Mud would be an actress. Not a leading lady, but one of those reliable character actresses who fill the background and give some life to the scene happening around her.
Her recent resume:
[ul]
[li] She’s the slightly past-her-prime athlete determined to keep her youth by showing up the young whippersnappers that she still has the gumption and the wherewithal to beat them in the race down the longhallway, including a perfect swimmer turn off the bedroom wall and a full six foot leap to land on the back of the couch.[/li]
[li] She’s the hired assassin, patient, unmoving, waiting for the political ‘refugee’ (who is really a Soviet double agent’) to make just…the…wrong…move. Silently, she waits, without even a tail twitch. Eyes glued to her target, knowing everything going on around her, but choosing to ignore any other stimulus, for one millinanosecond of inattention would mean that her selected target would get away without ever knowing it was in mortal danger and the world would never know peace while this traitor is on the loose. (Of course, the fact that my big toe is the intended target does not make me happy - I hate spy thrillers).[/li]
[li] She’s the wacky, klutzy next-door neighbor, the one who always arrives with a laughtrack, ready to cheer you up with her pratfalls, crazy behavior, funny voice imitations (imagine both Lucille Ball and Millie from “The Dick Van Dyke Show” as a tortoiseshell).[/li]
[li] She’s the ‘attention-starved’ orphan whose horrible caretaker gives her nothing but six bits of kibble to eat, and never pays ANY attention to her, despite her constant wailing. (She does have two full bowls of dry kibble, most of which end up on the floor, since she is not the neatest eater, and I brush her morning and night and talk to her a lot.) [/li]
[li] She’s the ‘good girl gone dope fiend’ from those 1930s ‘evils of marihuana’ propoganda films. (“Damn, that’s some good ‘nip’ there. Gotta have another fix. C’mon, I promise to give it up later. Just one more. Please, I need another hit of ‘nip’!!”)[/li]
[li] She understudied for Godzilla in a low-budget remake - stands on her back legs, ears back, fangs bared, front claws flailing, ear-piercing shriek. Only thing missing from the scene are tiny Japanese citizens running and screaming in terror (I said it was low-budget - substitute small lizards for Japanese citizens).[/li]
[li] She is the Zen Buddhist nun, meditating in the temple, placid among the noise, her ‘ohm’ audible to all the gods and spirits around her and within her.[/li]
[li] She is the vetty elegant British environmentalist studying the exotic flora and fauna from afar, taking careful notes and samples for future study (she stares at the cockatiel and eats the plants).[/li][/ul]
Oh, and she sometimes forgets to flush the toilet every so often (dunno why she won’t cover up after using the litterbox - I keep it clean).