If LotR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?

[FairyDust]

SAURON
Frodo Baggins of the Shire, get your sorry ass in here! Yeah, you, you shrimpy little Hobbit! You have been PITTED! And don’t pretend you don’t know why! I WANT MY RING!!! I’ve giving you ONE chance to turn it over, or your ass is grass!

FRODO
Lalalalalalalalala! Can’t hear a thing. Nope, nope nope.

TOM BOMBADIL
Frodo Baggins, as moderator of this forum, I am warning you that saying or implying that someone is on your Ignore List is a direct violation of the rules! Cease and desist immediately!

ARAGORN
TB, how did YOU get to be a moderator?

TOM BOMBADIL
It was easy. Since Peter Jackson did not see fit to include me in his film version of LOTR, what else was left for me to do? Hang around the movie set and annoy everyone? So wa-lah, here I am.

SAURON
Frodo, are you listening to me??!!

FRODO
Bite me, o’ Dark Lord.

ARAGORN
Sauron, your minions will have to get past my sword if you want to hurt Frodo.

LEGOLAS
And my bow.

GIMLI
And my ax.

BOROMIR
What the hell. Count me in on this, too.

[Dreamflower]

*Originally posted by FairyDust *
**The entries are indexed here:

http://www.teemings.com/extras/lotr/index.html

in a section of Teemings Extras. It’s still a work in progress, as there are over a thousand entries. Check it out and be sure to sign the guestbook.

I’m planning to submit my own LOTR parody, but it’ll take a few days.

**

Great idea, thanks for thinking of it. Makes it easy to find what you’re looking for this way. Way to go!

Dreamflower

[FairyDust]

*Originally posted by Dreamflower *
**Great idea, thanks for thinking of it. Makes it easy to find what you’re looking for this way. Way to go!

Dreamflower **

You can thank av8rmike for coming up with the index, and Eutychus for adding the submitted parodies to it.

Let’s give them both a hand, folks.

[Nithy]

If Jim Henson made Lord of the Rings, there would be this little puppet who had to take a little piece of something back where it came from, and he would be all alone except for another little puppet, and there would be this old hairy thing who seems gruff, but knows everything and helps him out, and there would be these nine pointy nasty things–wait a minute, isn’t that The Dark Crystal?

[FairyDust]

*Originally posted by tinuviel *
**ym **

This has got to be the shortest LOTR parody I’ve seen in this entire thread.

[bob.stone]

The Ring And I, by Rodgers and Hammerstein

Gollum, to Frodo & Sssssam…:

• Getting to know you,
  getting to know all about you,
  Getting to like you,
  getting to hope you like me…

Getting to know you,
putting it my way but nissssssssely,
You are pressssisssssssssely,
My cup of tea.

Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and eassssssssy.
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to ssssssssay.
Haven’t you notisssssed,
Sssssssuddenly I 'm bright and breezzzzzzzy,
Becaussssse of all the
beautiful and new
Things I’m
learning about you
Day by day.*

[rowrrbazzle]

http://bettnet.dyndns.org/blog/comments.php?id=P641_0_1_0

Peace in Middle Earth in our time

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

“We need more time for diplomacy,” said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. “I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West.” …

[SC_Wolf]

Again, I come to this thread to call attention to work that is in no way mine:
Lord of the Rings, the Easter Bunny’s interpertation:
http://www.lordofthepeeps.com

[FairyDust]

*Originally posted by SC_Wolf *
**Again, I come to this thread to call attention to work that is in no way mine:
Lord of the Rings, the Easter Bunny’s interpertation:
http://www.lordofthepeeps.com **

I’ll have to try later to view that page. Just now when I clicked on it I got this:

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.

---

Is anyone else having this message displayed when clicking on that link?

Now you have me curious. I’d love to see the Easter Bunny’s interpretation.

[Arden_Ranger]

It was working for me last night. It is hysterical!. At last a good use for Peeps!

LIttle Peep Orcs and Urk (“Grrr”). Heh. The Frodo Peep has just huge blue eyes.

[Chronos]

I probably shouldn’t feel guilty about posting to this thing again without reading all the other posts, should I? Anyway, here’s an excerpt from Lord of the Rings as written by Shel Silverstein.

Oh, I’m being eaten
By a Balrog-constrictor,
A Balrog-constrictor,
A Balrog-constrictor,
I’m being eaten by a Balrog-constrictor,
And I don’t like it-- one bit.
Well how 'bout that?
It’s nibbling my staff.
Oh, Job,
It’s up to my robe.
Oh, fnord,
It’s up to my sword.
Oh, dang,
It’s up to my Ring.
Holy cow,
It’s up to my eyebrow.
Oh, drat,
It’s up to my hmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff. . .

[SC_Wolf]

*Originally posted by FairyDust *
**I’ll have to try later to view that page. Just now when I clicked on it I got this:

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.

---

Is anyone else having this message displayed when clicking on that link?**

It’s not working for me anymore either. I hope the Lord of the Peeps page hasn’t been slashdotted by this thread.

[Homer_J]

The Great Gandalf

I’d lived next door to Gandalf for a few months when he sent his butler to invite me over for tea, apprantly he was having a private party with some dwarves

‘ah hello old sport’ said Gandalf ‘glad you could make it the party’
‘no thankyou, mr Gandalf’
‘listen old sport, you dont make much money do you?’
‘not really’ - this made him more confident
‘well i run a business on the side, ransacking dragon treasure, how would you like to take a piece?’
Gandalf hadn’t seen Daisy for many years, since he went off to fight in ther great war in the east, and had now returned, but she had married Saruman. Saruman was the son of landed gentry, whereas Gandalf was merely a thief, a bootlegger, a newly rich.

[jeanster]

[finarfin wrote a funny LOTR parody in the style of Leave It To Beaver. Here’s mine I’d like to submit.]

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Lord of the Rings and/or Leave It To Beaver.

---

LEAVE IT TO FRODO

SAMWISE: You can do it, Frodo! You’re almost there! Just throw the Ring into that giant coffee cup!

FRODO: Whoaaaaaa! (falls headfirst into the giant coffee cup)

[amy_attorney]

Jeanster:

What does a giant coffee cup have to do with Leave It to Beaver? utterly confused

[rowrrbazzle]

In one episode one of Beaver’s friends dares him to climb into a steaming giant coffee cup on a billboard. He can’t climb back down. Hilarity ensues.

[FairyDust]

That was my favorite episode of Leave It To Beaver!

I can still picture the Beav falling into the cup and his legs and feet are the last things you see as he disappears into the cup.

They included the giant coffee cup bit when the movie version was made.

[HazyBaby33]

“The Member of the Lord of the Rings” by Carson McCullers:

“Gollum then led Frodo and Sam to the outskirts of the land of Mordor. Then he disappeared into the moonlit night; the white, Mordor moon. Already Sam was asleep. Frodo lay in the dark and listened to him breathe. Then he carefully put his hand on Sam’s stomach and moved closer. He smelled like a sour little leaf of the athelas plant. Frodo leaned down and licked him behind the ear.”

cringe Oh that is true blasphemy to Tolkien!

[jeanster]

*Originally posted by HazyBaby33 *
**“The Member of the Lord of the Rings” by Carson McCullers:

“Gollum then led Frodo and Sam to the outskirts of the land of Mordor. Then he disappeared into the moonlit night; the white, Mordor moon. Already Sam was asleep. Frodo lay in the dark and listened to him breathe. Then he carefully put his hand on Sam’s stomach and moved closer. He smelled like a sour little leaf of the athelas plant. Frodo leaned down and licked him behind the ear.”

cringe Oh that is true blasphemy to Tolkien! **

Well, some may see it as blasphemy. But you’ve just shown that you have a flair for writing good quality slash! Would you consider submitting it to a LOTR slash site for archiving? You could either leave it as is, a nice short piece, or expand on it and make it a whole story.

Really, it’s quite good. I’ve read LOTS of LOTR slash, ranging from poor to okay to very well written.

If you’re interested, I can give you the link to a site that archives LOTR slash.

[FairyDust]

[slight hijack] Yes, well-written slash can be a treat, I find. Have you read any good Clark/Lex slash you can recommend, Jeanster? I’ve seen lots of pairings of LOTR slash. Aragorn/Legolas seems to be the most popular. [/slight hijack]

I’m not familiar with the writings of Carson McCullers, but I did like what you wrote, HazyBaby33.