Three buttons, and they never consider touching any of them.
They are “Start Brew”, “Lower Burner on/off”, and “Upper Burner on/off”
So you get:
a burner on, with no pot on it.
a burner on, with an empty pot on it. (Sometimes tipped on an angle, like that’s not just as stupid)
a burner on, with 1/4 cup of coffee turning to sludge
a fresh pot of coffee sitting on a cold burner.
all the parts spread out, as an obvious “hint” that someone should put them together to make coffee. (Everyone in the wing is at the same grade level. We have no elves or designated drudges)
all the parts are assembled, and fresh coffee grounds are in the strainer, but the “Start Brew” button hasn’t been pushed.
How do they make coffee at home? They aren’t all living with others, and even if they were, wouldn’t they get the hang of it after seeing it only once?
We require all Techs, engineers and salespersons to take a test for a “coffee making license”.
Much like you, I come into work to see pots of sludge, pots of fried, dried coffee, and then the ubiquitous pot of coffee with 18 scoops of grounds in the basket!
What the fuck? when I pull out the basket, and I see grounds all the way to the top of the filter, there’s a fucking problem.
Are your tastebuds fried? The nerves in your stomach dead? numb? Do you just add another pull of coffee to a previously-brewed pot?
Seriously people, get a fucking clue! We pay you in upwards of 100k a year and you can’t even figure out how to make a pot of coffee consumable by humans?
Idiots. [shakes head and wanders off with a look of severe disappointment]
Years ago, post #2 is how I solved the problems associated with post #1.
As in: “What’s that? You didn’t have TIME to finish making that pot of coffee? And that’s why you left 1/4 cup sitting on the burner? Fine then. I’m going to make coffee MY way. Ya don’t like it? Then make your own the next time you finish off the pot!”
I don’t know how to make a pot of coffee. I don’t drink the vile stuff, though I could make you a lovely pot of tea. So if I didn’t make coffee to your specifications, you’d assume I was an idiot? That seems kind of harsh.
I think the post was for those assholes who drink coffee by the boat loads but refuse to make it or refuse to follow through and make it correctly. These sorts of people think that the whole frigging world is out there to wait on them… Personally after years and years of making pot after pot of coffee for my mother and family I have forgotten how. Kind of the same way that I forget peoples names that I don’t like.
Now, I only drink espresso that I pay and tip someone else to make, instant coffee or tea.
Being someone else’s coffee slave because they are too lazy, inconsiderate or stupid to make their own insanely annoying.
There’s one woman in the office (not in our department) who makes coffee with two or three filters. She says it makes the coffee “smoother”. But what it really does is make it incredibly weak. She only drinks one cup, but she makes a whole pot.
When we come in after she’s been there, we dump her coffee and make a pot with one filter and two pulls of the coffee dispenser. Nice’n’strong. We drink nearly the whole pot, so people who don’t like coffee that strong aren’t troubled with it (and there’s another pot of one-filter, one-pull coffee on the other burner).
If we’re in a hurry, we can live with one pull of coffee brewed with one filter. But the two or three filter kind is aweful! I wonder why she doesn’t just put some hot water in normal coffee?
But seriously, I used to play golf with my brother in law every Saturday morning and when I arrived there would always be a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. It was the weakest most vile brew I have ever tasted and it was lighter than tea. One morning I arrived to have no coffee ready so took it upon myself to make some. When I pulled the coffee out I noted that they purchased good coffee so I wondered how it be so bad. I put six generous scoops of coffee in the basket and hit the start switch. My brother in law came out and poured himself a coffee. He raved about how good it was and asked me what I did to it. I merely told him how much coffee I had used. I found out that he had been brewing twelve cups of coffee with a scoop and a half of coffee…
This must come from people who think the filters are re-usable. They just keep putting fresh coffee in the previously-used filter and make more coffee. Some people also do this, using less and less coffee each time, because they think it saves money to re-use the grounds. Yuck.
Feynn wrote:
I remember reading (in Consumer Reports, I think) that the reason people like “restaurant” coffee better than coffee at home is that at home people use too little coffee (the grounds) for brewing, while in restaurants, they use pre-measured amounts of coffee, resulting in stronger, and therefore better-tasting coffee.
You’d probably hate me then. I can fix an NT or Unix network and optomize an Oracle Database. But damn if I can send a fucking fax, I always have to ask the office temp how to make the damn thing work. If it wasn’t for the free pop machine with lots of Mountain Dew I would most likely be screwing up the coffee machine too.
I think they just add pull after pull to the basket till I get there and retch.
So no, assholes, it’s got nothing to do with me being “too lazy” to make my own fuckin pot. However, cretin, if I pour a cup of coffee, which by definition should be palatable, and sludge drips oout of the fuckin pot cause you, or them is Too fucking lazy to make another basket of coffee for the next pot, then you, my friend are the offender, and the asshole.
Making good coffee may be a bit complicated to even executives who don’t have time. But I will hold in contempt anyone who cannot make tea!!! May they go out of business!!!
The coffee at my workplace is piped up to my floor from the dredges of leechade beneath my building. We can’t even control what strength of coffee we get.
I’ve actually been at houses where I watch the host or hostess make coffee, and notice that they didn’t put any NEW coffee in the filter. When asked, they said that the grounds were good to be used 2 or 3 times.
Yuck!
And that’s when I pass on the coffee.
I can’t share any stories about bad coffee makers at work, since I’ve always worked in restaraunts and bars, and we all know how to make coffee.
What everyone seems to have forgotten is the asshole who gets the last cup, but deliberately leaves 3 oz. of coffee in the pot so he won’t have to make more. As if the piddly amount he left is really enough for one more cup. Jerk. You’re not fooling anyone.
Make however many pots people usually make of coffee, only use ALL DECAF. Watch the levels in the pots, and be the busy coffee making bee - keep refilling everything with decaf without people knowing - watch as they drink cup after cup in a vain attempt to wake themselves from their morning torpor. Buy your coffee elsewhere.
Do this for at least 3 weeks, and watch as your Cow-orkers suffer from caffeine withdrawal.
All of a sudden, go back to strong caffeinated coffee. Watch everyone have the jitters.
Repeat any time you feel like fucking with people.
you guys actually need an electric appliance to make coffee? hell, all i need is a mellitta (sorry about the spelling) cone and filter, thermos, and hot water…well, and coffee grounds, which i might need an appliance for. i can make some of the best damn coffee that way. the coffee stays warms and there’s very little to clean up. would i ever drink coffee made by someone at work? absolutely not. (hell, i’d still be a barista if the pay wasn’t so shitty. never ceases to amaze me how difficult people thought pulling espresso is. i’d laugh and tell them that’s why i was paid minimum wage.) of course, if there weren’t an electric appliance there, then your coworkers would be even more confused. there would be too little there; it would be too simple.
they should really put a warning label on some items:
That’s why I stopped drinking coffee at work. Because of all the idiotic coffee Nazis like you people! “Who didn’t make the coffee exactly how I like it?” “Who’s turn is it to buy creamer?” “Who drank the last cup and didn’t start a new pot?” Fuck, if I wanted to hear someone bitch all day, I would’ve stayed married to my ex! Why don’t you little coffee-bitches just toss the pot out if it’s bad and make a new pot? Better yet, why don’t you get your own min-pot and put it in your little cubicle and shut the fuck up? No, I Don’t want to contribute to the fuckin’ coffee fund, leave me the hell alone!