If LotR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?

Cafe Society
,
1962

Arwen Evenstar - Tom as a gansta! He’s d shiznit! v v funny.:slight_smile:

** The Dudeship of the Ring, Part 7**

A Journey in the Dark

Boromir: Great, now we’re like, stuck in here, man.
Legolas: (muttering) Stupid dwarves and their stupid mines.
Gimli: I heard that.
Sam: Enough already. Dudes, can’t you both just get along?
Legolas: No.
Gandalf: Come on, bros. We’re gettin’ nowhere man.

(They start walking through the mines. The way is let by a way groovy light bulb on Gandalf’s staff, and a torch that Aragorn is carrying which came outta nowhere. The hobbits start singing.)

Hobbits: He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Boromir: That’s getting really depressing in here, little dudes.

(They stop singing. A few minutes pass, during which they just walk.)

Pippin: Oh, I got one! Ob-la-de, ob-la-da, life goes on, bro;
Hobbits: LA LA LA HOW THE LIFE GOES ON!
Aragorn: Shh! Shut your traps, little dudes, before you get us trapped. And then our lives most definitely won’t be going on, cuz we’ll all be dead, kay? Get it?
Hobbits: Got it.
Aragorn: Good.

(They walk some more. Merry reaches down and pumps up his Air Jordans.)

Gandalf: The dwarves were totally righteous miners. (shows them a mining shaft) They dug up all the mithril and used it to make those little chains that tie the pens down to the desks inside the banks. They’re like, impossible to break.
Pippin: Dude, that’s why we can never snatch the pens.
Merry: Bummer.
Gandalf: They managed to make some way narly mail shirts too. Thorin gave one to Bilbo. I never told the little dude, but that thing’s gotta be worth, like, 10 Bill Gates, bro.
Frodo: NO WAY!
Gandalf: Way.

(They walk some more. And some more. And some more. Then, when they get done with that, they keep on walking. Finally, they reach a bunch of doorways.)

Boromir: Which way, wiz dude?
Gandalf: I’m totally clueless.

(They sit around and wait while Gandalf thinks. Boromir and Aragorn pull out a deck of cards and start playing Go Fish with Merry and Pippin. Frodo and Sam have a contest to see who can chuck a rock the farthest. Frodo lets one rip and it hits something with a thud. The something grunts in pain.)

Frodo: (running up to Gandalf) There’s something down there and I think I just knocked it senseless.
Gandalf: Then no harm was done, cuz the Incredibly Skinny Dude had no sense to begin with, anyways.
Frodo: Incredibly Skinny Dude? You mean….?
Gandalf: Yes – Gollum. He’s been on our tail since we got here.
Frodo: I should of thrown the rock harder then, man.
Gandalf: That’s harsh punishment, dude, even for Gollum. I mean, other than murdering his cousin, tormenting his friends and family with cruel jokes, and trying to eat your uncle, what’d he really do wrong, man?
Frodo: Yeah, I guess your right. Dude, this adventure blows.
Gandalf: Yeah, it sucks big time. But we must continue on.
Frodo: Why?
Gandalf: Uh, I forget. (He looks at the 3 doorways.) Aw, screw this. Eenie, meenie, minie, moe. Catch a goblin by it’s toe. If he hollers, stab him through. Eenie, meenie, minie, moe! We go that way.

(He points to the middle doorway. They all get up and walk – again – and come to the heart of the mines – Dwarrowdelf, Dwarf City.)

Sam: Dude, that’s a lot of columns.
Pippin: What?! No Starbucks! Some ‘city’ this is.
Merry: I was really craving a non-fat mocha latte, too.
Pippin: With cinnamon?
Merry: And nutmeg.
Pippin: Mmmmmmmm.
Balin’s Tomb

(They walk some more. Suddenly, Gimli screams like a little girl and goes running hysterically into a side room. They all follow him. Gimli’s crying over a tomb when they enter. Gandalf reads the inscription.)

Gandalf: ‘Here lies Balin, Totally Righteous Ruler of Moria, Dude of Fundin.’ So he is a goner, just as I feared.

(Gandalf sees a book and for no apparent reason decides to read it.)

Legolas: Dude, this like makes no sense. Why are we just standing around wasting time? We should be moving, bros.

(His question is answered a few seconds later. Obviously, this is just a scene to allow Pippin the opportunity to do something really stupid, like knock a frickin’ skeleton down a well and attract the attention of every single frickin’ orc in Moria. Major fight sequence follows and Frodo gets skewered by a cave troll and totally milks his death scene.)

Troll: Mmmm, Hobbit-kabob.
Sam: Aw, dude, you are SOOOO DEAD!

(Another fight sequence, this one ending with the troll getting kabobbed through his mouth! Ouch. Everyone runs to Frodo, who’s been lying face down this whole time.)

Aragorn: Little dude? (rolls him over)
Frodo: (laughing) Sike!
Sam: He’s alive.
Frodo: I totally had you suckers fooled!
Gandalf: That’s sooooo not cool, little dude.
Aragorn: But, how’d you survive it bro? Like, you really are Super Hobbit.
Frodo: Super Hobbit with a mithril jacket. (opens shirt and shows everyone his mithril.)
Gimli: NO FAIR! If anyone of us dudes has a mithril shirt, it should so be me! Hand it over, half-pint.
Frodo: You wish.
Gimli: You wish I wished.
Boromir: Let’s not start that again.

(Suddenly, more orcs can be heard outside.)

Gandalf: Dudes, we gotta mosey! To the Bridge of Khazad-Dum!
The Bridge of Khazad-Dum, a Reprise

(They run out a side door and get surrounded by some really weird looking orcs. Luckily for them, the orcs get scared away. Unluckily for them, the orcs get scared away by something even scarier.)

Boromir: So, dude, like, what’s this new devilry thing, bro?
Gandalf: A balrog.
Legolas: Bummer, man.
Gandalf: This enemy is beyond all you dudes. Run!

(They run down some stairs and decide to get stuck there to draw out the suspense and allow for some really awesome CGI work. They finally get down the stairs and run across the bridge. Gandalf stays behind to face Balrog.)

Gandalf: Dude, like, you can’t pass man!
Balrog: ROAR!
Gandalf: Like, hello, I got the secret fire, man. What have you got dude? Nothing, man. You can’t pass, so just deal, 'kay?
Balrog: ROAR!

(Balrog steps onto bridge. Bridge collapses and balrog falls.)

Pippin: You did it! The Incredibly Old Wiz Dude did it!
Merry: Awesome, bro!
Aragorn: That was totally righteous, Old Wiz Dude!
Frodo and Sam: Totally tubular!
Gandalf: I so rule, bro.

(Just then Balrog’s whip comes up and pulls Gandalf down.)

Gandalf: You double-knotted my shoes, you fool! (he falls)
Boromir: Bogus!

1963

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Lord of the Rings and/or Goofus and Gallant from Highlights Magazine.
Gallant Frodo grants his Uncle Bilbo’s request to try on the ring one last time; after all, Gallant Frodo has been taught to respect and obey his elders.

Goofus Frodo says, “Sure!” when his Uncle Bilbo asks to try on the ring one last time; then Goofus Frodo sucker punches Uncle Bilbo, knocking him out cold. “Psyche!” says Goofus Frodo as he looks down at his unconscious Uncle Bilbo.

Gallant Cave Troll carries in a large tray of tea and scones to serve to the members of the Fellowship of the Ring because he is a gracious host here in the Caves of Moria.

Goofus Cave Troll comes in swinging with his large club/hammer; as he lies dying from the arrow wounds inflicted by Legolas, the Cave Troll learns too late that it not nice to treat guests that way.

(That’s all I can come up with for now. Anyone else want to add more? Please do.)

1964

Hey, I heard that there’s an archive page for this thread, where all the stuff’s being kept. Anybody have the URL for that page?

1965

Here ya go:

http://www.teemings.com/extras/lotr/index.html

1966

Cool! Thanks very much! :smiley:

1967

Bridge of Khazad-Dum, Part 2

(Dudeship runs out of Moria. Hobbits are sobbing shamelessly while the others try to act brave and macho.)

Pippin: I wanna go home!
Merry: Me too!
Sam: Me three!
Gimli: Dudes (sniff) like, chill kay? (sniff sniff)
Boromir: (sniff) Yeah, like, pull yourselves together, little bros. (sniff)
Legolas: So, like, I’m confused. Gandalf fell – I get that. But what’s the big deal?

(They all just stare at him)

Gimli: (muttering) Stupid elves.
Legolas: (not hearing) And what did he mean about the shoelace?
Frodo: Oh, uh, it was probly just delirium sinking in or something. Best just to forget about it.
Sam: He (sob) had (sob) such (sob hiccup) nice shooooeeeeeesssssss!!! (bawls all over again)
Aragorn: Oh my god, shut up already! Gandalf’s dead. Took the plunge. The high dive over shallow water. Kissed the big one. Kicked the bucket. Pushing up daisies. Six feet under. Bit the bullet. Has gone toward the light. Expired. Is no more. Is of the past tense. Get over it, kay? We got to mosey.
Pippin: (sob) How can you be so heartless! Waaahhh!
Aragorn: Come on, dudes and little dudes. This place is gonna be swarming with orcs before nightfall. We gotta get to Lothlorien.
Merry: We ain’t goin’ nowhere with you, jerk! (sob sniff)
Aragorn: Fine, then just stay here and become goblin fodder. Say hello to the Big G on the other side for me, will ya? (leaves)
Legolas: Why can’t he just get back up again after he falls? Really, it’s so lame. (follows Aragorn)
Gimli: No way that twerpy elf’s gonna go and look braver than me! (follows Legolas)
Boromir: No way I’m staying here alone with the Lollipop Guild. (follows Gimli)
Merry: Come on, dudes. Let’s go home.

(They get up, wiping away tears. They look around, completely clueless.)

Pippin: Like, which way is home?
Merry: We could go back through the mines.
Sam: HELL NO!
Merry: We could go north and take the pass through the mountains.
Frodo: Um, dude, we already tried that remember – hobbit Popsicles.
Merry: We could go around the south side?
Sam: Past Isengard? I don’t think so!
Merry: (thinking) We could follow the other guys.
Pippin: Yeah, let’s do that.
Sam: I’m game.
Frodo: Well, since we’re here anyway…
Pippin: You’re so smart, coz.
Merry: I know. I so rule!
Lothlorien

(They chase after the others and catch up with them as they are entering Lothlorien)

Gimli: Like, stay close to me, little dudes. There’s this way wicked witch who lives in these woods, man. If she catches you, she’ll like brainwash you and force you to, like, brush her hair, and do her nails, and fetch her water, and feed her peeled grapes. She’ll slave you to death, yeah, and you’ll never be seen again!
Pippin: (clinging to Merry) I’m scared.
Merry: (brushing Pippin off) Dude, you’re like way too old to be believing in them urban legends, bro.
Pippin: Naw-huh!
Gimli: Shh! I thought I heard something.

(They all quiet down and listen. They hear nothing, expect Frodo, who hears a voice inside his head.)

Frodo: (to himself) Aw, man, I forgot to take my meds again. Stupid voices.
Gimli: SHHHH! (listens even more urgently, then) Nope, guess I didn’t hear anything.
Frodo: (to himself) But I don’t wanna be a ballerina!
Sam: Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Huh? Oh, ah, I didn’t say nothing.

(Just then, a bunch of nancy-looking elves come outta nowhere and hold them all hostage.)

Haldir: Ha ha, fooled you!
Legolas: Dude, why are you pointing arrows at me, man? We’re like practically related. That is so uncool.
Haldir: (ignoring Legolas and starring pointedly at Frodo) You are in some serious trouble, little dude.

(That night. They’re staying up on some flets while Haldir tries to figure out what to do with them.)

Haldir: Mae govannen, Legolas Thranduilion. I say we take the ugly dwarf dude and shove him off a cliff. What say you, Leggy, Dude of Thrandul?
Legolas: Govannas vîn gwennen le, Haldir o Lórien. I told you to stop calling me that! That’s my kid name! Oh, and I totally agree about the dwarf shoving.
Haldir: A Aragorn in Dúnedain istannen le ammen. How about you Aragorn? You in?
Aragorn (rolls eyes)
Gimli: You dudes are so frickin’ rude, man. Like, speak English!
Haldir: This is our turf, Dwarf, and we’ll speak whatever we want to, kay?
Gimli: Oh, yeah, well… Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul. @&)@*^ Elves and their @^#*(*
Aragorn: Dude, like if you don’t stop that pronto, I’ll push you off the cliff myself – got it?
Gimli: Yeah, yeah, whatever dude. Hey, wait, what cliff?!

(Later on, Aragorn is pleading with Haldir)

Aragorn: Boe ammen veriad lîn. Andelu i ven. Merin le telim. Henio, aníron boe ammen i dulu lîn. Andelu i ven. For the last time, we can’t shove him off a cliff. I mean, it would totally screw up the whole “races banding together to defeat a common enemy” plotline and that would be most uncool. So move on, already.

(Elsewhere)

Frodo: This blows. How come I’m always the one getting into trouble. Pippin’s the one who starts everything. Stupid Pippin.
Boromir: Ah, come on, little dude, don’t be hatin’. It’s all good.
Frodo: How?
Boromir: Ah, I don’t know, man. Just seemed like someone should say something positive and uplifting right about now, that’s all.
Haldir: (coming up behind Boromir) Oh all right. Come on. All of you. Geez. I’ll take you to see the Lady Dude.
Caras Galadhon

(The next day. Everyone’s trudging along. Haldir’s leading the way to their secret home in the woods which no stranger has ever been to before. Geez, you would think they’d blindfold the Dudeship, wouldn’t ya? They eventually come to a cliff. Haldir sneaks up behind Gimli, but Aragorn stops him right quick. Everyone turns to see what the hold up is. Haldir tries to cover up.)

Haldir: Um, uh, like, see over there Dudes. That is Caras Galadhon, the heart of Elvendome on Earth. That’s where the Lady Dude and Her Hubby live.
Sam: (bored) Wow, like, that’s a lot of trees.
Haldir: (muttering) I should push you off the cliff.
Sam: What?
Haldir: Nothin, bro. Let’s mosey. We’re like already way late for Her Ladyship.

(They make it to Lorien well after nightfall. They climb up the stairs. And then keep climbing. Up. And up. And up. Dude, like, no need for a stair-master in this place. Geez. No wonder all the elves have buns of steel. They finally reach the main flet of Her Ladyship. Everyone stops and pants, holding onto their sides.)

Pippin: My legs are gonna fall off, dudes. Bummer.
Sam: Dude, at least you can still feel your legs.

(Just then, the Lady Dude and Her Hubby show up. There’s a faint ethereal light surrounding them. The lights start to flick when they’re halfway down the stairs. Haldir runs over and kicks the generator. The lights go out. He kicks the generator again. The lights sputter back on, stronger than ever.)

Celeborn: Bout time you lagers show up. Seriously. Next time we tell you to get your butts here pronto, you better do it or else.
Pippin: Or else what?
Celeborn: I don’t know. Ask her. I’m just here for decoration. Now, where’s the Incredibly Old Wiz Dude? He still owes me 100 bucks from last year’s poker tournament.
Galadriel: (looking into their minds) Gandalf’s toast. Literally.

(Everyone hangs their heads for a moment of silence.)

Galadriel: So, you’re the Dudeship, huh? Let’s check you out.

(She stares at each in turn, measuring them with her eyes and probing their minds. Without permission! How rude!)

Galadriel: The Dudeship’s about to crumble majorly if you dudes don’t shape up. And I mean soon.
(In her way wicked spooky telepathy voice): No more of this squabbling (looks pointedly at Legolas and Gimli), no more lingering doubts about your true destiny (stares at Aragorn), no more acting stupid, hard as that may be (now it’s Merry and Pippin’s turn). Hold to your righteous friendship bonds (looks at Sam) and let go your inner turmoils that will cause you to try and take what is not yours and completely screw everything up for everyone, bringing further despair to your people and leading to your own untimely death (stares long and hard at Boromir, who has a “who me?” expression.)
(In her regular spoken voice): Go now and rest your little heads. Don’t worry; be happy.

(They head back down the stairs. And down. And down. And down. Pippin gets tired of walking and slides down the banister. Merry follows his lead. Soon, the entire Dudeship is sliding down the banister.)

Dudeship: Wee!!!

(That night. A lament to Gandalf)

Singer: (in Elvish)
*I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard*

Merry: What do they say about him?
Legolas: I have not the heart to tell you, little dude. For me, it is far too soppy and corny to repeat.
Sam: Bet they don’t say nothing about his fireworks. (gets up to recite poetry) Roses are red, Gandalf was Grey, his fireworks were really cool and …
Aragorn: Hey! Gimli, stop snoring dude, you’re ruining the mood.

(Peeved, he gets up and sees what Boromir is up to, which at the moment pretty much consists of just sitting on his rump on a rock and staring absent-mindedly at nothing.)

Aragorn: Whatcha up to, bro?
Boromir: I don’t know, man. That’s what I’m trying to remember. I got up to do something, but then I forgot what.
Aragorn: Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
The Mirror of Galadriel

(Later that night. Everyone is sawing logs. Gimli’s snoring so loud, even the trees are shaking. Frodo gets a weird tingly feeling and wakes up to see Galadriel beckoning to him. He follows her to a bird bathy-thing.)

Frodo: Hey Lady Dude, whatcha doin’?
Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?
Frodo: What mirror?
Galadriel: That mirror.
Frodo: The bird bathy-thing?
Galadriel: (sighing) Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ‘bird bathy-thing’. Will you look into it already and tell me what you see?
Frodo: (shrugging) Kay.

(Frodo steps up to the bird-bathy mirror-thing, but he’s waaaaay too short to see over the rim. Galadriel has to go and pick him and hold him over so he can see.)

Frodo: Far out! It’s the Shire! Wait, it’s changing. Hey, I know that room. That’s my room! But, who’s that in there? Pippin! With some slutty little hobbit lass! I’m soooo gonna kill him. Dude, she does have big melons.

(Galadriel shifts Frodo’s weight so her arms don’t get tired.)

Frodo: You know, this is a totally excellent birdbath, Lady Dude. Got any more?
Galadriel: (under her breath) Hurry up, hurry up. My arms are going numb.
Frodo: Hey, what’s that? Dude, it’s like this big rovin’ Eye-thing. Like, hello, get yourself some Visine, really. (then…) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Galadriel: (putting him down) Finally. (looks at Frodo, who’s huddled on the floor trying to hide in the underbrush.) I know what it is you saw, little dude, for it’s totally been wigging me out too.
Frodo: Then why’d you make me look?!
Galadriel: Shush! Don’t interrupt me while I’m being freaky and psychic, kay?
Frodo: Kay.
Galadriel: (in her freaky telepathy voice) He will try to take the One Dude Ring. You know the dude of whom I speak.
Frodo: AAHHHHHHHH!!! Get outta my head, freaky Lady Dude!
Galadriel: Sorry, little dude. Habit. So anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah – you are not alone. I too have a ring. (shows him Nenya)
Frodo: Dude, trade ya. (offers her the One Dude Ring)
Galadriel: For real! You mean it! It’s so pretty. And it totally matches my golden locks.
Frodo: Goldilocks?! Dude, can I call you that?
Galadriel: No. And you’re interrupting me again. So rude.
Frodo: Sorry. I’ll stop.
Galadriel: Good, now… um, did I already do my weird radioactive freak out?
Frodo: No, I’m pretty sure I’d remember something like that, cuz that sounds way scary. But, um, do ya think we could skip that? I’ve had enough trauma for one day.
Galadriel: Yeah, well, get used to use it, little dude. Trauma’s about to become your middle name.
Frodo: (big pouty lip and innocent blue eyes) Please.
Galadriel: Fine, fine. How bout just a summary?
Frodo: Kay.
Galadriel: Ok, let’s see - terrible as the sea, treacherous as the dawn, adore me, adore me, test passed, fade into the West, I so rule!
Frodo: Cool!
Galadriel: Now that we got that outta the way, he will try to take the ring. You know the dude of whom I speak.
Frodo: Yeah, totally, definitely gotta be one of the dudes I’m traveling with. Right?
Galadriel: We’re soooo doomed.
The Fighting Uruk-Hai

(Meanwhile, back at Orthanc, Saruman is rallying the Uruk-Hai)

Saruman: They’ve totally been hogging this entire movie! And we’re not gonna to put up with it anymore. We demand equal screen time!
Uruks: AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Saruman: Now go kick their scrawny little butts!
Uruks: AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

(Saruman turns to Lurtz, who, if you don’t remember from the books, it’s cuz he wasn’t in them – hello!)

Saruman: One of the little dudes has something of mine that is of no great significance or importance whatsoever. But I’m evil and psychotic, so I’m totally overreacting and sending a search-and-destroy party to get them, kay? Bring the little dudes to me, unharmed. Kill the rest.
Lurtz: AARRGGHHH!

1968

Great job, Waz Up! I loved your latest chapter.

Some of my favorite bits you included:

Lollipop Guild, hobbit Popsicles, Celeborn being there just for decoration, Galadriel implying that it would be very hard for Merry and Pippin to stop being stupid, and what Frodo saw Pippin doing in the mirror.

Looking forward to more, Waz Up!

1969

And I swear to god, someday I will get caught up to you guys.

1970

This just in - on McSweeney’s site - the “Fellowship DVD Commentary by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky” - hilarious
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2003/04/22fellowship.html

1971

Apologies if a Babylon 5 homage/rip-off/etc. has been done, but I’m still going through all 40 pages. ^_^;;

–

It was the dawn of the third age of mankind – a thousand years after the Man-Orukhai War.

The Fellowship Project was a dream, given form. Its goal: to prevent another war, by destroying the One Ring, so humans and Middle-Earthers can work out their differences peacefully. It’s quite a haul – far away from home – with rangers, dwarves, ring-wraiths, and wizards.

Humans and middle-earthers, roaming over two thousand miles of dangerous ground. . . all alone in the night.

It is a dangerous quest, but it’s our last best hope for peace.

This is the story of the last of the Fellowship expeditions. The year is 1332. The name of the place is Mount Doom 5.

1972

Thanks, Jeanster. :slight_smile: I’m glad you like it. I’m really enjoying writing it, but do me a fave. Next time I decide to parody the entire movie - slap me silly.
That said…
Farewell to Lorien

(Next morning. Dudeship is preparing to leave.)

Legolas: Woo-hoo! My lembas commercial! (straightens hair and clothes, holds up lembas and showcases it in classic spokes model fashion) ‘Lembas: one small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full-grown man. Look for it in grocer’s Health Food aisle.’ (phony spoke model smile)
Stand-by Elf: (looking through camera lens) Aaannnnddd…. Cut! Perfect! You were awesome, bro!
Legolas: I know.
Pippin: You so rule, dude! Can I have your autograph?
Legolas: Anything for my adoring fans, bro.
Merry: Me too! Sign mine too!

(Small crowd gathers around Legolas, who’s totally soaking it up.)

(Elsewhere….)

Celeborn: The Lady Dude has granted me another speaking part to tell you that you’re being followed by some really gross-looking super orcs that like to party during daytime and want to whoop your butts majorly.
Aragorn: Good to know you’re the one wearing the pants around here, bro.
Celeborn: Not funny, dude. I’m soooo not gonna give you your knife no more.
Aragorn: Ahh, come on dude. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You totally rule over this elven realm.
Celeborn: Le aphadar aen. Don’t patronize, dude. That just hurts.
Here, take your stupid knife.
Aragorn: (taking knife) Awesome!

(Little while later, the Dudeship’s all lined up to receive their gifts.)

Boromir: Woo-hoo, presents!
Celeborn: Sorry, bro, but seeing as you die in a couple more scenes, we decided a gift would be wasted on you.
Boromir: Bogus! Do I at least get a cloak?
Celeborn: No.
Boromir: Aw, come on! How can you be so harsh, man? I’m about to die. I should at least get a cloak. Give a guy a fighting chance, for sure!
Celeborn: Ok, ok, fine, you get a cloak.
Boromir: Go me!
Galadriel: Alright, Hubby, you’ve played enough for today. Now go home, kay?
Celeborn: (going away, muttering) Miss High and Mighty, stupid little biatch.
Galadriel: What?
Celeborn: (fake smile) Love ya! Kisses! (leaves)

(Galadriel turns to the Dudeship and gives everyone, except Boromir, presents.)

Galadriel: For you, totally righteous elf-dude, is a bow of the Galadhrim, cuz, well, duh. And for you, little back-up hobbit dudes, I give to you the daggers of Noldorin. But remember, it’s all fun and games till someone looses an eye. For you, faithful servant hobbit dude, I give you rope, made of hithlain. Use your imagination with that. And you dwarf-dude, what gift would you ask of the elves?
Gimli: Ditch your Hubby and ride away with me into the sunset.
Galadriel: You know what, I soooo don’t see that happening, bro. How ‘bout I just give you a couple of my hairs, kay?
Gimli: Ooohhh! Hair! Only the most excellent musical ever! (starts singing)
When the moon is in the Seventh House
and Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

Rest of the Dudeship and some background elves join in:
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius! Aquarius!

Galadriel: (wiping away tear) Dudes, that was totally righteous.
Gimli: Now will you come away with me?
Galadriel: Ahh, no.
Boromir: Denied!
Gimli: Shut up, soon-to-be-dead dude!
Boromir: You know what, that was just mean, bro.
Galadriel: Continuing on….

(Galadriel and Aragorn are standing off to themselves.)

Galadriel: I soooo can’t outdo Arwen’s gift. No way I’m shagging you senseless dude.
Am meleth dîn. I ant e guil Arwen Undómiel pelitha. And just cuz Arwen’s all head-over-heels in love with you, doesn’t mean you can take advantage, bro.
Aragorn: Aníron i e broniatha ar i periatham natha methed ned amar hen. Aníron e ciratha na Valannor. Yeah, I know.
Galadriel: Just so we got that all cleared up.
Aragorn: Completely.
Galadriel: Good. Namárië Sayonara, dude. Nadath nâ i moe cerich. Dan, ú-'eveditham, Elessar Oh, and if you break her heart, I’ll have to kill you.

(Galadriel and Frodo are standing off to themselves.)

Galadriel: For you, Ring Dude, I give to you the Most Awesome Light of Eärendil, our most righteous star. Break the glass, and you’ll owe me more money than that mithril shirt of yours is worth. Got it?
Frodo: Got it, Lady Dude!

(Dudeship gets into their boats and shove off.)
The Great River

Day One:

Pippin: Ok, we go first, then Aragorn’s boat, then Legolas’ boat, kay? Ready?
Everyone: Kay!

Pippin/Merry/Boromir: Row, row, row your boat…

Pippin/Merry/Boromir: Gently down the stream…
Frodo/Sam/Aragorn: Row, row, row your boat …

Pippin/Merry/Boromir: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…
Frodo/Sam/Aragorn: Gently down the stream…
Legolas/Gimli: Row, row, row your boat…

Pippin/Merry/Boromir: Life is but a dream.
Frodo/Sam/Aragorn: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily …
Legolas/Gimli: Gently down the stream…

Frodo/Sam/Aragorn: Life is but a dream.
Legolas/Gimli: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…

Legolas/Gimli: Life is but a dream.

Aragorn: Ok, that was way lame, and I’m still bored.
Boromir: Hey, why don’t you little dudes row for awhile?
Merry: Dude, just cuz you’re about to croak, doesn’t mean you can slack off, bro.
Boromir: Bummer.

Day three:
Morning:

Pippin:
10,000 bottles of beer on the wall
10,000 bottles of beer
Take one down, pass it around
9,999 bottles of beer on the wall

9,999 bottles of beer on the wall…

Afternoon:

Pippin:
5,378 bottles of beer on the wall
5,378 bottles of beer
Take one down, pass it around
5,377 bottles of beer on the wall

5,377 bottles of beer on the wall…

Evening:

Pippin:
1,129 bottles of beer on the wall
1,129 bottles of beer
Take one down, pass it around
1,129 bottles of beer on the wall

Boromir: Please make him stop. I think the vein in my forehead just popped, man.
Merry: (looking closely) Nope, sorry, it’s still twitching away. You’re gonna have to take it a little while longer, bro.
Boromir: Bummer.
Pippin: Great, now you made me loose count. So rude. Now I gotta start all over again.
10,000 bottles of beer on the wall
10,000 bottles of beer
Everyone: NO! STOP!
Sam: For the love of all that is righteous and awesome, stop, Pippin, I’m beggin ya!
Pippin: You dudes are no fun. (pouts)

Day Five:
Evening:

(Boromir spies something in the water, and tells Aragorn)

Boromir: Dude, there’s this incredibly skinny dude floating around in the river. Almost didn’t see him, with the log in the way and all.
Aragorn: It’s Gollum.
Boromir: For real? Gollum’s a log? I’m confused.
Aragorn: No, dude, the skinny guy behind the log is Gollum. Pay attention, bro.
Boromir: Oh, yeah, sorry. … So, about takin’ the ring to Gondor.
Aragorn: Are you mental? We’re sooooo not going to Gondor, man. We’re taking it to Mordor, kay?
Boromir: Dude, you’re the one who’s mental. Taking it to Mordor, to Sauron. He’s so gonna catch us, and then we’ll be the one’s who’re toast.
Aragorn: Pfft.

(Elsewhere)
Sam: Mr. Frodo, you gotta eat, man.
Frodo: Buzz off, bro and leave me alone, kay? I wanna mope.
Sam: No way, dude. I’m here for ya, man, always. I LOVE you, dude!
Frodo: I love ya, too dude, but a bro’s gotta have his space. So scram.

(Back to Aragorn and Boromir)

Boromir: Gondor.
Aragorn: Mordor.
Boromir: Gondor.
Aragorn: Mordor.
Boromir: Gondor.
Aragorn: Mordor.
Boromir: Mordor.
Aragorn: Gondor.
Boromir: Yes, Gondor!
Aragorn: Hey, wait a minute! You tricked me, dude! That was not cool.
Boromir: (sing-song voice) We’re going to Gondor! We’re going to Gondor!
Aragorn: Yeah, right, you wish.
Boromir: No take backs!
Aragorn: You suck.

Day Eight:

Pippin: I spy a tree.
Frodo: I spy a rock.
Aragorn: I spy a bird.
Legolas: I spy a fish.
Merry: I spy an Uruk-Hai.
The others: What!
Merry: Sike!
The others: Dude!
Merry: Sorry, geez. Lighten up. ‘Sides, I don’t even know what an Uruk-Hai looks like yet – hello!
Aragorn: I spy Kings of the Past.

(Dudeship looks up at the Argonath.)

The others: Oooohhhh, aaaaaahhhh.
Sam: Wow, those are, like, really big.
Parth Galen

(The Dudeship sees a big honking waterfall up ahead and decides this would be a good time to get off the river. They pull over to the shore where, conveniently enough, there are little dock thingies to tie the boats down. Only they don’t tie the boats down. What retards.
Boromir and Frodo linger in their respective boats, each looking anxious and freaked. Gee, that couldn’t possibly mean anything…
Soon, the Dudeship has a fire going and they’re fighting.)

Aragorn: Mordor.
Gimli: Anywhere else.
Aragorn: Mordor.
Gimli: Anywhere else.
Aragorn: Shut up already, stumpy. We’re going to Mordor and that’s that.
Gimli: Who you calling ‘stumpy’, Afroshine?
Pippin: Dude, Aragorn doesn’t have an afro.
Gimli: No, but he’s got enough oil in his hair he could make one if he wanted to. Dude, don’t you ever wash your hair?
Sam: Thank you.
Aragorn: Shut up, little dude. Stay outta this. Just sit back there and pretend to alternate between sleeping and cleaning your sword, kay?
Sam: Kay. (pretends to sleep)
Legolas: Well, I’d put in my two cents, but since none of you bozos are gonna listen to me anyway, why bother.
Aragorn: What are you muttering about now?
Legolas: I didn’t say nothing. I don’t hear nothing, I don’t sense nothing. Nope, no shadows or threats growing my mind here, dude.
Gimli: Look, dude, Mordor ain’t no tea party. First, you got the Emyn Muil, kay, which is like the world’s narliest maze but without the pretty trimmed hedges. No, instead, it’s got a bunch of nasty jagged rocks, kay? (behind him, Sam is now pretending to clean his sword) And here’s something they don’t mention in the tourist pamphlet – there’s no finish line. It just goes round and round. Second, after that, there’s like this really nasty swap thingie and it stinks worse than a steam room full of funky jockey shorts. (Sam is pretending to sleep again, though this doesn’t stop him from crinkling his nose at the ‘funky jockey shorts’ comment.)
Merry: (coming back from collecting firewood) Dudes, like, where’s Frodo?
Sam: He’s not here?! I lost him?! Dude, I suck.
Aragorn: Where’s Boromir?
Sam: Who cares, dude? We gotta find Frodo.
Legolas: Calm down, little dude. Boromir’s been wigging over Frodo since we left Lothlorien. If we find him, we’ll find Frodo.
Sam: Oh, dude, if hurts even one hair on my Frodo’s head, I’ll kill him majorly.
Legolas: My freaky Elven senses tell me you won’t have to worry about that. But hey, don’t listen to me. No one else does. In fact, I’m starting to wonder why I’m even here.
Sam: Huh? Sorry, dude, did you say something?
Pippin: Dudes, shouldn’t we be scattering in various directions in a mad search for Frodo, thus separating ourselves from the protection of the group and leaving us vulnerable to attack by those way-scary super orcs that are sneaking up on us at this very moment to kill you Big Dudes and kidnap us little dudes, thus forwarding the plot to the next movie?
Aragorn: Oh, yeah, I knew we were forgetting to do something. Scatter!
Gimli: To the winds!

(They all scatter in different directions)

(Elsewhere, Frodo’s trying to get some alone time and comes upon a big narly statue head lying on the ground.)

Frodo: Dude, that’s, like, a really huge head. (looks around) Where’s the body? Now that’s just weird.
Boromir: Oh, lookie, in my totally innocent pursuit of campfire wood, I’ve stumbled upon the Ring Dude, alone and completely vulnerable. Talk about your coincidences, huh?
Frodo: Um, yeah, whatever dude.
Boromir: You know, little dude, there’s like no reason for you to be tormenting yourself over this ring thingie. I mean, you could, like, oh, I don’t know, give the ring to someone else… me, for instance… and just go home back to the Shire-hood and never have to worry about any of this ever again. Wouldn’t that be sweet?
Frodo: Ah, you’re the dude the Lady Dude warned me about. I so think you should get lost now.
Boromir: Let me rephrase. Give me the ring, twerp, or else.
Frodo: Or else what?
Boromir: I’ll kill you – duh.
Frodo: And then the rest of the Dudeship will kill you – duh.
Boromir: Well, then, I’ll just have to skid-addle before they find me.
Frodo: Dude, like, how you gonna kill me if you can’t see me? (slips on Ring and disappears)
Boromir: Dude! Cheating! No fair! (throws a hissy fit and trips on absolutely nothing, knocking himself crazy-less.) Oh, dude, I just did a baaaad thing. Little Dude! Come back, bro! I didn’t mean it! I’m sorry! Little dude?

(Frodo runs for dear life, up some stairs to this way cool look-out tower overlooking the river, only instead of the river, he sees the tower of Barad-Dur and the Eye of Sauron. Dude, he must have Super Vision or something. Oh, wait, it’s just the ring. My bad.)

Eye of Sauron: You can run, but you can’t hide, little dude.
Frodo: Aw crap.

(He pulls off ring and falls – AGAIN! Dude, this is one clumsy little dude.)

Frodo: Ow. That hurt.
Aragorn: Frodo?
Frodo: Ranger Dude!
Aragorn: Where’s Boromir?
Frodo: Uh, I dunno. Last time I saw him, he was trying to kill me and take the ring. Do you think you could talk to him about that, cuz that is a most uncool thing to do.
Aragorn: Where is the ring?
Frodo: Dude, get away from me, bro! Are you all freaking out or something?
Aragorn: I’m not freaking out.
Frodo: Yeah, right.
Aragorn: Dude, I swore to protect you, and protect you, I will.
Frodo: Yeah, and how long till you try to take the ring?
Aragorn: Never! Dude, I sooo wouldn’t do that!.. Um, but maybe you should leave anyway. That Gimli’s been lookin’ kinda shifty lately.
Frodo: Look after the others, especially Sam. He’s so my favorite.
Aragorn: Oh, and the rest of us are, what, a bunch of useless dimwits?

(He suddenly draws Andruil – oh, but wait, that’s still at Rivendell. He suddenly draws his plain old ordinary sword.)

Aragorn: Run little dude! Super orcs!
Frodo: It would be waaay cowardly of me to split and leave you alone to stand off against a hundred super orcs all by yourself…. See ya, dude. (runs away)

1973

I don’t know how you keep coming up with such funny stuff! This latest installment of yours is great!

:smiley:

These parts made me laugh out loud:

Legolas doing the commercial and soaking up all the attention from his adoring fans.

When you had Boromir trick Aragorn into saying Gondor! Shades of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck when they were arguing about whether it was duck hunting season or rabbit hunting season and poor Elmer Fudd was all confused. So of course Bugs manages to get Daffy to say “It’s Duck Hunting Season!” Elmer shoots Daffy.

The passing out of the presents where they start singing Hair.

It was all hilarious, but those parts really stood out IMHO.

1974

Of course, when Gollum took the ring, he floated over the lava of mount doom, killed Frodo, sent sauron to pluto and used that funky eye as a lawn ornament(which means stupid thing on the lawn.)

A series of unfortunate events.(and that IS an unfortunate event!)

1975

Thanks Jeanster. :slight_smile:

I’ll have the last few chapters up soon. I’m having trouble thinking of what song Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn should sing at Boromir’s funeral. I’m a total blank. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

1976

This is a truly evil idea, but I couldn’t resist. Even before I read Waz Up’s request…

LOTR Christmas Carols

Wreck the halls with orcish axes
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sauron soon will grab your taxes
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Men are dying; Frodo’s thinner
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Soon we’ll eat him for our dinner
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

God rest ye merry Shire folk, let nothing ye dismay…

Dashing through the Shire, Black Riders on our trail
Frodo’s prospects dire, in spite of mithril mail
Ranger’s help in Bree speeds us on our way
Oh what fun to hike Mordor, fight orcs and save the day!
Burning Eye, burning Eye, burning all the way!
Oh what fun trekking Middle Earth and fighting all the way;
Burning Eye, burning Eye, burning all the way!
Oh what fun trekking Middle Earth and fighting all the way.

1977

Excellent Smaug. LOTR Xmas Carols!!! That was hilarious. lol

Ok, I FINALLY remembered a song that I can use. If country music is good for one thing, it’s sad songs. :smiley:

The Breaking of the Fellowship

(Aragorn approaches the super orcs and, in true movie hero fashion, begins whacking them one after the other while the rest stand around and wait for their turn. Legolas and Gimli come outta nowhere, just in time to save Aragorn’s keister – naturally – and start whooping butt themselves. Majorly bloody battle sequence ensues, the only interesting part being when Legolas stabs a super orc in the eye and then uses the same arrow to kill another super orc. Sweet!)

(Elsewhere:
Sam’s looking desperately for Frodo and luckily manages to miss being seen by EVERYONE.)

(Elsewhere:
Frodo runs for dear life and hides behind a tree. A tree, people! Oh, but wait. Merry and Pippin, luckily for Frodo but kinda sucky for them, are hiding underneath a tree that is conveniently close by.)

Pippin: Frodo, dude, over here!
Frodo: No way dude. We soooo already did that this movie. I like to be original.
Pippin: (to Merry) What’s he doing, bro?
Merry: I don’t know, that dude never made any sense.

(More super orcs come outta nowhere. Now, considering the super orcs were too dense to see Frodo before, you would think it would work again, but the back-up hobbit dudes don’t seem to consider this and charge out of their hiding place to draw the super orcs away from Frodo, who’s already running in the opposite direction anyway, so it’s all completely pointless.
Merry and Pippin are now running for dear life cuz, well duh, wouldn’t you with a incredibly frickin’ number of super orcs coming at ya? They decide it would be really smart to stop and defend themselves by throwing rocks. Yes, you heard me correctly – ROCKS! Now, considering the super orcs are wearing really narly helmets, the rocks really wouldn’t do any damage, but they feel sorry for the hobbits’ stupidity and humor them by falling down unconscious anyway. Then, Boromir comes running outta nowhere. He realizes too late that neither hobbit is Frodo, but since he’s already made a big dramatic entrance and was already spotted by the back-up hobbits, he decides to do the courageous thing and kick super orc butt.)

Boromir: Take that, and that, and that!!! I SO RULE!!! (blows Horn of Gondor)

(Elsewhere:
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli stop their fighting when they hear a strange sound on the air.)

Gimli: (blushing) Whoops, sorry dudes. I think I ate too much of that lembas.

(They hear the sound again.)

Legolas: That wasn’t you dude. That was Horn of Gondor!
Aragorn: Boromir! Quick!

(Back to Boromir and the little dudes:
Suddenly, Lurtz comes outta nowhere with a wicked narly bow and shoots Boromir who’s in mid-swing.)

Merry and Pippin: (in shock) DUDE!!!
Boromir: OUCH! DUDE! SO RUDE! I’m, like, trying to be all heroic here. You’re totally ruining the moment.
Lurtz: Yeah, like I care, dude.

(Boromir keeps swinging at the super orcs. Lurtz loads up another arrow and lets it fly.)

Boromir: Ok, now you’re just annoying me, ugly orc dude. (looks at Merry and Pippin who are stupidly standing around doing nothing.) Little dudes, like, help or something.
Merry: Help, right… Um, how?
Boromir: Like, duh, dude. I mean, you do got swords – hello! Use ‘em, obviously. How thick can you get?
Pippin: Did he just insult us?
Merry: I believe so, bro.
Pippin: Dude, what’s with the ‘tude?
Merry: Yeah, man. I mean, we ain’t the ones shooting you full of arrows.
Boromir: You guys suck.

(Boromir gets shot again. This time he crumples to the ground.)

Merry: Uh-oh. We’re screwed now, dude!
Pippin: Slice and dice time!

(They pick up their swords and attack, but the super orcs just pick ‘em up and swing ‘em over their shoulders.)

Merry: Well, duh. What else did you expect, dude?

(The super orcs pass up Boromir, but Lurtz decides to stay and goad it up majorly. Too bad for him, cuz Aragorn FINALLY shows up after running a couple hundred yards down the hill for like, the last FIVE minutes and totally whoops his butt, er I mean head, off big time.)
The Departure of Boromir

(Aragorn runs up to Boromir, who has somehow managed to position himself against a tree.)

Aragorn: Boromir, dude, you look like crap, bro.
Boromir: Duh, I’m like on my deathbed here. Give a guy a break. For sure.
Aragorn: Sorry, dude. It’s just, like, you know, hard to know the proper thing to say in this kind of situation.
Boromir: Yeah I know, but probly something noble and wise that sums up everything we’ve been through so far, and gives us hope for what’s to come.
Aragorn: No, that wouldn’t work.
Boromir: Bummer. (dies.)
Aragorn: (says a little prayer)
Boromir: (comes back to life) Wait! I forgot! The little dudes! They took ‘em. Oh and where’s the Ring Dude?
Aragorn: Why you wanna know, man?
Boromir: So I can haunt him – duh! I mean, this is all kinda his fault.
Aragorn: (fed up) Oh, just die already. This has gotta be like the longest death scene since that Prof. Snape guy bit it in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. You know, if I didn’t know any better, dude, I’d say you were fakin’ it just to get out of the rest of the quest.
Boromir: You know what, I was gonna call you ‘my Captain, my King’, but I’m soooo not gonna now. (dies)
Aragorn: Bogus.

(Legolas and Gimli come running up. Gee, where the frick have they been?)

Aragorn: He’s dead.
Gimli: Yeah, that’s kinda obvious, dude.
Aragorn: RIP, Dude of Gondor. (kisses Boromir’s forehead) The Gondorians will look for his coming, but he soooo ain’t gonna come.
The Road Goes Ever On…

(Elsewhere:
Sam’s still running like mad trying to find Frodo, and he STILL hasn’t been spotted by ANYBODY, even though the hills were literally swarming with super orcs just moments before – convenient, huh?)

(Elsewhere:
Frodo’s wasting time by the boats trying to find the bravery to go to Mordor alone. He flashes back to a way inspirational moment that happened in Moria:

Frodo: Dude, this adventure blows.
Gandalf: Yeah, it sucks big time. But we must continue on.

Frodo decides to ‘continue on’ and hops into a boat and shoves off, just as Sam FINALLY reaches the shore.)

Sam: Mr. Frodo, dude! Like, wait up for me, bro.
Frodo: No way dude. You sooooo aren’t going. ‘Sides, you don’t know how to swim.
Sam: Whatever dude. (runs into water after Frodo and drowns. Gee, there’s a smart one.)
Frodo: Sam! (rows back and pulls Sam outta the water.) You retard! What did ya do that for!
Sam: Hey, I said I would be here for ya always, and I meant it, bro. I LOVE you, dude!
Frodo: Oh, Sam, I love YOU, dude! (they break down, and cry and hug) Come on, bro.

(They pick up the oars and start rowing.)

(Little while later, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are giving Boromir a river funeral. They’re doing the ‘act macho’ thing again and pretending not to cry as Legolas sings a farewell song.)

Legolas:
Since you’ve been gone
Well, I feel like I’ve been chewing on tinfoil
Since you’ve been gone
It’s like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, I’m feelin like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I’ve been in a buttload of pain
Since you’ve been gone

Aragorn: Dude, that’s not funny.
Gimli: Whatcha talking ‘bout, bro? Weird Al rules!
Aragorn: Sing the real song, dude.
Legolas: Kay, dude. Chill. Geez.

*I know your time on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren’t afraid to face the Devil
You’re no stranger to the rain

So, go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a’shouting
Before the Father and the Son… *

Aragorn: (sniff) That was (sniff sniff) amazing, dude.
Gimli: Yeah, bro (sniff) that was, like, (voice getting squeaky high with suppressed emotion) so beautiful.
Legolas: Yeah, (sniff) I so rule.

(They watch as Boromir’s boat goes tumbling over the Falls of Rauros, sniffling all the time. They finally loose it as the boat takes the plunge and start balling shamelessly.)

(On the other side of the river…)

Frodo: Dude, like, what’s their problem?
Sam: I have no clue, bro. Those Big Dudes are weird.

(Back on the western shore, the guys have regained control and are acting cool once again.)

Legolas: So, like, the little dudes have reached the eastern shore. Are we going after ‘em or what?
Gimli: I vote ‘or what’.
Legolas: So the Dudeship has failed.
Gimli: Hey, that’s my line, dude.
Legolas: Sorry, bro. My bad.
Gimli: No prob, man. … So, the Dudeship has failed.
Aragorn: Yeah, we kinda suck at this point.
Legolas: So what do we do?
Aragorn: Well, we could go after Merry and Pippin.
Gimli: Yeah, we could totally do that.
Legolas: I’m game.
Aragorn: Kewl! Let’s mosey!

(They run off into movie #2, which thankfully is a whole 6 months from the EE DVD. Woo-hoo!)

(Elsewhere:
Frodo and Sam have reached the border of the Emyn Muil)

Frodo: Why do I get the feeling I’m sooooo not gonna like this.
Sam: Well, the movie has been getting progressively suckier, but it could still be all good.
Frodo: Ah, Sam, like, I’m so glad you came with me, bro. Come on. It’s just you and me, dude. (to himself) At least, 'til I have to split again.
Sam: What, bro?
Frodo: I didn’t say nothing.

[End Credits!!!]

For full lyrics to “Go Rest High on that Mountain”:http://www.lyricsfreak.com/v/vince-gill/82400.htm

Note: I borrowed some scenes in some of my earlier posts. I did eventually go back and redo them myself. Here’s a link to that over at my usual stomping grounds:

http://www.sf-fandom.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=2346

1978

Waz Up, that was fabulous.

Now you can rest and relax until you feel up to writing one about TTT.

1979

Thanks for the praise, Waz Up. I have really enjoyed your Dudes posts.

Then there was the time Marcel Marceau did The Mimes of Moria… :smack:

1980

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Lord of the Rings – the Musical. Not a joke, not a parody, but an actual stage production coming soon to the West End. Truth is stranger than filk.

1981

Smaug the magic dragon lived on the Heath
And owned all the treasure that was laying underneath
Little Bilbo Baggins came to Dale one day
With Gandolt and a bunch of dwarves to steal the gold away…