- Plane crashes would selectively snuff everyone on the plane, except for some guy who has to save us all from certain death, and the evil (yet undeniably sexy,) b’tch who wants to kill him. And we’d all be totally okay with it, because they’re both so damned fun to watch.
- I would, of course, contrive to put a jacket containing a large amount of money… on a kangaroo. Happens every day. :rolleyes:
To you too!!!
- Everything would suck.
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Every time I need to drive someplace, I am permitted to do so at high speed, tires squealing (even on dirt and grass), while everybody else drives in a predictable straight line.
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The textile industry undergoes drastic reorganization as men’s super-tailored suits and sportswear eats up most of the material no longer needed for what becomes half-the-size-and-fabric women’s wear.
- On every block there is a plate glass window being delivered that is right in the middle of the street when you are driving down it. And it is conveniently placed near a flower/fruit stand.
- Any explosion, no matter how large, can be outrun. And if you can’t outrun it because you are crawling through some air ducts, just duck around a corner and the flames will harmlessly shoot past you.
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All life forms, from that guy who pissed you off in the bar to a charging rhinocerous, may be overcome if struck hard enough with a closed fist in precisely the right place.
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Many people would make a habit of carrying carefully maintained, fully functional rare European assault weapons, in disassembled form, in little briefcases in their cars, despite the fact that they haven’t worked for The Agency in years, and left angry and under a cloud, with no intention of ever returning.
- If I got into a shootout (and I WILL get into one), and I am armed with a semiautomatic pistol, I will have a better chance of killing 50 guys with Kalashnikovs than they will have of killing me.
- If I ever get burried under a pile of rubble in a dramatic explosion, I’ll wait for just the right amount of time before dramatically thrusting my hand up into sight.
- The trip to work would involve planes, trains, cabs, flags and swimming in manatee pools.
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Camera flashbulbs will be really bright and really loud.
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The better a person you are, the more likely you will get sent to prison on a trumped up charge or because of some nuance of the law (yes we realized you saved 20 people, but your Special Forces training should have allowed you to disarm those terrorists without killing them…7 YEARS!!)
Damn! Nothin’ pisses me off more than some stranger jumpin’ in my pool.
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Our national courtroom log-jam would almost instantly clear up, because no criminal ever survives being apprehended by the police. However, our prison system is not hurt by this, as they will have a vast supply of deadly, noble, wrongly-accused ex-marines who like to stare manfully into the middle distance.
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The relative evilness of a person can quickly be determined by the height from which he will eventually and inevitably plummet to his death.
- If I loose my job (say…as an oil rig worker) within a single day I will have my own company with my name on the sign and I’ll be walking around as if its been in operation for years.
- I will go off to military training, come back, and find out that my best friend, who is also in the military, fell in love with my girlfriend while I was away. And she fell in love with him.
And then he and I will go off to war, he will die, and I’ll be stuck with my faithless bitch of a girlfriend and his kid.
…Sadly, the first part of that really happened. We all get a good laugh about it now, but man, that shit really hurt after coming back from SOI at Camp Lejeune.