If one more person says/asks this, I'll scream (add your own)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

American: Where are you from?
me: Canada
American (looks at me for a second): You don’t look Canadian.

Excuse me, what does a Canadian look like? I grew up in Canada, I went to school there, I went to University there, I worked there. I took a puck right in the mouth there. I have frostbytes on my ears, fingers, toes, and the tip of um… little passerby… from that time I went skating on the canal and it was really cold. I finish every other sentence with “eh”, I wear a tuque (but I don’t know how it’s spelled), and I eat poutines like there is no tomorrow. And I know the words to “I’se the b’y” by heart, but only after a couple of pints’o guinness.

So yes, no matter what I look like, I AM Canadian! It’s not up for debate, ok?

And no, I don’t say “hoose!”

62

I’s the b’y that builds the boat
and I’s the b’y that sails 'er
I’s the b’y that catches the fish
And brings 'em home to Lizer…

63

Anyone who watches South Park knows that Canadians have little beady black eyes and the entire tops of their heads move when they talk.

64

Oh dear. I have some major plastic surgery to get done to me.

65

You aren’t going to Sr. Ball? WHY NOT?!?!? Uh, because it costs a lot of money to go to the Senior. Yes, I do realize that I’ll never get another chance. No, I don’t care. See, the reason I looked forward to Sr year is because I’ll finally graduate and GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND AWAY FROM YOU!

**Why aren’t you going to on the Sr. Trip?**For the same reason I didn’t go to Sr. ball. Some of us aren’t made of money, but thanks for your concern.
I’d go to both if someone offered to pay for me…

66

My last name is Green. Just like the color. When clerks ask how to spell my name, I say “Just like the color.” Stupid clerks respond, “Is that with an E on the end?” Uh, right. Only when I’m in Ye Olde Englishe Shoppe of Crape. The other (not quite as) stupid question is, “Is that with an E?” Well, actally, it has two of them, but who’s counting?

67

People are always spelling my name incorrectly. First AND last.
And pronouncing it incorrectly, too.

Corrine Stephens
Kor-een Stee-vins

It’s not Corin, Coreena, Corrie or even Christina; nor is it Steffens or Stevens or Stephenson.

I don’t think it’s that difficult.

Ginger

68

So how much do you bench? (upon seeing my arms}
200. Yes, I’m very sure. I remember doing it the same day I squatted as much a few times. You know, having lifted weights for several years now, off and on, I think I would know the difference between, say, 50 lbs and 35. And on top of that, my father’s a lifter, and he spotted me when I did 135 in 6th grade at the tender weight of 65 lbs. Yup, we’re both sure about that. I remember going upstairs to tell my mother. And no, nobody believed me. But then, I wouldn’t believe you if you said you had a functioning brain, so I guess we’re both stuck.

Your father’s a nurse? Hahaha! So does he wear a miniskirt and shave his legs and stuff? I bet he’s gay!
No, fuckwad, he isn’t gay. He enjoys taking care of people. And no, he wasn’t too stupid to be a doctor, he wanted to be in a more personal role in medicine than being a doctor (nothing against doctors, mind you:)). He doesn’t dress like a woman, and it’d be kind of hard to with his arms, but then you haven’t seen him so you don’t know he’s ripped.

So your mother’s a feminazi? So she must, like, not wear bras or shave her pits or her legs . . . I bet she wears pants a lot, huh?
She doesn’t wear pants anymore than anyone else. She hasn’t shaved stuff for a while, none of which was due to her political or gender views. FemiNIST, asshole. She isn’t for invading Poland. She just doesn’t think gender should play any role in human rights. Nor do I, for that matter.

So you’re bi? That’s . . . like . . so you’re what, half gay and half straight? Do you have any homo friends? Do you ever fantasize about sucking another guy’s dick? Cuz that’s, like, wrong, man.
I am neither gay NOR straight. There is a third option, contrary to what you may have been told by your local stupid person. I have lots of gay friends, plenty of bi friends, plenty of straight friends. In other words, lots of friends. I don’t exactly say “no, you’re not queer, you can’t be my friend.” And I guarantee you I do not give a flying fuck about your opinion of my sex life, such as it is or such as it might be.

So you have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do . . . does that mean you could just walk up to someone and kick their ass? Do you think you could kick MY ass?
Why am I talking to you again?

69

I get that, too, and I hate it just as much. And, since there’s a famous poet with the same last name, I’m often asked if I’m related, which also irritates me. (I’m not, for the record.)

Other irritating questions…

Are you guys triplets? Yeah, except I’m three years older and two inches taller.

What do you plan on doing with an English degree, teaching? Well, actually, yes, but I hate assumptions. :stuck_out_tongue:

Your hair is blond? It doesn’t look like it. No, it doesn’t look like it was dyed. There’s a different.

I got this one a lot in high school:

You mean you’re reading that for fun? Has the concept passed through your puny little head?

70

My all time favorite, one I get more often than I care to. I’m rather large-chested, so of course these dimwits have to ask me “Are those real?”.

Of course they are real. Do you think I would plunk down $10,000 for boobs that sag this much? And no, you cannot touch them to check for yourselves.

71

I know a Corrine, but she pronounces it “kuh-RIN”. So maybe people have just heard it pronounced differently…

72

After being introduced to someone, and even some co-workers of five years? It’s just laziness. I will admit that if I just meet someone I may mispronounce or forget their name, but FIVE YEARS?

73

So you’re on a messageboard? I hear those are full of losers and . . . well, you know. :knowing wink:

No comment;)

74

Okay. In that case, I retract my… erm… possibility.

75

I’ve been asked that so many times, especially when wearing a tank top and shorts, which means my legs, arms, and shoulders are in plain view.

response:
No, I drew these freckles all over my body with an brown crayon because I just looooooooove looking like a leopard. I also bleached my eyebrows so it looks like I don’t any. Why? Because I needed to match the hair color you seem to think is fake.

76

My only problem would be with people who spell my last name Gaines instead of Caines.

Course I don’t get into these situations much because I don’t tell anybody anything.

77

Some of these may be repeats, but I get these a lot:

You and your sister could be twins!: Hmm…Other than the fact that she’s six years younger, has a totally different body type, and has a different hair color, why yes, we certainly could be!

You work with disabled people? How wonderful! You must have the patience of a saint!: Yes, I really do. In fact, I would go beyond that by saying that I am damn close to being a god in my own right.

(also in regard to my work) How do you put up with that every day?: Put up with what? (They never know what to say that won’t sound offensive).

sometimes, people just come out with: Wow, you work with retards!? That must suck/be so cool/be really weird/etc: I just walk away from that comment while they stand there saying, “Well, you know what I meant.” Yes, and that’s why I’m leaving now.

You really shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.: Really? Thank you! Thank you for telling me! My God, what have I been doing all these years…

(on hearing that my grandmother recently died): Wow…were you sad?: Well, you know, she was old, and we all have to go some time, and, hey, it reduces my Christmas shopping…so, you know…

(I got this one a lot leading up to and in the months just following my wedding): So, what are the (invoking ominous tone) in-laws like?: Well, they managed to raise a person who, other than my very own dad, is the most wonderful man I’ve ever known, so much so that I am pledging to spend my life with him, so I don’t know why you’d think his parents are anything but fabulous.

[sub]*Yes, I realize that there are plenty of great people who come from bad parents, but I also hate that people hear the words “in-laws” and assume the worst. I also usually point out to these morons that my parents are “in-laws” as well, and they’re perfectly decent people and are loved dearly by my husband[/sub]

78

Damn! I forgot these:

Wow, you are so white: And you are such an idiot!

(I mean, really, would you go up to a black person and point out…oh, wait, judging from these posts, some people probably would…nevermind)

Do you wear glasses because you have vision problems?: No, but I figured my face could use a little dressing up…

Have you thought about that laser surgery to help you see better? Or what about contacts? You’d look way better without the glasses: And have you thought about a face lift or liposuction?

79

This one to a friend from people who have just learned that she is double-majoring in Studio Art and the Pre-Med program: Oh, medicine, how wonderful! You’ll be well-off. Completely ignoring the whole Art thing, obviously revealing that in their puny backwater minds they don’t feel that art and creativity are really important.

From similar people of very little brain upon learning that I am studying Studio Art:
Aaaah… gonna get yourself a rich husband to support you then?
No. I will support myself thank you. A man’s wealth will not determine my interest in marrying him [excluding deadbeat bums], only his personality will determine that.

Oh, so, like, computer graphics?
Yes, you work on a computer in a studio. And you seem to be forgeting sculpture, ceramics, photography, painting, woodworking, printmaking, textiles, video, metalworking, and drawing.

Couldn’t do something like business or something?
Well, I can DO it because I was in the Honors Math track in highschool, am in the Honors Program here at this college, and have an IQ in the vicinity of 145. I regulary receive good grades on my papers, indicating that I have a firm grasp on the English language and its nuances. I’m also betting that my SAT was higher than yours because I was a National Merit Semi-Finalist. However, I have CHOSEN NOT to persue business because I’ve been studying art outside of academics ever since I was big enough to wield a hammer in the general direction of a nail.

Is it true that all artists are depressed and weird?
No it is not true. We do, however, delight in f*cking with your minds and ill-conceived stereotypes by being especially weird around literal-minded tunnel-visioned people like you.

80

Some of the stunningly brilliant questions/comments I get.

  1. “Wow, you have curly hair.” Really? I always wondered what was going on up there!

  2. “Have you ever thought about losing weight?” Have you ever thought about minding your own business?

  3. “You’ve gone to Catholic Mass. What do they do there?” Oh, they sacrifice goats. And stupid Protestants like you.