Every motherfuckin’ day it is the same thing.
It’s too cold
Too hot
Too thin
Too strong
Not enough
Coffee maker is broken.
…every fucking day. Stop whinning all day long. Buy a new maker!! Make your own coffee, make a chart for people to make it, I don’t know but stop complaining!!!
If it’s so hard to make decent coffee just buy instant!
Maybe you should bring her a coffee in the morning.
I thought you guys drank tea.
Just to clarify, this happens at work. You is my co-workers at the coffee room.
I thought you were talking about my EX. She became the inspiration for Goldielocks. Minus the just right part.
Yep. The coffee drinkers in my workplace are the same way. They’ve even got instructions written above the coffee pot now so it can’t be made wrong, which, ahem happened after that little incident where I - the sole non-coffee-drinker in the place - saw the pot empty and decided to be nice and make them a new pot.
Never having made one before… I put the paper in the top, and then filled it with coffee. Yes. FILLED IT. That’s why it’s so big, right?
Oops.
I’m not allowed to make coffee anymore. 
Seeing as how you think that instant is as good as brewed, I’d guess that you aren’t a coffee drinker. If you aren’t in charge of making the coffee, just enjoy the Schadenfreude as you realize that their day has already started bad over something that minor…so it will get worse.
got caffeine? it’s all good.
Making coffee but you have no sugar?
Did you know that if you try making coffee with Sprite rather than plain water its not quite the same thing?
For extreme definitions of “not quite”.
Can I complain about all coffee because it’s all shit to me 
How can something that smells so good taste so bad?
Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!
That sounds like a very good idea. Did you know using last night’s tea to make coffee is another one of those ideas that sound really good until you try it?
Real men drink tea.
I’m sure, I’ve been told, that instant is not nearly as good, but if every morning I had to chop my testicles off every morning because the brewing wasn’t 100% perfect, I’d settle for the lesser yet trusty variety.
I’ll got for Schadenfreude.
Cheer up. They are only complaining about the coffee. If they got that fixed, they would have to move on to something else about which to complain and it could always turn out to be you.
Where I use to work were we had a coffee machine. There was explicit instructions: Four full scoops. Fill pot. The head chemist Ed, could tell if any deviation from the recipe had taken place, and there would be hell to pay.
The group I work with now I no longer even volunteer to take lunch orders from. Bunch of kooks have to make it so complicated.
eg.
Hey Dick we’re picking up big salads from the deli down the street, something fast to pick up, do you want a salad ?
Dick: No, but here’s 15$. Can you get me a burger platter ?
No DICK . We can’t.
Confused angry face ensues.
The easiest solution to the OP’s problem is for the workplace to–some of you may want to grap yourself a cup of your favorite liquid for this–to ban coffeepots. No coffeepot = no issues on making it = no complaints about the stuff being made incorrectly.
For those who can’t make it through half the workday without jonesing for some java, they can invest in one of those nifty bottles that keep stuff hot and bring it from home. Another solution is for them to get used to drinking cold coffee and bringing in those small cans or bottles of coffee such as Georgia Coffee or the Starbucks stuff.
Please don’t let me make this a Keurig/Tassimo debate or discussion but one place I worked we had a Keurig. It ended the whole who made it right or wrong, who didn’t refill, who isn’t kicking in for a coffee fund, etc.
That was heavenly.
On the other hand I still had problems with staff doing a coffee run to Tim Horton’s across the street. I actually love working in facilities that have no quick nearby places for people to “take 5 minutes” and “grab something.”
Well, it could be worse. I recall both Army and Navy workcenters where I was assigned not only having “coffee messes” but also having them inspected on a daily basis. Screw that noise. Bring your own damn coffee in.