why has he just sent two Jehovah’s Witnesses to my door who stuttered so badly it was getting embarrassing to let them continue their evangelical endeavors?
Eeh, bah gum, the lord works in mysterious ways!
Maybe it was their first day?
I remember when I was in seventh grade or so I had just come home with a friend of mine and a pair of 'em knocked on the door. They’d been riding around all day, sweaty as hell. All they really wanted was a cold drink and a couch to sit on for a few minutes. Laziest recruiters evar.
He once sent me two hot Mormon coeds. Maybe you’ve sinned. 
You’ve got it backwards. The coeds weren’t your reward; you were their punishment. 
I feel sorry for them. They believe that only 144,000 people from all of history will get into heaven on judgement day but there are currently over 7 million of them according to their website. I don’t like those odds…
Especially since I’m pretty sure the Bible is referencing a group of people who went to heaven in one of the stories.
Their odds just got even worse.
Maybe he just doesn’t like JWs??
They are lost sheep, on a journey to find Jesus, possibly one of your neighbors is a shepherd and can direct them.
Nope, I’m sure they’ll find no shepherds on my row. I’m not sure about that guy at the end upstairs though; I see that little of him he could do anything for a living.