’t know. What do you want to do tonight?
Sam: Beats me. Hey, Frodo, what do you want to do tonight?
Frodo: ‘What do you want to do tonight? What do you want to do tonight?’ What is it with you guys? Every night that’s all we ever ask each other! Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do tonight! I’m going to take this ring and head on over to Mordor and drop it down into the fires of Mount Doom! That’s what I’m going to do! pauses Uh, but I do not know the way.
Who’s next, Tennessee Williams? I wanna see some Tennessee Williams…anybody?:rolleyes:
Wow this is a big thread…
Actually, I believe Tennessee Williams was done, although I couldn’t tell you which page it’s on now… I do recall someone recommending the line “I have always relied on the kindness of Rangers”…
People-To-People version
Dear Bilbo Baggins:
Congratulations! Your nephew Frodo has been selected to be the Student Ambassador to Mordor! This once-in-a-lifetime experience will no doubt prove to be a most educational and enriching experience! Please sign this waiver releasing People-To-People from any injuries or fatalities your nephew may receive during his journey to Mordor or during his stay there. We are not responsible for attacks by Black Knights, Orcs, or Balrogs.
Attached is also information on the time and place to attend the informational meeting to learn more about this once-in-a-lifetime trip for your nephew. Bring money. Lots of it. We know you can afford it. Word is that you’re the richest SOB in the Shire.
Yours truly,
People-To-People
Another SNL Fellowship Jeopardy
(Jeopardy music)
Gandalf Trebek: Hello, and welcome back to Fellowship Jeopardy. I’m your host, Gandalf Trebek, and I would like to assure viewers that all of our contestants are now wearing pants. That having been said, let’s look at the scores. In third place, with a new Jeopardy record of negative 13,000, is Frodo Baggins. Mr. Baggins got this amazing score by incorrectly answering the same quesitions more than once.
Frodo: Don’t you think I’m hot, Gandalf?
Gandalf: No. In second place, with negative $12, is Gimli, son of Gloin.
Gimli: Grrrr.
Gandalf: Fascinating. And finally in first place with zero dollars . . . Boromir. Let’s look at the categories.
Boromir: Not so fast, you Maiar ponce.
Gandalf: I really thought that was going to work.
Boromir: You thought wrong. You’ll rue the day you crossed me, Gandalf.
Gandalf: Wonderful. Let’s look at the categories for Double Jeopardy. And the categories are: “Potent Potables”, “Dwarves in the Fellowship”, “Foreign Flicks”, “Things Gandalf Sucks”–what is this?
(Gandalf takes down the piece of paper covering the category as Boromir laughs)
That’s not funny. The rest of the categories are “Hot or Cold” and “Should You Taunt a Nazgul?” Frodo, the board is yours.
Frodo: I’ll take “People Who Think I’m Hot” for six hundred.
Gandalf: For the last time, that’s not a category. Why don’t I pick a category. Foreign Flicks, for three hundred. (buzz) Yes, Boromir?
Boromir: Eowyn.
Gandalf: What?
Boromir: Eowyn, Arwen, and Galadriel.
Gandalf: The category is Foreign Flicks. Flicks, Boromir.
Boromir: Not a fan of the ladies, are you, Gandalf?
Gandalf: Gimli, why don’t you pick a category.
Gimli: I’ll take Dwarves in the Fellowship for two hundred.
Gandalf: An excellent choice, as the answer to all of the questions in this category is “Gimli.” It can’t be any easier than that. As soon as I’m done talking, someone buzz in and say Gimli. And the answer is, “Who is the only dwarf in the fellowship?” (silence from contestants) Gimli, I should think you at least would know the answer, since you are the only dwarf in the fellowship. (more silence) Isn’t anybody going to answer this one? (time runs out) And the answer, of course, is Gimli.
Gimli: That’s me.
Boromir: Dwarf, you might be legally retarded.
Gandalf: I’m going to have to agree with Boromir on that. Why don’t I pick another category. Let’s try “Hot or Cold” for three hundred. It’s a Video Daily Double, so watch the screen.
(On the screen)
Gollum: I’m standing in the Fiery Pits of Mordor, without my precioussssss. I am surrounded by these very hot flames and very hot lava. Watch. (He sticks his hand into the flames and screams in pain) That’s hot! The question is, Are the fiery hot pits of Mordor hot or cold? Very very hot, or cold? (Frodo buzzes in)
Frodo: Everybody thinks I’m hot.
Boromir: I bet Gandalf thinks you’re hot, don’t you Gandalf?
Let’s just go to Final Jeopardy. And the Final Jeopardy category is . . . you know what, let’s do a different category. How about “Something you like.” All you have to do is write something you like. (Final Jeopardy music starts) There’s really no way you can get this wrong. Just write down something you like. You could draw a picture of it, if you don’t know how to spell it. You can even lie and write something you don’t like and say it’s something you like. You’d have to be the dumbest people in the world to mess this up. (Final Jeopardy music ends) Let’s get this over with. We’ll start with Gimli. And it appears as though Gimli has used his ax to chop the podium into tiny pieces. I’m amazed. And let’s see what Frodo wrote. Absolutely nothing. I’m speechless.
Frodo: I’m really hot. I don’t need your chump change.
Gandalf: The money goes to charity.
Frodo: Screw 'em.
Gandalf: I feel like I want to punch you. And because I’m required to do this, let’s see what Boromir wrote. “Gandalf”. You wrote Gandalf. You like me?
Boromir: Of course. I know I’ve been harsh, but it’s all in good fun.
Gandalf: That’s so touching. Let’s see what you wagered. “Sucks.” Gandalf sucks. (Boromir laughs) I almost believed you. I hate you. This has been Fellowship Jeopardy. I’m going home and putting a gun in my mouth.
(Jeopardy music)
LEMBAS, it’s what’s for dinner.
FISHESSSSSSS, the other white meat.
LEWIS CARROL!!! 
A fat little man wearing a waistcoat ran infront of Frodo, waving a waist wath around shout:
“I’m late! I’m late! Oh dear, oh dear! No time to speak! Good day and good day! I’m late, I’m late I’m late!” And with that, the little ran jumped into a hobbit-hole.
Frodo walked along until he can a elf in a yellow wig.
“Can you tell me how to get to Mordor… hey… aren’t you Legolas?”
“No… I can’t tell you how, and I know a Legolas, but I am not he, and I know who he is, for he is he, and Legolas means he. But I can tell you about my wig. When I was a lad, they said I might look very fine if I wore a bright yellow wig…”
Frodo looked at the elf oddly, and continued on his way. Next he came to a garden. Frodo looked at the trees in the garden.
“Very pretty trees! I bet Sam would like…”
“Sam does like us… and we aren’t flowers, we are Ents. Harooom! Sam, yes… we thought he was an orc…” The Ent lifted up his foot, showing a foot stuck to it.
Can’t think of anymore… oh well.:smack:
LEWIS CARROL!!!
A fat little man wearing a waistcoat ran infront of Frodo, waving a waist wath around shout:
“I’m late! I’m late! Oh dear, oh dear! No time to speak! Good day and good day! I’m late, I’m late I’m late!” And with that, the little ran jumped into a hobbit-hole.
Frodo walked along until he can a elf in a yellow wig.
“Can you tell me how to get to Mordor… hey… aren’t you Legolas?”
“No… I can’t tell you how, and I know a Legolas, but I am not he, and I know who he is, for he is he, and Legolas means he. But I can tell you about my wig. When I was a lad, they said I might look very fine if I wore a bright yellow wig…”
Frodo looked at the elf oddly, and continued on his way. Next he came to a garden. Frodo looked at the trees in the garden.
“Very pretty trees! I bet Sam would like…”
“Sam does like us… and we aren’t flowers, we are Ents. Harooom! Sam, yes… we thought he was an orc…” The Ent lifted up his foot, showing a foot stuck to it.
Can’t think of anymore… oh well.:smack:
Suggestion for Katisha regarding your brilliant Gilbert and Sullivan version:
Have you thought of sending it to the G&S Parody Archive?
http://www.lightjunkie.org/parody/mikadoidx.html
Lots of other great parodies there as well.
My favourites: “The Ruddigore Hillbillies” and “I am the very model of a heroine barbarian” - Xena, Warrior Princess
After the tune of Leaving on a jet plane by John Denver
Leave for Pelennor Fields
All my bags are packed I’m tightening my belt
I’m standing outside Meduseld
I hate to leave behind this place of joy
But the dawn is breaking, my sword is sharp
Oh please don’t blow your nose and harp
I am a man already, not a boy!
So watch me climb on my horse
Tell me that you’ll wait, of course
Get my bow and quiver and I’ll go
Cause I’ll leave for Pelennor Fields
Don’t know if I live or get killed
Oh, orcs, I hate you so!
There’s so many times I sang out songs
So often I ate boars with prongs
I tell you now, that don’t mean a thing
In the Pelennor, I’ll think of you
Every orc I kill, I kill for you
When I come back, I’ll smell so don’t say a thing!
So watch me climb on my horse
Tell me that you’ll wait, of course
Get my bow and quiver and I’ll go
Cause I’ll leave for Pelennor Fields
Don’t know if I live or get killed
Oh, orcs, I hate you so!
Now the time has come to ride away
To the south I ride to safe the day
Killing some orcs will be oh such a bliss
So dream about boars that we killed
And fun with spear and sword and shield
About that time, think back when I am gone!
So watch me climb on my horse
Tell me that you’ll wait, of course
Get my bow and quiver and I’ll go
Cause I’ll leave for Pelennor Fields
Don’t know if I live or get killed
Oh, orcs, I hate you so!
Cause I’ll leave for Pelennor Fields
Don’t know if I live or get killed
Oh, orcs, I hate you so!
After the tune of Leaving on a jet plane by John Denver
Please!
I don’t know if John Denver ever did sing it … but that was a 60s tune by the Canadian pair Ian and Sylvia in the 1960s.
Well, John Denver made Leaving on a jetplane popular! SO THERE!
To the melody of “Cleveland Rocks!” by The Presidents of the United States
Gondor Rocks!
Back at home there are such great men
Our king is great and wise
And our Queen is an elf, oh yeah
Her looks could cure hair splice!
All free people cry when the Rangers ride by that
Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!
Jumpin Balrogs and moonin’ all ya crocks we go
Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!
We all know and we do care,
Our king’s hair such a mess
Seven bottles of soap on his shelf,
He should sue for regress!
All rangers moan with Estel on the throne
His hair sucks! His hair sucks!
Greasy, in strains, we love him all the same, we shout
Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!
We got some scrolls from the second age
When greasy hair was just all the rage
So who are we to decry locks
Now Gondor rocks! Now Gondor Rocks!
Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!Gondor Rocks! Gondor Rocks!
NUMENOR!
Have we had a Carlos Casteneda version yet?
:smack:
Obviously you are not Canadian, and obviously you weren’t around in the 60s.
Ian and Sylvia had that song at the top of the charts (Canada and the US) ca. 1964.
I thought John Denver’s was “Crashing In A Small Plane”? (Boo! Hiss!)
Has anyone done “The Sting”? Not only is the name a nice double entendre, but Gondorf becomes Gandalf very easily. Not familiar enough with the movie to attempt it myself, however.
And he wrote it, too.