If TV Shows and Movies Had Honest Titles

Cafe Society
41

Will & Grace becomes “Asexual Boy Meets Boy- but doesn’t do anything- because he’s Asexual- with special guest stars Gene Wilder and Harry Connick”

Chris Rock show becomes The “If a loud black guy says it with lots of profanity, it must be funny!” Show

Dennis Miller Show becomes “The With Obscure References and a Smirk You Don’t Need People Skills or Actual Knowledge” Variety Show

INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO becomes “Oh, God, I Wish I Was You Instead of a Nerdy Never-Was Pedagogue: the Series” (or “The More Sucking Up and Ass Licking Per Hour Than You’ll Find in a Thousand Porn Films Interview Show”).

42

Whew! I’m not the only person who noticed this. Still, she’s kinda hot.

43

TV Shows:

Friends - The Thirty Minute Thirty-Something Whine-A-Thon

Will & Grace - Two 'Mos and a Girl

Fastlane - Fast and The Furious: The Series

Survivor, Joe Millionare, any reality show - Psychotic Pretty People with Nothing Else Going On in Their Lives

The X-Files - How My Partner and I Wasted Milliones of US Tax Dollars

The Osbournes - The Aging Rock God Turned Laughing Stock Show

44

Quincy -> Soapbox of the Week

45

Xena:Warrior Princess - Endless Lesbian Subtext That Never Gets Resolved and Sword Battles Where No One Ever Gets Killed Or Even Cut Enough To Bleed Even Just A Little Bit

46

Insomniac-Drunks of America

47

Honest titties. Any TV show or movie could use some honest titties.

48

American Chopper: “You Think YOUR Father is a Bossy Jerk, Look at THIS Guy!”

49

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone becomes “Three wizard kids break school rules to try and defeat Hitler-like psychotic.”

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: “Three wizard kids break school rules to try and defeat Hitler-like psychotic. With a special appearance by a Jar Jar-type character thrown in for comic relief.”

50

Speed 2: This Time, It’s a Boat.

Mouse Hunt: Poop and Vomit for Kids.

Mulholland Dr.: Stay Tuned for Hot Lesbian Sex Scene.

51

American Pie I-III: Because You’re Too Young To Remember Porky’s.

52

The Larry Sanders Show: Doesn’t Hold Up in Syndication

It’s Gary Shandling’s Show: Better than Larry Sanders

Maternity Ward: C-Sections Caught on Tape!

Ask This Old House: I Just Bought A $500,000 Townhome and I Can’t Deal with a Running Toilet

King of Queens: Ass-licious Hottie Marries Overweight White Man

The Mary Tyler Moore Show: Fear of Committment Drives Woman to Move to Minneapolis

Will and Grace: Fear of Committment Drives Woman to Cling to New York’s Only Celibate Gay Man

53

Battlefield Earth becomes A Collosal Waste of Money, Film and Other Precious Resources. Other possible titles:

[ul]
[li]Things the Y2K Experts Didn’t Tell Us Would Happen in the Year 2000 (referring to the movie’s release, not the events in the movie).[/li][li]John Travolta’s Pet Project[/li][li]The World Viewed at a 15-Degree Tilt[/li][/ul]

54

>>>Virtually Any Sitcom’s Name Here<<< becomes Recycled “I Love Lucy” Plots.

55

Andromeda becomes Hercules in Space.

Enterprise becomes A new group of actors recycle the same material we’ve already presented in three other shows.

Any sitcom ever made becomes Hillarity ensues when people misunderstand each other and go to great lengths to avoid a simple clarification that would avoid all this crap.

56

Chimera, you are, officially, “the Man.”

Kudos, sir. Kudos!

57

Star Trek: Voyager becomes “Hot Borg in Catsuit”

58

Snooooopy - loved the CSI titles - hilarious.

Now here are some of mine:

I Love the 70’s = “God, are ratings su…what? Someone actually watched I Love the '80’s!!!”

Alias - “The Adventures of the New Sporty Spice” or “Excuses to See the Amazingly Hot Jennifer Garner Kicking Ass in Kinky Outfits”

24 - “A Paper-thin Plot, A Real Man, and Kim Running”

59

Friends -> Contractually Obligated Business Partners
Ironside -> Liberals on Wheels
The A Team -> The Improbable Acquaintances have Improbable Adventures Involving Improbable Inventions, Probably
Will and Grace -> Jack and Karen
My So-Called Life -> The Ricky and Rayanne Show
24 -> 18ish Not Counting Commercial Breaks
La Femme Nikita -> Huh? Pretty Girl! Huh?
Lexx -> Sexx

60

The Blair Witch Project -> If You’re Gullible Enough To Have Believed Our Website…

The Hulk -> Heh…We Sorta Forgot To Include A Plot.

Dude, Where’s My Car? -> Well, What Did You Expect—A Taut Psychological Thriller Or Something?

Someone Like You -> Hugh Jackman Takes His Shirt Off A Lot.

House Of 1000 Corpses -> Just Cover Your Eyes And Then Tell Your Friends You Were Laughing The Whole Time.