Maybe Fred Phelps, although he’d probably secretly enjoy it.
Stole my answer. But afterward, I’d feel dirtier than he would.
If I dislike you enough to want to fart in your face I don’t want to get close enough to you to do it.
Could I just point a fan in their direction and sling some shit in front of it instead?
Am I limited to just farting? Makes a difference in my choice.
Probably one of those hoity toity french dudes with a sense of smell so perfect they employ them to create perfumes. I want to see what he’d come up with after getting dusted by a little butt wasabi.
Banksy.
My own. Cuz it would damn well smell better than the perfume from that lady who stood in line behind me at the market today.
That wasn’t perfume.
This is all an amusing exercise, but ultimately pointless. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the same incontrovertible conclusion to all of these thought experiments: Nancy Grace.
Bravo. My decision is now locked in.
She’s my neighbor.
Want me to try and arrange a drop-by?
Why stop at one? Have Mittens and Ryan lie on the floor face up with their heads next to each other, I’d straddle them and give them my best. Better still, a full-mooned shart.
Mitt will be happy to do that if it gets your vote.
The best thing about squatting on Nancy Grace’s face and letting out a long, hot cheek-flapper would be watching her expression not change at all.
I think it would be too degrading for me to doo it. Can I contract it out?
We can close the thread now that we have the only true answer.
You guys might not believe this, but Nancy Grace was one of the people I was thinking of when I said I wouldn’t do it because anyone I would do that to would deserve worse.
LD, perhaps you could anonymously mail Grace the Straight Dope’s web address and tell her all about how it’s regarded as the smartest message board on the internet and so on. Then suggest she come here and look herself up. 
Heh heh.
Winner winner chicken dinner!!!
I thought about explaining that when I wrote it. I knew one of the geniuses here would catch it. This shart’s for you Dung Beetle And how appropriate that you have the word ‘dung’ in you name. Brilliant.
Doo! That’s where I’m a Viking!