Mrs.Phlosphr answers door…Mr.Phlosphr continues eating his Cheerios…
2minutes pass…
Mrs.Phlosphr comes back into kitchen almost in tears because some over zealous Jehovah’s witness just said she (mrs.phlosphr)would be damned to hell if she continued with her sinful ways…
20seconds later…30…40…50…yup I’m fully pissed the fuck off now…!!!:mad:
*most of the time if you want to find them after they have left your house they are already long gone right??? well…
I walk out side and see something that every other neighbor wished they could see… The little JW fuck knocking on the gate of a man who is already at work and who has a nice sized Bull Mastif in deep slumber just on the other side of a doggy door right next the the feet of the fuck wad knocking on the gate…
I hollar over to the little fuck "Hey…they’re not home…why don’t you come over here and explain to me exactly what it is you think my WIFE IS GOING TO GO TO HELL FOR!!!:mad: …come here a sec and explain it to me before my neighbors dog comes snarling out of that door and tears your little ass apart!!!
Little sniveling shitface turns around so I can get a good look at him…he must be a special kind of stupid…A new convert or something…I start walking towards him and he gets in his car. I stop on my front lawn and say through his window :
IF I SO MUCH AS SEE YOUR WIFE-BEATING-CHILD-HITTING, NON-HOLLIDAY CELEBRATING-FUCKED UP ASS ANYWHERE NEAR THIS NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN I’LL COME DOWN TO THAT KINGDOM HALL AND BEAT YOU INTO NEXT FUCKING WEEK!!!
**I am all for freedom of religion…But when you show up on my front porch and tell my wife she’s going to hell at 8 in the morning!!! He’s lucky I’m a pacifist and I only gave him a verbal slaughter…fuckhead
Are you on good terms with your neighbor’s dog? Too bad you couldn’t have slipped into their yard and opened the mastiff’s door! (After first dropping a juicy steak down the pants of the witnesser)
Thank the godesses, I’ve never had one of these butt-clenching fucktards ring my doorbell.
If I ever do, I am fully prepared to strip and answer the door stark naked, wearing a Birthday party hat and holding my vibrator. (Sure, come on in and tell me why I’m going to hell!)
Nice rant. Shoulda let the dog take a piece of him, though.
But I’m trying to figure out how your wife could possibly take him seriously enough to get upset.
Witness:Hi! Mind if I talk to you about the Lord? Blah, blah, blah, yakity-schmakity, Jesus loves you thiiiis much.
Wife: Uhhh, I’m not really interested.
Witness: You’re going to HELL!!!
Wife: Sez you. Get off my property before I have my husband shove that Bible up your scrawny ass.
Well Kamandi I asked Mrs.P that very thing when I went back inside and I guess the best way I can sum it up is that she was feeling especially …sensitive…yesterday morning.
Also, I understand the guy was glaring at her and basically just being a pushy fucker…
Mrs.P is usually a very strong woman…thats one of the reasons I married her…but that yesterday she was just a bit off. This leech took right advantage of her. So help me if I see him again…
I wish the neighbors dog was out…Damn!
*Why are JW’s so fucking pushy with the hell thing and the advocation of ludicrous ideas…?
Am I the only one who thought that showing up at Honey’s house pretending to be a JW would be a lot of fun after that statement?
Seriously, though Phlosphr, that sucks. I’m not sure what he could have said to so upset your wife, but some of the JW’s I’ve ended up having to talk to have been really quite vile and unfriendly if you tell them you’re not interested. If you’re lucky, he won’t come back.
[sub]We shoot every third religious fanatic,
and the second one just left[/sub]
I can’t believe this - someone came, uninvited, to your door, and told your wife she was going to go to Hell, Phlosphr? That is un-freakin-believable. I had some JWs at my door just this Saturday; I politely declined their invitation to hear some “really good news”, shut the door, and they went away. If they had started talking about me going to Hell at any point, I suspect there would have been yelling and door slamming, by either Jim or myself (I believe the phrase “Get the **** off my front porch” may come out of my non-cussing mouth).
This loser at your door must have been new, like you said; the JW organization must know that pulling that kind of stunt on people’s doorsteps is just going to get their people beat up and yelled at.
About three years ago some Jehovas Witnesses came to our house. I was the only one home and 17 at the time, and when they rang the doorbell, I was still asleep but I managed to get up and see who was at the door, figuring it would be a neighbor with something kind of important. It was cool going to the door all messed up having just gotten up, but I realized afterward that, even though I’d put some pants on, the fly was open. Wide open.
The coolest thing is that they were about my age too.
I remember Johnny Carson had a segment once on “Statements You Will Never Hear” or something like that. One of them was “Put another pot of coffee on Ethel, the Jehovah’s Witnesses are here!”
I wonder if you could use them to do basic housework? Like, “Sure, come on in, I’d love to hear about god. While we talk, would you mind rinsing those dishes? I’m going to fold this laundry.” Then zone out.
The mormons see fit to send 14 girls to my door. i tell them that as a condition of my plea-bargain, im not allowed to talk to them (they always look a little puzzled, and i tell them to ask their folks about it, but they always come back!)
if the jehovas come, i enthusiasticly offer to talk to them about Amway!
(or was that threaten extreme physical violence? i don’t recall)
I scream, you scream, we all denounce Jesus for Ice Cream!
I was in San Jose on business last week, and was accosted by some kind of evangelical Christian, the first time in a long while. I found simple, unswerving, statements of my beliefs as facts can work both ways.
ec: Excuse me sir!
me: Yes?
ec: Have you given your heart to Jesus Christ?
me: No, I’m not a Christian.
ec: Do you want to go to Hell?
me: I’m not going to Hell, there is no such place.
ec: What do think is going to happen to you after you die?
me: They’re going to put my dead body in the ground, and I will rot away.
ec: What about your soul?
me: I have no soul. Neither do you, or my friend here. Souls do not exist.
ec: [she seems unsure what to do or say for a moment, then tries to hand some piece of paper] I want to invite you to attend my church this Sunday!
me: Thanks, but why on Earth would I want to attend a church? I’m. Not. A. Christian.
