I was thinking about this today in French class, while the other students were taking their oral exams (heh heh, he said French oral…) If you were able to choose the person that you fell for, and were able to consciously say “This person is very kind to me, and feels that they could truly care for me and love me, and I want to return that to them,” and poof, there you are in love with them, would you want to have that ability? How do you think society would change if we all had the ability to choose who we fall in love with? To clarify: It’s one thing to know a person for a while and then one day wake up and realize you have feelings for them , or to see them for the first time and feel a deep affection; it’s quite another to decide that you will fall in love with that person and then suddenly feel the emotions, which is something I don’t think anyone can do.
How’s life on the island?
I think what you are describing is how many women fall in love. I think we men are more quick to fall.
But I would not want the skill you suggest. I am a better subliminal judge of character than an deliberate one. Using my mind, I would make the wrong decision. If this were a universal trait, I don’t think it would change that much. Married people would decide to fall in love with a nicer or richer person as they do now. Human nature is more than just love.
Damn good question.
My first thought is that if everyone had this talent, it could only be an improvement. You could choose to fall for the person you ordinarily would have and be no worse off. And you could choose to avoid some of the more hellish consequences of a bad romance. But considering what a tangled mess affairs of the heart can be, and what a shambles some people make of the unemotional parts of their lives, I don’t know that my rational argument really stands up. I’ll stick with the ‘faith in humanity’ view and say that we would be better off.
That said, I wouldn’t want to be able to do this myself. At its best, falling in love should be an irrestible inspiration, and I don’t know how to choose someone for that. I trust my subconscious to make that decision (but ask me at the right time and you might get a different answer).
I just realized what a massive contradiction that is, but it’ll have to do for the moment.
IMHO I would like the power to know if the person I love, loves me. Unrequited love pains one deeply.
Well, Sani, I think we * DO choose * with whom we decide to start having ‘feelings for.’
Haven’t you ever been attracted to someone and then it turns out they do ** something gross ** and BAM, you’re over the attraction? You abhor smoking, and they light up, you despise bigots and out comes some obnoxious comment?? Making your almost beloved fall soooooo fast off that pedestal you were building for them?
I do think guys have a propensity to ‘love’ the beautiful face or figure and NOT the person at all. They think they love the person when they truly don’t have a clue as to who the person is, and they get themselves hurt terribly because of it.
While there are females who do the same thing [jock worship, groupie kinds of attraction] they usually are more the more practical sex. But, that doesn’t take away the fact, ALL are choosing whomever it is, they become attracted to, and decide to pursue. It’s what is BEHIND the choices, that ought to be thought out more carefully, most of the time.
Anti Pro: I don’t want to shift the focus of this thread totally, but I want to respond to your claim that men are somehow more superficial than women, falling in love with a woman’s looks, while women fall in love with the real man. Hooey. All people are superficial, men and women, equally. Women fall for guys that have the superficial traits they seek, be they looks, money, job, power, etc. Also, women go for the slickness and the bullshit lines men feed women (and men lie so much to women in part because Women want a guy who seems together and cocky – if a guy is just himself this is terrible unattractive to women). All people are superficial.
Back to the thread. I don’t think it would be possible to be able to fall in love with just anyone by snapping your fingers because true love involves having something in common and understanding where a person is coming from. This cannot be achieved by magic unless the people are suddenly changed to become compatible.
Not to offend Anti Pro, but I do not believe that ANYONE can choose who they fall in love with. I sure as hell can’t. If we could, this would be a better world.
I’ve always had female friends and aquaintences who were pretty, mentally stable, and interested in yours truly. Do I fall in love with them? NO. I fall in love with heinous wenches. Go figure.
And it’s not just us guys. How many women do you know of who are in love with someone who treats them like dirt?
**
I disagree. I feel there are certain traits that we as individuals prefer. When we find the right person with that combination of traits we fall in love. Friendship works pretty much the same way.
Yes there are men and women who both seem to consistantly fall in love with heinous individuals. And I’d say that it shows that there is something wrong with that person. If someone consistantly chooses someoen who is bad for them, or bad in general, then they probably should seek professional help.
Marc
Robot Arm, Love is a major bundle of contradictions.
I suppose it is, Ranma.
This thread kind of puts me in mind of something Slartibartfast said in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “I’d much rather be happy than right anyday.”
It depends on which love you’re referring to? Romantic love, tender love, crazy love, unhealthy love (attraction), the unconditional love for family, etc. Do you believe that you can fall in love in many different ways with a variety of people? I don’t believe there is one true love. Instead, I believe that we fall in love throughout life with many different people, depending upon the emotional condition that we are in a that given time. Which is why, I believe, that many marriages fail citing the reason as “Well, it seemed that we just grew apart.”
It’s amazing to me that there are marriages that last an adult lifetime, given that no two people could possible grow in the same direction. Well, less than half do, in actuality.
I think I’ve gone off on a tangent a bit. In direct answer, I’d say that we all make a conscious decision to love a person. And like Dr. Drew said - attraction is when the most disfunctional part of me is drawn toward the most disfunctional part of you.
Wierd stuff.
Daniel Shabasson wrote:
That’s my problem! I’ve gotta pretend to be more together and cocky. Should I get some Ray-Bans to go with the red Porsche convertible and the Armani outfit?
Personally, I think you already can choose who to fall in love w/because you have to get to know the person before falling in love…falling in love means you have to spend time w/someone and get to know them…if you didn’t want to fall in love, then you wouldn’t hang around this person all the time. Of course, sometimes you can’t help it…like when a friend falls in love w/a friend…and the other friend doesn’t feel the same way…ain’t that a bitch???
That depends. Is the corollary true also? Do I also get to choose who NOT to love? My problem isn’t not falling for somebody who care about me, it’s falling for women who are wrong for me, who I have no future or chance with, etc.
So if that comes along with it, then I definitely want that ability.
But, I think that is what makes life so interesting. There must be a reason you’re more comfortable [re:familiar] with women who are wrong for you, it’s in finding THAT fact out which is about the journey inward. You ARE choosing those women, but why are you? Maybe you don’t feel like you’re worthy of love, and or, you’re more familiar with chaos. But, of course THAT is another thread! 
** spoojie, ** I’m not offended, far from it. This is only opinion and having lived long enough to be a part of many other people’s lives and observing, but it’s sure not fact!
** Daniel, ** if you’d re-read what I wrote, I already said, BOTH sexes are quite capable of superficiality, for different reasons. But, I don’t believe ALL of anything, so no, I don’t think ALL people are shallow, just many of them.
It takes courage to really know yourself and make yourself capable of knowing another, and accepting BOTH, most people don’t, but some do.
My twenty-seven-plus years on this planet have taught me a thing or three about love.
One is that it’s the greatest thing in the world, and worth everything it takes to get it and to keep it.
The second is that it’s not easy. I don’t want to be in a world where I could point at someone and say “let’s fall in love.” Love implies challenges and obstacles, and the will and wherewithal to overcome them.
The third thing? Hi Opal.