I’ve found out that the girl I took to the prom, a girl that I used to think of as a friend, has been deliberately deceiving me.
I have been informed by numerous sources that out of fear that I would ask her out again, she pretended to be going out with some other guy. This guy then informed me to “leave her alone, don’t ask her out again”
I, being rather confused, approached her with his comments and asked if she had requested him to say that to me. She denied it. Then I asked her if she was going out with this guy, because I saw them holding hands. Again, she denied that they were dating and declined to elaborate any further.
Then I found out that her friends got so pissed off over her deceiving me that they have stopped talking to her. They explained what her motivations were.
Apparently, she just didn’t have the guts to tell me that she didn’t like me, and she went to prom to spare my feelings. Afterwards she pretended to be going out with some guy just so I wouldn’t ask her out again. :mad:
Ladies, please don’t lie like this. If you don’t like a guy just say so, don’t engage in deliberate deception. Even saying “fuck off” and slapping him in the face would ultimately be a more polite way of turning someone down. And I mean this seriously.
Don’t do this. No sympathy dates. I don’t want any. They are an insult to me, and a hinderance to the pursuit of females that might actually be interested.
You learn to recognize this type quite early. They’re a minority of the Lovely Ladies of the World, but they “get around” in more ways than one.
Don’t feel too bad. At least she didn’t string you along for a year or so before breaking your heart. And, from your mention of Prom, I surmise that you’re just about to get outta High School. Well, lemme tell ya, Blalie m’friend, it’s best to have these kinds of shitty experiences when you’re younger, 'cuz you know why? In a few years, when you have a nice, strong, healthy relationship with a wonderful girl, you’ll be glad that you got these opportunities to learn.
I think the prom was something that I had to go to at least once.
I would have preferred that she turned me down. I would have simply kept on asking girl after girl until I found one, or until prom came and I might have gone without a date.
Last year I asked 7 girls in a row, each turned me down. 7 was my pre decided number back then before I would give up. This year I would have asked up to a dozen.
I’m going to confront her on Monday about this. I’ve been putting up with her crap for too long. Not just over this, but over her constantly whining about how her old home town is so much better than OUR town, which is apparently a shitty place in her opinion. And her goddamn old boyfriend she broke up with last year. She never shuts up about that.
I don’t need to take this bullshit anymore, and I’m not going to. The last straw has broke the camels back.
If I were you I wouldn’t confront her at all. I would act like she simply didn’t exist, even if she tried to talk to me.
She is probably hoping for a confrontation, so she can piss you off worse, hoping you start a big screaming fight.
Then she can say “See, I knew you were an asshole.” and feel “vindicated” in front of her friends. Ignoring her makes you the better person and will probably irritate the shit out of her.
If you figure she’s going to lie, anyway, (based on history), why do you think she’ll tell the truth, now?
You are not going to get closure by making a big deal about this. Unless she’s your lab partner, just ignore her from now on.
If she simply wants you to go away, ignoring her makes her happy and ends the whisper campaigns.
If she wants you to make a scene, ignoring her will drive her nuts.
You seem smart and confident. They say that man leans from experience, but the wise man learns from others’ experiences.
In that vain, let me offer you this piece of advice.
Doing what you are thinking about is one of those things that seems like it will be really good and satisfying while you are thinking about doing it.
Afterwards, you will probably regret it, because it probably won’t end there. Doing this gives her attention and gossip and puts her at the center of the controversy for a little bit longer. It makes you seem like the chump for a little bit longer.
It’s another day that you will be unhappy, and you will be following her script. She will have moves and things to say too, you know?
The best attitude is “I got along fine without her before I met her. I’ll get along fine without her now.”
If she wants to cultivate the attitude that you are so in love with her that she needs to get other guys to “Protect her” from you asking her out again, the most devastating thing you could do to this strategy is to prove it ridiculous and self-centered.
Be completely uninterested. Don’t ingore her. That shows you’re hurt. Just be so uninterested in her that it’s clear you weren’t going to be asking her on any more dates, anyway because she’s such a self-centered delusioned tart any more time in her presence after the prom would be the act of a masochist.
Don’t ignore her. Be uninterested in her. Be happy. Live well.
What a twat. You’re better off without her. I’m going to second my fellow Dopers, though, in saying just let her be. Be cordial, but totally nonchalant. Like Scylla said, being uninterested will drive her up the fucking wall faster than any fight or silent treatment ever could.
IMHO, Blalron, you are deeply infatuated with this girl. Ths is why you must go forward with this confrontation. Are you hoping she is going to realize the lie and come back to you? I am so sorry this happened to you, the exact same thing happened to me. It broke my heart, but I learned some important lessons. Walk away from it. I did not walk away and it caused me great pain because I wanted so desperately for this girl to reconsider and realize she had done me wrong and maybe we could still be an item. I was wrong. While she forgot about the whole thing quickly, it lingered in my mind for weeks.
Forget the “mild scene”. Everybody knows what she did and they will forget in a week. But, if you don’t let go, it will haunt you for much longer. Confronting her will do absolutely nothing.
How about just a simple note saying, “I’m on to your lies”? Make sure to print it on paper that self-destructs after 10 seconds so as to not leave evidence.
