I am a junior in high school, and I have quite a problem coming up. The prom is about months away now, and the girl I wanna take is already ‘taken’. Here is the thing though… her “boyfriend” is really more fo a penpal. He lives in Indiana, I am in North Carolina (about 1000 miles apart) and they only talk via the net. They did actually meet each other before they started talkinjg on the net, so I suppose that is a good thing.
Anyway, this is really bugging me. Since I moved up here, to the mountains, she has become my best friend, and I would hate to hurt her. Recently though, she and I have been doing EVERYTHING together. We have a ton of stuff in common, and we are constantly flirting. Yesterday was bad though, I was at ehr house, and we were playing with each other (tickling and so forth) and we came face to face, about 3 or 4 inches apart. Ours eyes just locked and there was an uncomfterable silence, like when you know you are supposed to kiss someone. But, we just unlocked our gaze, and continued. Now she acts like she likes me the same way I like her. She has been begging me to go to the prom with her and “Ross”, but I absolutely can not do that. I am sure you understand. Here comes the tricky part…
Should I…
[list=A]
[li]Tell her penpal to get a life and stop dating her (he is a sophmore in college, she is a junior in highschool, what a loser)[/li][li]Go to the Prom with her and “Ross” (hahaha, NO!)[/li][li]Go ahead and kiss ehr next chane I get (risky, but may be worth it)[/li][/list=A]
I am not really sure what I am supposed to do, so I would appreciate any help you guys can offer me. Thanks…
This sounds like a great question for IMHO or MSPIMS. Before it leaves, here’s my 2 cents, if that.
Do not go to the prom with her and her boy. Find another female friend and go, or don’t go. A trio is just too uncomfortable for everyone involved, not matter how friendly it seems in theory.
Can you still be just friends with her knowing you like her and she may like you? If not, let her know how you feel so she can make a choice, and then you have nothing to lose. If yes, just continue to enjoy her company and take your time. It sounds like you have a great basis for a relationship going already.
I missed how many months away this is but it seems like things could change a lot between now and then.
A. Definately not…if you tell him to stop dating her, it will make him want to date her more.
B. HELL no. Have some self respect. Tell her that you’ll go with her (just the 2 of you), or she can go with him.
C. Yes, absolutely. I’m sure that if she’s into you that she would rather have a boy nearby than one who lives 6 states away.
Speaking from personal experience, go for it. But also make it clear that if you become more than friends with her that you expect her to break it off with him (assuming that is you want). I was the boy looking in on a relationship, and although she was flirty with me and we were really close, she never had any intention of breaking it off with her boy. Don’t let yourself get played, lord knows I did.
Yeah, go for C. What the worst that can happen? (besides losing her forever and possibly getting your ass kicked if “Ross” ever comes to town if you’re wrong about this…but try to think positive :))
[sub]racinchikki is avoiding this uncomfortable situation by taking her pet freshman, who will get dumped if I show up. And apparently, he’s okay with it.[/sub]
well…I have read all of the replys (not that there are a lot or anything) but I still am very concerened. she and I do nothing but grow closer, and she keeps surprising me with all these statements that I would never expect her to say. And recently we have been “flirting” way more than normal people. But I am not sure if that is just ehr nature or if it is attraction… I am not sure whats gonna happen
Two {start mission impossible music]
Capture some common roaches and breed them until you have about 3000 of them. Release them in her house. When they notice, mention how effective a bug bomb is at killing the little buggars. When they bomb their house you will have about one hour. You will enter her house during the bombing phase. (wear an all black sealed suit like they wear in ‘The Andromeda Strain’) You will then have to get inside the cover for her computer and log on the net as her. IM the bastard from Indiana and break up with him. Make sure it is good and final. Also block all im and e:mail from him. Change his e:mnail address in her address book to something that is only 1 letter off so she won’t notice and secure that address for yourself so she won’t corespond with him. Now leave the house and leave no traces that you were there.
[dunt dunt du dunt, dunt dunt du dunt, dunt dunt du dunt dadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]
Evnglion,
A friend of mine was in your situation about a year ago. The only difference is he knew exactly what he wanted (her) and he was not going to let some prick 1000 miles away(her boyfriend) keep him from it.
He did not waste time with “what should I do” or “I am so confused” or any of that nonsense. He kept the goal in view at all times!!!
He became her ‘friend’, did EVERYTHING with her, was always there for her, built a close friendship on trust and gradually got closer. He took and slowly but assertively. He would never have left a moment pass like the one you did!!! If she did not want to kiss you, then there would have been no ‘awkward moment’. Those moments are caused when BOTH people want to kiss but neither is brave enough to initiate it. Trust me, if she did not want to kiss you, there would have been no awkward moment in the first place.
Stop fucking doubting yourself. She obviously likes you. She is FLIRTING with you. This is not just ‘her nature’, she is not flirting like this with everyone- just you!!!
She brings up her boyfriend and asks questions about him, and says things about him because she wants to see how YOU feel. You are blowing great oppurtunities!!!
Next time she says something about this guy, say something like, “You know, you would be much happier if you had a boyfriend who you could actually spend time with and not just talk to.”
Ask her what she expects to gain with such a long distance relationship in high school!! Ask her why she is limiting herself and tell her how she is missing out.
Then find oppurtunities to tell her how you would treat your girlfriend if you had one. Tell her how you so badly want a girlfriend that you could spoil and love and bla bla bla bla. Then throw in some subtle (ok, not so subtle) statements like “The girl that I’d really like to be with, is being foolish right now because she is in a long distance relationship when she could be with me”… you get the idea!!!
Anyway, my point is: She likes you. Don’t let oppurtunites pass by like that last one. Do what you can to discourage her relationship without coming off as cruel, or insensitive. Keep up the relationship you have already and do what you can to proress it! And above all else Kiss her you fool!!!
Btw, want to know how my friend ended up? Well, the girl left her longdistance boyfriend and they have been together a year!!
First - NO WAY do you go with the two of them to the prom.
Second - the next time the opportunity presents itself, absolutely try a kiss. Ball up, son.
Third - this Ross guy sounds like a yutz. Admittedly, I’ve been married for 353 days (anniversery’s coming, can’t you tell) and was dating my wife for five years before, so I am not too familiar with the dating habits of today’s wired youth. But 5 will get you 10 that Ross has something going at school in addition to his on-line deal with your friend. He’s 1,000 miles away and believe me - prom means a LOT more to someone in high school than it does to anyone in college. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t cancel on her even without your involvement. So give it a try. Worst case scenario - she flips when you try to kiss her (she’ll get over it eventually, so don’t worry about ruining your friendship forever) and you end up taking Plan B to the Prom. Plan B often works out better, anyhoo.
Forget the prom. Well, except that you probably want to let her know how you feel BEFORE the prom. Just in case. And remember - she can’t read your mind.
Wow Bear_Nenno…I do believe you know what you’re talking about. As for Zebra/, did you ever consider the fact that a simple program like Sub7 is much faster, cheaper, and more effective than your method?.. If I was going to “be” her, then I certainly wouldn’t infest ehr house with Roaches…but it sounds fun enough. I have decided that I can wait no longer, mostly because of Bear_Nenno’s post, and the fact that she has been giving me gifts lately, and the clues get stronger and stronger in my favor. Only time will tell…
The girl knows exactly what she’s doing , but the motivation isn’t completely clear. The way I see it, either:
she likes you, but isn’t sure if you like her, so she keeps flirting and getting into these “situations” where you have openings to start romantic relations.
Or
she’s a psychopath who loves tormenting you, and she’s just stringing you along without any intention of actually being romantically involved with you. But she likes the attention, so she’s keeping you close.
1 is probably more likely, although I don’t know her. In which case, you’re sending her mixed signals by flirting but not kissing or displaying any active interest in being her boyfriend. Which means that you have to stop sending mixed signals, and maybe even try to take back some of the wrong signals that you have sent. (How’s this for a conversation starter, “Remember when we were tickling each other and had that awkward silence? What would have happened if I tried to kiss you?”)
The only way to determine if it’s case 2 is if you act like it’s case 1, in which case it’ll be like calling her bluff, and you’ll be heartbroken, but you’ll move on.
Don’t even let the boyfriend thing slow you down. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, boyfriends who are farther away than a 3 hour drive don’t count, at least from the perspective of a guy who’s going after another guy’s boyfriend. Perfectly legal to try to take her away.
As for your choices, the best thing that could happen if you went with them is that you’d have a miserable time. The worst (and probably most likely thing) is that you’ll get into a big fight and embarrass everybody. Either go with somebody else, or go with just her.
Ok, let’s think about this a minute. Ya’ll are best friends. Obviously your personalities are compatible. Check. She can’t think you a massive loser or she wouldn’t hang out with you…so the status is all good. Check. Heavy flirting. BIG Check. Ok, up to that point I can see where you’d still be confused…I mean, these things don’t necessarily add up to a mutual feeling. But the “so-close-to-the-face-we-almost-kissed” moment??? Good GOD, are you NUTS?? KISS HER KISS HER KISS HER!! I have a lot of male friends, but some I flirt with and some I don’t. If any of the ones I flirt with kissed me, I’d be on cloud 9. So, To reiterate my point one final time…
KISS HER!!!
(And if you don’t…for the love of GOD…DON’T go with Plan B…3rd wheel BLOWS)
Yep, I say, try C., and if that house of cards falls into the Hollywood basement try
D. Find one of your own.
Someone who doesn’t have anyone to go with to Prom, perhaps even a remote person who’ll come down and have a good time with you. You’ve got time.
Once the moment arrives, pay attention–close attention–to that girl, and make sure she has a friggin’ blast. Associate cordially, but not intimately, with your mark, and make sure you carefully blow her off at some point to attend to your date’s needs, thus making you look cool as shit.
Focus on making sure your date has the time of her life. Focus. Success in that venue will be reward in itself, I promise. But if you really get lucky, and you might even score the Scooby Snack. From both of 'em, one now, and one later.
heheheheh.
What? I just helped someone get a chance to bat for the Big O! I’m on a roll!
Hey i was in a situation kinda like this. I was ‘best’ friends with this guy for forever. But he had this on again off again girlfriend that was just a completely bitch to him. So one day he was fixing my computer and showing me some cool programs he had made and i leaned over and kissed him. It was a very good decision. Although, we are not still together… it was a while ago… we are still best friends. And the time we were together was well spent time.
<Little Mermaid Music>
sha na na na na Dont be shy
c’mon and be a guy
you wanna KISS DA GIRL…
</Little Mermaid Music>
How sad that people feel this way. Really, I’m sorry for you. Myself being in a long distance relationship, if I knew that a guy was using this “strategy” I would hunt him down until the day he dies and make his life miserable. Just a thought, but there are many cases where a long distance relationship can and does work. But hey, to each his own, eh?
