If you can't say anything nice, then SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

It’s not a recent thing, but it’s something I really gotta know.

Why is it when someone gets on the board or any other online venue for just talking about thier lives, someone’s gotta jump in there and attack them for no fucking reason? My ex-girlfriend recently got a whole bunch of “Quit being a fucking whiner” posts to her online journal, and in this thread:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=120159

two little fuckshits go out of their way to call somone a vast number of horrible things for no reason. Both venues are used as a means to vent one’s frustration and just plain ol’ talk about your day and what you’re feeling. Sure, they’re public forums, but they are by no means invitations for unwarranted insult.

If someone posted something here saying: “My dog dug under the fence and got hit by a car today while I was at work. My nieghbor called me and we met at the vets and although he wasn’t killed, I had to put him down because he was suffering. I’m really sad,” I’m pretty damn sure someone out there would get on and post “Well, maybe if you took better care of your dog, he wouldn’t be dead you fucking animal killer.”

This board is for fun, for debates, and sometimes, just to vent because venting is all you can do and sometimes this is the best place to do it. The fact it’s in a public forum means you have the right to read it and to reply, but it doesn’t mean you HAVE to reply. You don’t have to say anything positive, and you sure as HELL don’t have to say anything negative, especially if it’s a simple post about one’s life. If you’re upset someone posted “Hey, I had a good day,” you can go somewhere else and post “Hey, I had a bad day,” but what compels you to respond to that person and berrate them? “You had a good day, huh? WEll, fuck you.”

You people make me sick. You’ve got problems, fine, vent them some way, but be constructive about them. Don’t take your bitterness about your shitty ass life out on others. The world’s got enough grief and strife in it right now for you to sit there and be a dick.

2

Anyone in particular we should be lambasting?

3

Yes, absolutely.
If you think I’m whining, close the bleeding page!
-M

4

here’s what I don’t understand, speaking specifically about message boards and please note that this is not specifically about you and yours. It’s just a general comment that can be applied in your case.
why do people feel a (compulsive at times) need to vent in a forum filled with 1000’s of people?

I don’t understand, sincerely. Is everyone supposed to agree and pat their head in sympathy?

The same thing happened in a thread featuring snooooooooopy.
People jumped all over his case when he got miffed that people were insensitive to his losing a job.

a good idea would be to then preface the thread with something such as:

hey, I am feeling down. I just need to get this off my chest. I am lloking for sympathy here- for people to comisserate with me. I don’t feel like getting into why my job sucks, etc.

or

try a diary.

paraphrasing you:

The fact it’s a public forum doesn’t mean you HAVE to post a thread for the whole world to read. You can, you know, keep it to yourself.

I know I can be as silly as the rest of them here, but honestly I am amazed at times at what people post up at times. Sometimes I read and I ask myself: who gives a shit? really? What compels you to think that we care?
There are people that feel a need to post about EVERYTHING in their life that goes wrong (vent: I HATE YOU HANGNAIL! or vent: My Life sucks: Starbucks straws are GREEN now!)

It’s as if somepeople feel addicted to venting on public boards, for chrissakes. get over yourselves already.

and yes, the same thing can be said about me and my posts…but I dont go crying of the injustice because of it. see the difference?

get a thicker skin already.

5

The irony of course is that, the very thing you are ranting against is starting to happen in this thread.

6

The irony of course is that, the very thing you are ranting against is starting to happen in this thread.

7

Sorry, I don’t buy it.

I’m supposed to only post approved comments?

So, the person who posts that they’re really bummed 'cause they spent the weekend stoned and then on Monday have to piss in a jar 'cause they’re on probation for a prior drunk driving conviction and bummer, man, but the last time they had a violation the judge threatened to send them to prison, I’m only allowed to say “gosh darn, that really sucks?”

fuck that.

I understand people venting, I understand people wanting/needing sympathy, but - and here’s the thing - when you complain at large to a large group of people, you don’t get to control their reactions.

only want sympathy?

either choose your RL close friends who’ll sympathize or go to a ‘weonlyagreewithyou.com’ message board.

8

As one of the people being discussed, I know we’ve made up and all back in the original thread Elvis, but just for the record, when someone’s venting an “Aw poor baby” isn’t always the right answer.

To use an example completely unrelated to the original issue, if a poster chose to vent about…

“Y’know how tough it is to be a singke father? I had to sneak my kid away from my ex, who’s got this stupid idea that just because I’m a convicted child-molester, I shouldn’t have any parental rights! Now th’ kid’s face is on milk-cartons! And just last night, I got a ticket for driving drunk and the damned cop yelled at me for not having the kid in a car seat! I’m so depressed that I’m considering not robbing that 7-11 I’ve been eyeing today. But if I don’t I might not have nough money for milk AND beer. But what the hell. Th’ kid’s gotta learn to drink sometime, right?”

…he wouldn’t get any sympathy either. Just the magic act of saying “I’m venting” does not make criticism, constructive or otherwise, vanish.

Fenris

9

great minds (and similar hypothetical situations, tho yours is more, ahem, colorful) thinking alike, eh Fenris?

10

Taken from :

Texas Sized Stupidity as posted by Mr Elvis “only say nice things” Rojo
“In recent news, this past weekend, a 17 year old boy lit a cigarrette while pumping gas at a local gas station here in Austin. A fourteen year old girl was hospitalized with burns on her hands, but overall, everything was alright. No big explosions like in the movies, just a whole lot of dumb”

[sarcasm]
why that’s not nice to call someone stupid! much less Texas sized stupid!
Why did you post that if you didn’t have anything nice to say?!
why not be constructive? post up a topic about why its dangerous to light cigarettes at the gas pump? no, you had to go and call him stupid! to ridicule him publically.
what compels you to post about that person and berrate them?
[/sarcasm]

:rolleyes:
nope, the irony isn’t lost on me at all!

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Already happened, more or less. I daren’t do a search, though, out of sympathy for the hamsters.

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Aww come on. You know what the spirit of Elvis’ post is. He’s not talking about people who really deserve it, child molesters and the like, he’s talking about regular people who hate their jobs or are troubled with their situation. I see his point. Is it really necessary to jump all over people ALL the time. Here’s an example:

OP: Hte Sky is blue.
Poster 1: Of course you mean ‘The’
Poster 2: Welcome to the boards, Got a cite for that?

Really, not as callous as say, one person ripping someone else for putting his feral dog to sleep, even though he was bummed about it. But that’s the kind of thing he’s talking about.

Have some manners. If you were at a Dopefest, or sitting in a room talking with these people, would you do the same thing? No, because you might actually have to see the hurt on that person’s face and see the pain you’ve caused. There are ways to disagree with people without being so abrasive.

Yes, occasionally people vent and it does open them up to scrutiny, but that doesn’t make it right for you to wipe your feet on them, either. Just because someone vents on a public board doesn’t mean they do so for attention. There might be somebody else willing to let you lean on them or have suggestions on how to handle it because they’ve been through the same thing.

13

Amen brother. I find myself doing that quite a bit lately. (I know, I know “who gives a shit” hahaha.)

14

You want some cheese with that? I think people do tend to use these message boards, and the internet in general, as a form of free therapy. When you don’t agree with them, they aren’t getting there money’s worth. :rolleyes:

15

This is what I’m getting at here. It being a public forum, people have the right to post whatever they want. It being a public forum, you have the right to read it and respond. But, you’re not OBLIGED to do so. If you start to read a post, and decide “I don’t care,” that’s great. But don’t post “I don’t care about you stupid fuck, why not do something more productive with your time than bitch to me.” That’s uncalled for. If someone writes a post about “My bad day,” and describes how their mother broke her leg, and on the way, the poster’s car broke down, and in the process of changing the tire, broke her jack, locked her cellphone and keys in the car, and it started to rain then had to walk a mile to the bus stop to get to the hospital and then wasn’t allowed to see her mom, you don’t have to give a shit. If you feel sympathy, it’s nice to write a little “Oh my god, I’m so sorry to hear about your day, I hope your mom’s okay,” that’s nice. But why do some people out there feel the need to respond with “Well, look at people in the burn ward while you’re at the hospital and see how bad your life could really be. Why don’t you just be greatful for what you’ve got and quit being a whiny bitch.”

That’s what I’m talking about. Criticising someone because you feel they did something stupid (like lighting a cigarrette while smoking despite common knowledge and countless “No Smoking” signs posted all around gass pumps) is one thing. To sit there and call someone names simply because they felt like getting a little catharcis from posting their problems or felt like sharing a good experience on line is no reason to attack them.

16

Just so we’re clear, the specific example the OP was discussing was a telemarketer complaining that people she was bothering were grumpy towards her. I put that much closer to the “Smoking while pumping gas” example than the “My mom’s in the hospital” example.

Fenris

17

ElvisRojo (is there an ElvisVerde, too? :wink:

Here’s how I see it:

Poster a: My dog was hit by a car. I think she may have to be put asleep. I am really sad about it.

Poster b: you are an idiot!!! what kinda moron lets there dog run loose?

posters c-h: (insert condolences)

poster g: dude, it really sucks. But you need to put it in perspective. That could have been your child.
I do agree that Poster B is being insensitive. Very Much so. asshole? probably. but nevertheless, there is some grain of truth in what they have to say. Is that what chaps your hide?

Could it have been said nicer or not at all? yes.

But by posting in a public forum, you are in a way, soliciting for opinions and advice. it comes with the the whole ‘public forums’.

poster g, on the other hand is not so much an asshole. Yes, you may view it as your problem being trivialized.

But you know what?

My experience in life shows me that sometimes we need that. We need to know that it COULD be worse. that we do need to count our blessings. to put things in perspective.

the way you are suggesting a board be run, only people in agreement with you should be allowed to post in a thread. I think that’s just wrong. Sometimes one IS being a whiney bitch and needs a reality check, present company included. Also, if only people that agree with you post, you might get the impression that you are right and justified. Sometimes, you aren’t and need to hear it.

I don’t agree that one should start name calling, as there are other ways to be constructive, but, well, I am not everyone. People get really worked up about causes that I may not. and vice versa. They have a right to post as much as you do.

I simply think that you are unhappy because it affected your life personally. You are taking the situation too much to heart.

As I see it, your choices are as follows:

a) vent in a place where only you have access (i,e a diary)

or

b) ignore the posts that bother you.

18

Elvis, I agree with you 100%, and I have been saying the same thing for a while.

It seems that sometimes people don’t realize that comments they make, though relatively anonymous, can be hurtful, and there is absolutely no reason to be. Even in some of the examples decribed above, do you really think you’re going to change anything by telling the person off? No? So what’s the fucking point?

19

That was very hurtful to me.

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Look, Angel of the Lord makes her living by harassing total strangers, invading their personal space, and stealing their time. Sorry, but that is exactly what she does. It is, at the very least, extremely irritating. She then complains here that sometimes the people into whose lives she thrusts herself, unbidden, do not appreciate her intrusions. They curse at her. They insult her. She wants them to stop. In other words, her philosophy is that ** it’s perfectly acceptable for her to be rude to people she doesn’t know, but wholly unacceptable for those people to return the favor**. It is A-OK in my book for some people here who have been victims of telemarketers to point out how illogical and fucked up that philosophy is.

You get paid to call people at home, who may be sick, or asleep, or in the middle of dinner, or waiting for the call to tell them their mother made it through surgery, but who definitely didn’t ask for you to call and try to sell them whatever bullshit it is that YOU think is important enough to interrupt their lives for. You get paid for that, so own up to it and except that sometimes people aren’t going to like it. You post in the Pit, you except the fact that some people are going to disagree with what you have to say. No, they are not obligated to reply, but they certainly have a right to, as much right as you have to post the OP in the first place.

I do feel sorry for the other shit that’s happening in her life, though.

And Elvis, you blazing hypocrite, Fenris at least made it clear that his comments to Angel were strictly related to her profession. Where as you insult him personally, calling him “filth” and “a little fuckshit”. Who’s being mean now, eh?