They’re not going to do that.
College is the last stage in life where people will try to help you achieve your goals, instead of asking you to meet their goals. Why not make an appointment with the admissions counselor and explain your situation? S/he has probably heard such stories, and will be able to suggest options.
Rilch–while that is a good idea, I"d have to talk it over with CG first and he’s probably not going to be as for the idea as you are. I’m not even for the idea myself really, though it is excellent advice.
Why?
Because I am too fucking scared to enroll in college courses and fail again. I was never the world’s best student and the only classes I made good grades in in college before were my drama classes to medical problems.
IDBB
/me smacks her forehead…preview is my friend. Ignore that last part cuz I don’t even know what it means about the medical problems.
It’s either part of another post that ended up here or it’s a phantom posting that just decided to show up.:smack:
IDBB
Okay, I’ll bite. We’ll work on this girl in shifts.
One class. Start with one class. It will be a couple of hundred dollars. That’s it.
That’s the easy part. Go to the website of the college you last attended- they’ll have instructions on how to get your transcripts. You just send a letter or fill out an online request form. There is sometimes a nominal fee, three or five dollars. You can pay that by check or online.
No way is any college employee ever going to tell you that. They want your money. You want a better life. It’s a win-win situation. Oh, and I am not even going to touch your marital situation. (more unwanted advice- don’t post anything online you would not read out loud to your husband as you wrote it)
I was a twenty-seven year old hairnet-and-nametag veteran when I started college. Scared shitless doesn’t even begin to express it. How will I pay back my loans? What if I must drop out? Guess what? I did have to drop out-- even without my degree, I qualified for higher paying jobs. What if snotty nineteen-year-olds made fun of me-- would it be like sixth grade all over again? Guess what? A few did. They shut up fast enough when I did ever so much better than them in class. And I made best friends with unsnotty nineteen-year-olds.
Actually, even a two-year associate’s degree opens a few doors, even in different fields. It’s probably a factor in why he’s on the career path at Best Buy. I know that people in management at many fast food or retail businesses are required to have at least some college, if not a degree.
Bitch, you have potential. You have all this energy that could be doing so much more for the world then wiping off its counters and filling its napkin dispensers. Higher education isn’t the only way to get anywhere in America, but it helps!
It strikes me that my use of “bitch” may imply a wee bit of hostility where I intended none. Um, that was supposed to be “bitch” in a caring, gentle, affectionate way. You know, the way Grandma would call you “bitch.”
Damn. Sorry.
sugaree–that’s ok. I just got off the phone with CG and he gave me at least a dozen reasons why I can’t afford to go back to school, none of which I remember right at the moment other than the economy sucks, we can’t afford it, we’re too well-off (even though we’re not really) to get a grant/loan and there’s one course I"d have to have to graduate which I"d never pass: Math.
He also told me everybody he ever knew who attempted to juggle a full time job and part time school failed at it. He said it would be too stressful for me and reminded me of my less than stellar transcript from the other community college I attended right out of HS.
TBH, I don’t know what I"m going to do. I sort of maybe kind of have an idea of what I"d like to study if I went back after really thinking about it last night but…I can’t afford it. According to CG (the master of household finance), I couldn’t even afford one class a semester, let alone books and supplies.
I suppose I could ask CG’s parents for help but I’m too proud to do that. They’ve already put both him and his sister through college, as well as paid for his sister’s very expensive wedding (which I believe they are still paying off 2 years later). I don’t want to ask them for money. I hate asking for handouts…er…even if it’s in the guise of asking for a hand up.
I know…I should just try and do the best I can but I just can’t right now. You guys have given me very good advice, which I just cannot act on right now. CG is completely right. We don’t have the finances for it and I couldn’t work a full time job and even attempt a 1/2 load of classes. It just wouldn’t work.
Thanks though.
IDBB
IDBB
I really do want to help you. You may not believe it, but it’s true. I’d love for you to email me and let me help you with the college thing. I understand if you don’t though. Just remember, if you’re 40 and working at Sonic, you’ve only got yourself to blame.
No shit you’re scared. When I got the job i’m at now, I was scared out of my ever lovin’ mind. I had no idea what I was doing, had never done it before (political fundriaser/campaign manager) had no training, no one willing to train me, and two bitches who for whatever reason, decided they hated me and tried to sabatoge me every step of the way. I cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember. I sat there bawling saying “I can’t do this, i’m too stupid!” I had to put together a fundraiser for 300 people 3 months into the job and was sick for a week beforehand, I was so scared. I have a boss who hates fundraising and takes it out on me (use your imagination).
But two years later I’m doing fine. I still get scared as hell sometimes, but I realize that this is an opprotunity that I’m probably not going to get again, and one that can set me up for later in life. And it kinda has. More doors have opened for me then I could have ever hoped for.
You know what else it did? Made me want more. That’s why I’m going to law school. I realized that if I could succeed at this job, when all possible cards were stacked against me, I can succeed at darn near anything. The one thing I wanted the most from this job was respect from my coworkers. I was seen as the kid who they hired as a bargain. Know why they wouldn’t respect me? I had no experience, and no college degree. I can tell you one thing, they sure as hell have respect for me now. More than they used to at least.
You should see the looks on people’s faces when I tell them I’m going to law school. It’s like, “this girl’s on her way”… My mother graduated a certificate program when she was 48. Two of my coworkers just graduated college at 45 and 42. Age has absolutely nothing to do with it. I"m going to be the youngest by far, in my law school. The particular school I’m going to’s medium age is 40. I’m 25. It’s intimidating as hell, but I’m gonna do it.
I know this was long winded, but what I’m trying to get across to you is this: everyone is scared at one point or another. If you hide out scared your whole life, you’re not going to get anywhere. The feeling you get when you succeed at something is something I can’t even explain to you. All I can say is that it’s worth it.
Go to community college. Start with one course. It won’t cost a couple of hundred, it will probably be less than a hundred. If your husband is not supportive, then all I can say to you is, you need to re-evaluate your marriage. Any husbad who wouldn’t support his wife getting an education doesn’t deserve a wife. But something tells me that’s not the problem. Your fear is the problem. Your excuses are the problem. And you need to just sit up, take a deep breath and move forward. You’ll be really glad you did.
I just read your post IDBB and I must say i’m shocked. I can’t beleive your husband. All this time we spent trying to get through to you, we finally kinda do, and he stomps it out in one foul swoop.
I’d love to have a word with him. :mad:
If you really want this, IDBB you’re gonna have to work for it. Simple as that. If your husband loves you as much as he says he does, he’ll come around.
Always remember this: you don’t need his freakin’ permission for anything.
lezlers–it is daunting. Quite. I emailed the head of financial aid for the college and I’m waiting to hear back from him/her.
CG told me that even if I could go back to school, the career I sort of have in mind (computer animation) is a hard field to break into. Well no shit.:rolleyes: I know that. That’s the only thing I’m even remotely interested in and I realize it would take some time before I got where I want to go. He said we cannot afford for me to go back because our finances are just too fragile.
Well that and I keep flipflopping on whether or not I want a kid. He says if we get pregnant there’s no way we’d be able to afford it.
I don’t know what I"m going to do. I’d like to go back to school but I’m too scared to fail. I nearly failed HS and almost didn’t graduate. I’m not as intelligent as I’d like to think…well…not in all areas anyway. Sure, I can rack up a zillion points in Jeopardy but where’s that gonna get me?
I don’t know what’s going to happen or where I’ll be in five years. I don’t have any plans…other than to get by, adding a little more crapass experience to my life and getting a little more gray hair.
I will get by…as the Grateful Dead said once.
IDBB
Uh-uh. You surely would get a student loan. Student loans go by different criteria than do grants, or for that matter most other kinds of loans. Trust me.
Math is also my cross to bear. You know when you start at a community college, you will take a placement test, and if your skills in math (or language for that matter, but I think you’ll do okay there) are not up to the 101 level, you can take a developmental course? Or three, if you need to. That’ll get you up to par, and there is usually free tutoring available.
Why don’t you discuss this with your husband when he’s not at work? Sit down and list the pros and cons of taking one class.
One class at a time won’t mess up your whole life, and it just might change it for the better. It’ll probably be one night a week, or maybe two but for less time. Have it replace something else that you spend money on - if your husband gripes about the cost, show him receipts for (or just price listings and frequency) of something you’re giving up: hair dye, salon bills, cigarettes, Haagen-Dazs, whatever. Hopefully your husband is assuming that you mean half-time school and that you’d be gone day and night, barely time for sleep much less anything else.
And others are right, degrees are needed for a lot of things that you wouldn’t expect - you need them to rise past a certain rank in the military, last I heard, and they’re also a heavy weighting factor in getting a supervisor position in the US Postal Service.
One little class. Think of something you enjoy, at least, and pick that. A friend who’s going to school part-time is taking a food-and-wine pairing class at the tech school she’s attending; she’s going for construction management but had to fill a couple credit slot and chose that. She called me all excited about it, and asked for my advice on a wine to match with the dinner that she had to make for the class. Or something that might be handy in dealing with your current situation - do I remember you complaining about dealing with Spanish-speaking coworkers who didn’t know English? Maybe a Spanish course would reduce your stress at least somewhat, and that’s a good skill to have in many regions; I saw a number of employment ads looking for people with at least some knowledge of how to speak Spanish, when I was on the job hunt. How about a massage class - another great stress reducer.
I’m shocked at your husband’s response, IDDB. I can’t imagine my SO actively discouraging me against making my life better. I’m really sorry he feels that way.
And for him to say that you shouldn’t go back to college because you can’t do math? Is bullshit. I got a master’s degree in professional writing two weeks ago, and in my entire time grad and undergrad, I had to take one (1) class with math in it that I found difficult. I passed–barely. And if I can do it, you can do it. I am a math moron, and I managed to get through college.
To reiterate what others have said–ONE class. Try one class. Don’t sign up for a whole semester’s worth of classes all at once.
The first step is always the hardest. It’s like losing weight. I came up with 101 excuses not to work out at first, and I just couldn’t bring myself to put on my sneakers and actually do it. For me, putting on my work out clothes was the hardest part. Once I got past that, things just started to happen.
One class. That’s all. The only person who can start making your life better is you.
Just previewed: Um, kids? IDDB, I thought you hated children? 
If your finances are too fragile to go to school, surely they’re too fragile to support a child? Tell your husband that.
Don’t let this be a little flame that he can easily stomp out. Make it a fucking fire that he can either fan, or run the hell away from. Explain to him that this is what you need to be happy. He wants you to be happy doesn’t he?
Does he know how unhappy you are? I doubt it. Tell him. Tell him what you tell us here. Then tell him what you need to be happy. If he truly loves you, he’ll understand.
I was shitty in high school too. I did great in college. It’s different. Also, most people are good at one thing and shitty at another. That’s natural. When you find something you’re really interested in, you’ll thrive. Trust me.
Computer animation? That’s awesome! I could never do that. And you know what? Who knows what the industry will be like when you get out? That’s a risk you’ll just have to take.
I’m so glad you contacted financial aid. You took the first step and that’s fucking awesome. Keep going.
She most certainly did choose to work at a fast food restaurant. What, you think she just woke up one day and found herself in a Sonic uniform taking orders and shaking the fries? Nope, she went down to Sonic one day, filled out an application, and got hired. She made a choice to work there.
There are plenty of other places that uneducated people can work (telemarketing and ditch-digging come to mind), and she could also have chosen not to work at all.
See that’s my problem. I couldn’t even pass THAT. I tried. I took a developmental math course (with diff profs, thinking the profs were the problem at the time) like 3 or 4 times before I dropped out. That was the one thing holding me back.
We actually don’t spend a lot of money on stuff we don’t need. We rarely go out to dinner or the movies. I think when we went out to Taco Hell and then to see Bruce Almighty last weekend was the first time we’d gone ‘out’ for dinner and a movie in at least 3 or 4 mos.
Maybe he’s right. I know almost NOTHING about our finances because I suck at math and therefore leave all of that to him because he’s smarter than I am.
I proposed the idea of even taking ONE class and he freaked. Nearly went mental on me like it was totally insane.
I’ll try to talk to him more tonight when he gets home but I’m not expecting it to go well.
IDBB
Do you think this is healthy behavior on your husband’s part?
Actually, TaxGuy it’s because I HAVE to. I was working a PT job and it wasn’t paying the bills. We were really reducing everything…we’d cut off the satellite after a month of me having this PT job and we were about to cut off the internet. My husband traded in his expensive car for a car that’s less expensive with a lower monthly payment. We stopped buying things that were non-essential at the grocery store. We were only eating hamburger helper every night. We weren’t doing anything we didn’t have to.
The only reason I took the job at SOnic is because out of all the apps I’d filled out looking for FT work, Sonic was the only one who called me back offering a FT job. I didn’t really see much of a choice, so I took it. By the time I’d taken the job at Sonic I’d been through several interviews with different places and nobody would hire me. I’d do the interview and then when they didn’t call me back, I’d call them and the position would be filled. One place (who I really thought was going to hire me after two seperate interviews)fucked me around so much I wanted to scream and shoot somebody. I am also using Monster.com and Flipdog.com to try and find another job. It’s not like I"m not trying, TaxGuy. I am.
IDBB
OK, I just read the rest of the thread after the post I quoted above. If I may throw in my 2 cents:
(1) IDBB, get your ass in school, goddammit! Everyone with a pulse can get a student loan, and it’s well worth borrowing money to get an education.
(2) You don’t have to know what job you want right when you enter school. You’ll have to do at least a couple of years of English, History, Literature, Math (and come on–you can pass college algebra if you put your mind to it), and other basic stuff before you have to declare a major. I didn’t know I wanted to be a tax lawyer until halfway through my second year in law school, which was 6 1/2 after I started college.
(3) I’ll second (or is it third?) the advice that you get some therapy. You don’t seem interested in doing anything with your life to make it better. That’s a bad thing.
(4) lezlers, it’s nice that we agree on something now. Hug me!
IDBB, (and judginmg by her husband’s response her screen name is well-deserved), cut this out now.
In 1975, my mother was 32, divorced, burdened with four kids, and had just gotten fired from her job as a county social worker, a position that paid badly anyway. She had many strikes against her, but she didn’t give up.
She decided to become a nurse, so she went back to go school while working full-time and taking care of us. We had to do without a lot, even going on food stamps for a while, but we made it. My mother got her degree and her life improved dramatically because she had the gumption to DO something.
What are your probelsm?
A non-supportive husband. This where yopu assert yourself and say, “Honey, I’m spining my wheels right now and taking college classes will give me new direction in life. Moreover, it will add to my marketability so that when I find a new job our financial situation will be that much improved.” Assert yourself.
Money. The money is there, I assure you. You may have to take loans, but that’s par for the course. Start slow and take one class at a time.
Fear of math. Math is not difficult, it’s just badly taught. You can learn the fundamentals of business math. Go to the library and borrow a book and work the problems. You cna do it.
Get started today!
TaxGuy–actually I CAN"T pass college algebra. I tried, which is why I ended up in developmental math class in the first place. I learned in HS that I have a math-related learning disorder and while I don’t use it as a crutch, it does make it hard to understand and comprehend math. Even basic algebra stumps me.
2) I am not about to get a student fucking loan. Everybody I know who’s had one of those regretted getting it later because it takes so long to pay off. I have enough bills to pay as it is, thank you. I don’t think I wanna add one more to the list.
TWG–I don’t hate kids…not really. I just keep flipflopping on the idea of being a mom really. I think one day I’ll be a mother and I’ll have kids but I was anti-kid for so long I can’t really make up my mind.
IDBB