I’m fulfilled because we have a fulfilling relationship. Sex is just sex. Okay, yeah, I’d love to have a great night of boobies and rug munching, but it’s just sex. I’d love to have a night of eating massive ice cream sundaes and brownies and cake, but I’m not going to. I don’t need it to live a fulfilling, happy life. I love my husband.
I’ll admit, if he were to meet an untimely end (please, Og, don’t let that happen!!), I would love to go back to box licking, but I’m happy with him.
And it doesn’t necessarily break up a couple. If my ex girlfriend weren’t a flake, it probably would have brought us closer. I mean, I went back to her, saying I loved her and even though I had been with that man that I wanted to be with her. She said it was okay, that she was fine with it… and then pulled a 180 after it… I thought it would be the “if you set it free and it comes back” premise… and she thought it was more like “I’m not letting you leave me… I will not be ignored, Daniel!” kind of thing.
But in general, it’s not a good idea if you’re in a serious committed relationship. If it’s just for fun, then why not do what’s fun?
It doesn’t make a difference, really, that’s all. Probably the best answer out of your choices is that those feelings can be satisfied by fantasy, but my real answer is that I don’t have any specific longings for “what the other side has to offer”. Like Serenata67, I think that it’s the emotional connection that is really important - the physical gratification is just a part. My bisexuality isn’t so much a defining characteristic of mine (contrary to what my posting history might lead you to believe - as I’ve just realized how many of my posts here have been about my sexuality :smack:) that I require experiences with both sexes to be happy.
In my (purely heterosexual experience) the amount of variability between partners is vast even without involving bisexuality. This one likes doggie style, this one BDSM, this one to be choked, etc. Even in the heterosexual world, people have to cope with situations where their current partners can’t/won’t/don’t fulfill some part of their sexual fantasies that past partners could/would/did. Sometimes this is a deal breaker, but my observation is that most people just adapt, even if they previously considered the sexual practice in question to be strongly related to their identity.
So I think the Asian analogy is actually a good one. The partner can’t (in each case in a “it’s biologically impossible” sense) fulfill all of one’s sexual desires, so the relationship has to cope with the consequences. At least one person involved is going to be disappointed. That the situation involves bisexuality could either make it more or less threatening to the other partner. Less threatening because the person isn’t a direct competitor, more threatening because the person can provide something that the current partner cannot.
Everyone sacrifices some potential future opportunities for sex when one is in a monogamous relationship, regardless of sexual preference. I don’t see how a person who enjoys sex with both sexes would somehow be exempt from monogamy as long as it’s with someone of a different sex than their partner.
I’m bisexual and in a LTR with a man. I’ve never been with a woman.
I’m happy in my current relationship and don’t feel any need to ‘explore’. For me it’s about the individual. I have never been interested in ‘strings-free sex’, I want to have sex with someone I’m in love with. I don’t have some sort of sexual hunger for women that’s not being fulfilled. It’s just that I am physically attracted to and could potentially engage in a relationship with either sex. Having sexual contact with a woman while I’m with my BF wouldn’t be any different than having sex with a man; it would be cheating. We are a closed unit of two.
This is absolutely healthy for me.
Now with a different couple it would be a different situation, and I’ve known lots of couples that ‘explored’ this way with varying results. I don’t think I would do so even if I had an interest; which I don’t.
I personally feel you aren’t in a monogamous relationship if you are actually considering having sex with someone else, no matter what their sex or gender. And if the premise of the relationship was that it was monogamous (as most are), then what you are doing is wrong.
If your desire to explore is higher than your desire to stay in the relationship, then you have an obligation resolve this difficulty.
Now that’s not fair. Just because a couple decide to be exclusive to each other doesn’t mean they can’t reassess the parameters of their relationship later on. Would you hold a couple to the same standard if they decided to be together and then one day decided to split up? (Certainly not since you suggest that very thing in your same post.)
Everyone has their own boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. Things like fantasizing, watching porn, and flirting would be other examples of things that might upset one person but be perfectly okay with another. If a person seriously considers outright cheating, then yes they are in the wrong for thinking that, but I fail to see how it’s wrong for someone to want to work out a compromise with their partner.
On thinking about it, I want to also add that I’m not suggesting bisexuals deserve a “free pass” or that there’s anything special about us that demands more privilege. It’s up to each couple to agree on what is or is not allowed (whether that’s monogamy or something else) so it’s not our place to debate that in this thread. I’m interested in what usually happens when a couple does or does not decide to open up the parameters of their relationship. Which is a point that’s pretty much been answered anyway unless someone else drops by with something relevant to post.
I was in an LTR with a bisexual girl. I would have considered it cheating if she did anything with a girl just as I would have if she did anything with a man. I did not have considered it cheating if she asked me (and I was allowed to participate, natch).
Just because a couple decide to be exclusive to each other doesn’t mean they can’t reassess the parameters of their relationship later on. Would you hold a couple to the same standard if they decided to be together and then one day decided to split up? (Certainly not since you suggest that very thing in your same post.)